Christians and Harry Potter fans have one thing in common.

They get mad at you when you say that their book has plotholes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Harry Potter say when Hermione kicked him in the balls?

RESPECTO MY SCROTUM!

For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...

*Knock-knock*

~ Who’s there?

~ You know

~ you know who?

*avada kedavra!*

Sorry if everyone knows that one, 7 year old me thought I was being very clever.

Did you hear about the depressed potter?

He was doing great, until he cracked and kilned himself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Harry Potter call his diarrhea?

Expellianus

How do you sort out Harry Potter books?

Using the Dobby Decimal System

Harry Potter joke

Harry Potter had a fight with a teacher and got Ex-Spelled

Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?

He lost his Hedwig.

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

The fifth one though was dead Sirius.

How are abortions done in the Harry Potter universe?

*Fetus Deletus*

A duck walked into a Harry Potter toy store, and he said to the man, running the store: “hey...

got any Snapes?”

How does the author of Harry Potter get down a hill? By walking.

JK. Rolling

How does Harry Potter enter Hogwarts?

Through the Dumbledore.

James Potter and Sirius Black passed by each other in heaven.

James exclaimed, "Sirius, why are you here? Are you visiting?"

Sirius hung his head. "No, I actually died. Bellatrix killed me in the Department of Mysteries."

Potter just laughed. "What do you mean? You were a much better wizard than her. You can't fool me."

"I'm not kidding!" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.

You're a blizzard Dairy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are talking. Harry says, "Ron, I'm gay."

"Are you fucking serious?!" asks Ron.

"Yeah...that too," says Harry.

Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated?

She was never able to receive her Severus package.

I love Harry Potter but after re-reading the chapter the death-day party I realized something about nearly headless nick

He was a very poorly executed character

How did Harry Potter travel during the pandemic ?

“ flue” powder

Harry Potter walks into a bar.

Because I put them on his bedroom window.

I have an old wine barrel that is haunted by the ghost of a pirate. The ghost is quite friendly and really enjoys when you memorise passages from one of the Harry Potter books and then lean into the barrel and recite the passage.

Sure, its unusual, but don't read too much into it.

Why was Harry Potter such a good computer programmer?

Because he spoke python.

Haha
Haha

What do you get when you cross Harry Potter with Luke Skywalker?

Scar Wars.

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

I heard they found Harry Potter licking packages in the mailroom again...

Parceltongue

You know that scene in Harry Potter where his godfather dies?

That was a dead Sirius moment

What’s the most common STD in Harry Potter?

Hog Warts

What happens when Harry Potter says accidental?

Someone loses a tooth.

I had a job cleaning out potters' kilns.

I got fired.

On a scale of one to ten, my obsession with Harry Potter

is nine and three quarters.

My little boy asked me today "dad when you were in college, did you live in a dorm just like the ones in Harry Potter?"

"Yeah," I said, "Pretty much. And even though we don't have defence against the dark art, every class is like defence against the dark art."

"Oh you mean you have to learn lot's of useful things?"

"No, it's just that our prefessor sucks ass, hates us and wanna fail us all the time."

Harry Potter finally got to sleep with Hermione but he had some regrets

He got hog warts

You know Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix ?

That’s when they books starting getting dead Sirius

Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm

"You're a blizzard, Harry"

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

What did Harry Potter say when he found out the werewolf that had been terrorising his school was his Godfather?

You cannot be Sirius

What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?

Something Gin-ey

You know those brooms they ride around on in Harry Potter? How much do they cost?

About a quid each...

Harry Potter cant find the difference between his cooking pot from his best friend,

They're both cauldron

Why couldn't Harry Potter find Hermione?

He was looking at all the Ron places

I grew up in a family of potters.

I told my dad "I don't want to make pots anymore, I want to make baskets" and he was furious - he was going to kick me out.

He said "go. Weave."

In the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black is in his early 30's,

... but in the movies, he look like an Oldman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I honestly don’t understand why the church is so against Harry Potter

Nothing guarantees you pre martial virginity more than talking about what animal you patronus would be and what your wand would be made of.

I’ve started a Harry Potter themed food blog.

Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

I used to be jealous of Harry Potter for being able to talk to snakes.

But it turns out, I've been doing it for years.

How did the author of harry potter go down the hill?

Walking.


J.k. Rowling



Dont know if this has been posted here but it made eveyone look at me weird on the lrt.

Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?

Because they didn't want to elect ron

Harry Potter could make a great mafia boss

He always catches the snitch

What do you call Harry Potter going through puberty?

Hairy Pitter

(not mine) I hate the Harry Potter franchise, it's too unrealistic.

I mean I'm not saying magic is impossible, everyone on my estate fights with sticks, there may even be the odd unicorn about, but who, has ever seen a ginger kid with two mates ?

I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

I know it’s only 6 words, but I’m proud of myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter and Fast & Furious crossover movie

Bitches be vroomin', Witches be broomin'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

Harry Potter sees a black dog...

Harry: Sirius, is that you in disguise?

Sirius: I am, surely, and don't call me Sirius

Harry Potter became vegan...

Now he only speaks parsleytongue

Harry Potter woke up in the Hospital.

A bit confused Harry asked "where am I?"

Doctor: "why, you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"

"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself

slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a com...

My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back

It isn’t my fault I was the one facing the tv

My girlfriend spends all my money on Harry Potter books and merchandize

How do i tell her it's not hermoine

I think Harry Potter would fit in well working at the post office...

Apparently he's got the rare gift of being able to speak Parceltongue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do they call a tentacle porn in a Harry Potter universe?

Squidditch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common?

Hogwarts.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a jew?

Harry Potter came out of the chamber.

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Harry Potter and the Jews?

Harry gets to take the train back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I learned that your surname denotes your ancestor's occupation like Baker, Mason, or Potter

Someone definitely has to explain why our surname is Dickinson.

Harry potter refuses to acknowledge he is imaginary

He is in daniel.

Harry Potter is invited to a... "gathering" at Hogwarts one night.

He is told to go through the door marked by a gryphon. As he does so, he wonders what this is all about. When he enters the room, he is stunned to see Malfoy obviously inebriated on the floor, just slitherin' over to the side, towards a guy who would repeatedly huff 'n' puff clouds of smoke. Next to...

What is a dermatologist's favorite aspect of the Harry Potter series?

Quit-itch

What do Harry Potter and the Bloods have in common?

They're both after a golden snitch.

Harry Potter Joke

Hagrid: "You're a unit of power, Harry."

Harry: "I'm a watt?"

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but...

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. If you don’t like Harry Potter puns,

Something is Siriusly Ron with you.

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