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Preaches Jokes

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What do you say when Japanese jesus preaches?

R'amen.

What do you call an animal that doesn't practice what it preaches?

A hypocritapottamus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus comes upon a crowd stoning a harlot...

He was shocked at the cruelty, and he opens his arms wide and yells "STOP!!!" in his booming, godly voice. Everybody pauses and turns, stones in their hands, and Jesus begins to preach.

He preaches about brotherly love, and turning the other cheek. His words are inspiring and the crowd grows ...

Doctor twin visits pastor twin

A couple has identical twin sons.

After they finish school, they go to separate cities for university: one studies medicine and eventually gets his MD degree; the other decides to become a man of the cloth and gets his DD (Doctor of Divinity).

The doctor settles down near the city wher...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Catholic priest, a Protestant preacher and a rabbi see a kid walking down the road.

The preaches says "Hey, look at the cute little kid!"
The priest says "Let's fuck him!"
The rabbi, confused, says "Out of what?"

St. Peter was looking down at Earth one Sunday and saw a Baptist minister playing golf

After a bit of investigating, he found the man had asked his lay clergy to conduct that day's service so he could take advantage of good weather. Incensed, St. Peter goes to God to complain.

"Lord, can you believe this? A man who preaches your Word, neglecting his sacred duty so he can golf....

Jesus's robes

Jesus is wandering around Jerusalem when he decides he really needs a new robe. After looking around, he sees a sign for "Finkelstein, the Tailor." He goes in and Finkelstein prepares a new robe for him which is a perfect fit.

When he asks how much he owes, Finkelstein brushes him off. "No, n...

A priest, rabbi and minister have a contest

A priest, rabbi and minister have a contest to see who's the best at their jobs by trying to convince a bear to join their religion. The priest goes in, sprinkles holy water on the bear and manages to convert the bear. The minister goes in, preaches, and manages to also convert the bear. The rabbi g...

Why did the alcoholic undertaker go bankrupt?

He spent all his money on biers and preaches.

Jesus was such a hypocrite

Preaches waiting for marriage and all that. Meanwhile he just goes and gets nailed 3 times in one day.

A man walks into a church....

before the service is due to start and says to the priest "Father, I wonder if you can help? I left my umbrella here last week and now I can't find it."

"Are you sure you left it here? I haven't seen any umbrellas left in the pews."

"Yes I'm certain Father."

"Well I don't want t...

A priest goes golfing.

At the end of his sermons every single Sunday, a priest proclaims to his congregation that they should go out and do community service in the name of God. He then goes on even longer about how he is going to be feeding homeless people, building schools, etc etc, for the rest of the day. After the se...

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