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Prague Jokes

I've just started a new business selling trampolines in Prague

Getting a lot of orders, but the Czechs keep bouncing.

I'm friends with a Chess grandmaster from Prague, but I can't pronounce his name

Is it OK if I just call him a Czech mate?

Two cannibals walked into a restaurant in Prague

They asked for separate Czechs.

I’ve very recently started a company selling trampolines in Prague…

My first Czech bounced.

My friend from Prague finally got his US citizenship approved

That makes him a cancelled Czech

Guess what two cannibals did for dinner in Prague?

They split the Czech!

What happened when the Prague Skydiving club couldn't afford proper equipment?

Their Czechs bounced.

If God isn't real, how do you explain how an average joe like me could marry a beautiful woman from Prague?

Czech mate, atheists

If a knight in Prague dons his armour

Does that mean the czech is in the mail!?

What is the most popular snack in Prague?

Czech’s Mix

I'm thinking about starting a dating service in Prague

I shall call it "Czech-Mate"

What's the worst thing to do at a restaurant in Prague?

Split the Czech!

Prague just installed new Covid-19 testing stations.

They named them Czech points.

A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game.

The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in check mate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."

While working as a prison guard in Prague, part of my job included a lot of walking up and down the prison corridors.

I used to pass a lot of bad Czechs.

How do people in Prague pay their bills every month?

They pay by Czech

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hit the lotto jackpot!

I immediately left work, went home, kicked the door open, and shouted, "Honey, I won the big prize! Start packing your bags!"

She got all excited, and asked, "are we going to Jamaica, or Hawaii, or Prague, or..."

"I don't give a fuck where you're going. Start packing."

Why do citizens of Prague rarely get scammed?

Because they always double Czech

I can never remember where Prague is...

I always have to Czech.

Where do people from Prague deposit their money?

Into their Czeching account

While in Prague I drove by the maximum security prison. It made me feel uneasy...

I never like passing bad Czechs.

Did you hear about the guy from Prague wearing armor?

The Czech's in the mail.

A friend of mine opened a trampoline business in Prague.

I asked him how sales were and said "Well, the Czechs keep bouncing."

How do you describe your buddy who was Born in Prague but lives with you in Australia?

Czech Mate

How does the Prague mafia mark its territory?

With a Czech mark

Did you hear about the guy who was caught hiding illegal immigrants in Prague?

He got prison for caching false Czechs.

"The Frogs in Prague Defy Catalog"

According to a research team at Charles University in Prague, the local amphibians have very peculiar migratory habits. In recent years, a new sub-species have been identified which is not native to the area around the Czech capitol. The research has been carried out with the help of many students a...

Why did the Founding Fathers hire accountants from Prague?

They needed a system of Czechs and balances.

My friend from Prague is a writer.

He likes to use Spellczech.

When flying to Prague...

...all of your bags are Czeched

What genre of music do Czech bands play?

Prague Rock

I’ve got a business...

What’s you business?

A trampoline company in Prague.

How’s it going?
It’s not great, the Czech’s keep bouncing...



What’s your business?

We repair elevators in high rise buildings.

How’s it going?
Meh, it’s up and down.


What’s your b...

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. The...

Czech Please

The abortion clinic in Prague had to be closed down due to lack of funds... too many cancelled Czechs apparently.

cats

There's a new dating app for cats in Prague...

it's called Czech Meowt

A Czech joke translation

Since we're all translating jokes, this is one I heard when I lived in Prague. FYI, it was a big hit when I told it in Sweden using Norway as the other country.

So an incredibly nefarious criminal escapes from prison in the Czech Republic. Rumor is he went across the border to Slovakia. So th...

A man was brought to the FBI on suspicion of murder

A man was brought to the FBI on suspicion of murder. He argued that there was no way he could have done it, as he was in vacation in Prague for the week of the killing. The FBI took note of his travel records and let him go; his alibi czeched out.

Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

He had just opened up a trampoline park near the border there, yet he seemed saddened by something when I walked in. He looked up at me with tired eyes so I asked him what was wrong:

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘There are many people here, surely business is doing well?’

He replie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The most effective way to commit suicide;

Step 1: Move to the Czech Republic

Step 2: Run for office

Step 3: Implement policies that piss off the majority of the population

Step 4: Go to the top floor of a building in Prague

Step 5: Wait

I went to go see Kafkaesque last night...

They’re a new Prague Rock band, you should Czech them out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A customs agent stopped Sam, an elderly Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.

In the first suitcase, the agent found over 1 million pounds in £10 notes. "Excuse me, sir" he asked Sam, "where did you get all this money?"
"Vell, I'll tell you," Sam began, "I love Israel. For many years I travelled all around the world and stopped off at all of the public toilets in all the ...

My wife says I'm obsessed with terms of regulation

To prove her wrong I went on a yoga holiday in Prague.
It was a series of Czechs and balances.

London Tourists.

A group was touring London, marveling at the historic buildings, art collections, and such.

During the tour of the Tower of London, a man from Prague and another man from Athens struck up a conversation about some point in history. A small disagreement ensued, which rapidly became a large one...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Czech one: God is carrying a bag of dicks...

...when he suddenly trips over a rock and all the dicks fall out. He gets pissed off: "I'm not going to pick them up, Prague's going to be here!"

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