James Potter and Sirius Black passed by each other in heaven.

James exclaimed, "Sirius, why are you here? Are you visiting?"

Sirius hung his head. "No, I actually died. Bellatrix killed me in the Department of Mysteries."

Potter just laughed. "What do you mean? You were a much better wizard than her. You can't fool me."

"I'm not kidding!" ...

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

What food delivery service does Harry Potter prefer?

Dumble-Door Dash

The magical world of Harry Potter is a cast system.

*Ba dum tss*

Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.

You're a blizzard Dairy.

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

By walking!



Jk... Rolling

How did Harry Potter travel during the pandemic ?

“ flue” powder

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

Fifth one— Dead Sirius.

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend?

They're both cauldron

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter confesses something to Ron...

Harry: "I've been having relations with a teacher."
Ron: "Are you fucking serious?!"
Harry: "No, I'm fucking Snape."

I have an old wine barrel that is haunted by the ghost of a pirate. The ghost is quite friendly and really enjoys when you memorise passages from one of the Harry Potter books and then lean into the barrel and recite the passage.

Sure, its unusual, but don't read too much into it.

What do you get when you cross Harry Potter with Luke Skywalker?

Scar Wars.

What do you call Harry Potter when he plays golf?

Harry Putter

What is Harry Potters favorite way of going down a hill?

Walking

J/K Rowling

Why was Harry Potter such a good computer programmer?

Because he spoke python.

Haha
Haha

Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated?

She was never able to receive her Severus package.

I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed

What’s the most common STD in Harry Potter?

Hog Warts

I heard they found Harry Potter licking packages in the mailroom again...

Parceltongue

What happens when Harry Potter says accidental?

Someone loses a tooth.

You know that scene in Harry Potter where his godfather dies?

That was a dead Sirius moment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Harry Potter catch from the Prostitute?

Hogwarts

What is the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?

A ginger with two friends.

I had a job cleaning out potters' kilns.

I got fired.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

Harry Potter walks into a bar.

Because I put them on his bedroom window.

Harry Potter finally got to sleep with Hermione but he had some regrets

He got hog warts

You know Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix ?

That’s when they books starting getting dead Sirius

My little boy asked me today "dad when you were in college, did you live in a dorm just like the ones in Harry Potter?"

"Yeah," I said, "Pretty much. And even though we don't have defence against the dark art, every class is like defence against the dark art."

"Oh you mean you have to learn lot's of useful things?"

"No, it's just that our prefessor sucks ass, hates us and wanna fail us all the time."

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

What did Harry Potter say when he found out the werewolf that had been terrorising his school was his Godfather?

You cannot be Sirius

On a scale of one to ten, my obsession with Harry Potter

is nine and three quarters.

My grandpa used to like Harry Potter

But now he suffers from dementors

What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?

Something Gin-ey

You know those brooms they ride around on in Harry Potter? How much do they cost?

About a quid each...

I grew up in a family of potters.

I told my dad "I don't want to make pots anymore, I want to make baskets" and he was furious - he was going to kick me out.

He said "go. Weave."

Why couldn't Harry Potter find Hermione?

He was looking at all the Ron places

How does Harry potter fuel his car?

He goes Execto petroleum

In a snowstorm, Hagrid takes the cremated remains of Harry Potter and throws it out.

You're a blizzard Harry!

Harry Potter could make a great mafia boss

He always catches the snitch

What do you call Harry Potter going through puberty?

Hairy Pitter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I honestly don’t understand why the church is so against Harry Potter

Nothing guarantees you pre martial virginity more than talking about what animal you patronus would be and what your wand would be made of.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

(not mine) I hate the Harry Potter franchise, it's too unrealistic.

I mean I'm not saying magic is impossible, everyone on my estate fights with sticks, there may even be the odd unicorn about, but who, has ever seen a ginger kid with two mates ?

How did the author of harry potter go down the hill?

Walking.


J.k. Rowling



Dont know if this has been posted here but it made eveyone look at me weird on the lrt.

In the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black is in his early 30's,

... but in the movies, he look like an Oldman.

I used to be jealous of Harry Potter for being able to talk to snakes.

But it turns out, I've been doing it for years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter and Fast & Furious crossover movie

Bitches be vroomin', Witches be broomin'

I’ve started a Harry Potter themed food blog.

Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them

So I was just starting to play Harry Potter - Wizards Unite...

...and was walking down the street. I noticed a young lady at the bus stop was also playing, which sparked a small conversation. She was very cute, maybe in her early 20s. She was telling me all about the professions you can pick from because she just hit level six. I was only level four so it was e...

My girlfriend spends all my money on Harry Potter books and merchandize

How do i tell her it's not hermoine

Harry Potter woke up in the Hospital.

A bit confused Harry asked "where am I?"

Doctor: "why, you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"

"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself

slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a com...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?

Because they didn't want to elect ron

I think Harry Potter would fit in well working at the post office...

Apparently he's got the rare gift of being able to speak Parceltongue.

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

Harry Potter became vegan...

Now he only speaks parsleytongue

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a jew?

Harry Potter came out of the chamber.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do they call a tentacle porn in a Harry Potter universe?

Squidditch

I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

I know it’s only 6 words, but I’m proud of myself.

My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back

It isn’t my fault I was the one facing the tv

Harry potter refuses to acknowledge he is imaginary

He is in daniel.

(NSFW) What's the difference between Harry potter and jewish people?

Harry could escape the chambers

Harry Potter Joke

Hagrid: "You're a unit of power, Harry."

Harry: "I'm a watt?"

I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but...

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

Harry Potter is invited to a... "gathering" at Hogwarts one night.

He is told to go through the door marked by a gryphon. As he does so, he wonders what this is all about. When he enters the room, he is stunned to see Malfoy obviously inebriated on the floor, just slitherin' over to the side, towards a guy who would repeatedly huff 'n' puff clouds of smoke. Next to...

What do Harry Potter and the Bloods have in common?

They're both after a golden snitch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I learned that your surname denotes your ancestor's occupation like Baker, Mason, or Potter

Someone definitely has to explain why our surname is Dickinson.

What do you call a moile in the Harry Potter wizarding world?

Professor Snip

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What magic spell does Harry Potter use when he get diarrhoea from a chocolate mousse?

Expelli-arse-mousse

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common?

Hogwarts.

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley

Roses are red, Violets are blue. If you don’t like Harry Potter puns,

Something is Siriusly Ron with you.

whats the difference between a harry potter character and someone who smokes

one is a hufflepuff the other huffs and puffs

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