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A Czech man goes into a police station in Soviet-occupied Prague

and tells the officer at the desk, "A Swiss soldier just stole my good Russian watch!".

The confused policeman asks him to say that again. "A Swiss soldier just stole my good Russian watch!"

"Surely," the officer says, "you mean a Russian soldier stole your good Swiss watch?"

"W...

Why do chess grandmasters use Tinder in Prague?

Because every good chess player makes a move for a Czech mate.

Guess what two cannibals did for dinner in Prague?

They split the Czech!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hit the lotto jackpot!

I immediately left work, went home, kicked the door open, and shouted, "Honey, I won the big prize! Start packing your bags!"

She got all excited, and asked, "are we going to Jamaica, or Hawaii, or Prague, or..."

"I don't give a fuck where you're going. Start packing."

What do you call a movie extra from Prague?

A background Czech.

What's the worst thing to do at a restaurant in Prague?

Split the Czech!

If God isn't real, how do you explain how an average joe like me could marry a beautiful woman from Prague?

Czech mate, atheists

Prague just installed new Covid-19 testing stations.

They named them Czech points.

My friend from Prague finally got his US citizenship approved...

He is a cancelled Czech now.

If a knight in Prague dons his armour

Does that mean the czech is in the mail!?

What happened when the Prague Skydiving club couldn't afford proper equipment?

Their Czechs bounced.

I'm thinking about starting a dating service in Prague

I shall call it "Czech-Mate"

A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game.

The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in check mate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."

What is the most popular snack in Prague?

Czech’s Mix

While working as a prison guard in Prague, part of my job included a lot of walking up and down the prison corridors.

I used to pass a lot of bad Czechs.

I started a trampoline business in Prague. Business is good...

But the Czechs keep bouncing

What genre of music do Czech bands play?

Prague Rock

I can never remember where Prague is...

I always have to Czech.

Why do citizens of Prague rarely get scammed?

Because they always double Czech

Where do people from Prague deposit their money?

Into their Czeching account

A friend of mine opened a trampoline business in Prague.

I asked him how sales were and said "Well, the Czechs keep bouncing."

How do you describe your buddy who was Born in Prague but lives with you in Australia?

Czech Mate

How does the Prague mafia mark its territory?

With a Czech mark

While in Prague I drove by the maximum security prison. It made me feel uneasy...

I never like passing bad Czechs.

Did you hear about the guy from Prague wearing armor?

The Czech's in the mail.

Did you hear about the guy who was caught hiding illegal immigrants in Prague?

He got prison for caching false Czechs.

My friend from Prague is a writer.

He likes to use Spellczech.

Why did the Founding Fathers hire accountants from Prague?

They needed a system of Czechs and balances.

When flying to Prague...

...all of your bags are Czeched

I’ve got a business...

What’s you business?

A trampoline company in Prague.

How’s it going?
It’s not great, the Czech’s keep bouncing...



What’s your business?

We repair elevators in high rise buildings.

How’s it going?
Meh, it’s up and down.


What’s your b...

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. The...

cats

There's a new dating app for cats in Prague...

it's called Czech Meowt

Czech Please

The abortion clinic in Prague had to be closed down due to lack of funds... too many cancelled Czechs apparently.

A Czech joke translation

Since we're all translating jokes, this is one I heard when I lived in Prague. FYI, it was a big hit when I told it in Sweden using Norway as the other country.

So an incredibly nefarious criminal escapes from prison in the Czech Republic. Rumor is he went across the border to Slovakia. So th...

Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

He had just opened up a trampoline park near the border there, yet he seemed saddened by something when I walked in. He looked up at me with tired eyes so I asked him what was wrong:

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘There are many people here, surely business is doing well?’

He replie...

A man was brought to the FBI on suspicion of murder

A man was brought to the FBI on suspicion of murder. He argued that there was no way he could have done it, as he was in vacation in Prague for the week of the killing. The FBI took note of his travel records and let him go; his alibi czeched out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The most effective way to commit suicide;

Step 1: Move to the Czech Republic

Step 2: Run for office

Step 3: Implement policies that piss off the majority of the population

Step 4: Go to the top floor of a building in Prague

Step 5: Wait

I went to go see Kafkaesque last night...

They’re a new Prague Rock band, you should Czech them out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A customs agent stopped Sam, an elderly Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.

In the first suitcase, the agent found over 1 million pounds in £10 notes. "Excuse me, sir" he asked Sam, "where did you get all this money?"
"Vell, I'll tell you," Sam began, "I love Israel. For many years I travelled all around the world and stopped off at all of the public toilets in all the ...

My wife says I'm obsessed with terms of regulation

To prove her wrong I went on a yoga holiday in Prague.
It was a series of Czechs and balances.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Czech one: God is carrying a bag of dicks...

...when he suddenly trips over a rock and all the dicks fall out. He gets pissed off: "I'm not going to pick them up, Prague's going to be here!"

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