How did harry potter get down the hill?

Walking.

LoL

JK. Rolling.

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend?

They're both cauldron

Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated?

She was never able to receive her Severus package.

You know Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix ?

That’s when they books starting getting dead Sirius

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

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Harry potter and Hermione are talking

Harry: Hermione, im gay.

Hermione: Are you fucking kidding?

Harry: No im fucking sirius.

Did you know that Harry Potter’s favorite way of going down a hill is running?

J.k. Rowling

What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?

Something Gin-ey

My little boy asked me today "dad when you were in college, did you live in a dorm just like the ones in Harry Potter?"

"Yeah," I said, "Pretty much. And even though we don't have defence against the dark art, every class is like defence against the dark art."

"Oh you mean you have to learn lot's of useful things?"

"No, it's just that our prefessor sucks ass, hates us and wanna fail us all the time."

I like the Harry Potter books and movies but

I think the character of Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

Harry Potter walks into a bar.

Because I put them on his bedroom window.

On a scale of one to ten, my obsession with Harry Potter

is nine and three quarters.

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Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are talking. Harry says, "Ron, I'm gay."

"Are you fucking serious?!" asks Ron.

"Yeah...that too," says Harry.

You know those brooms they ride around on in Harry Potter? How much do they cost?

About a quid each...

How does Harry potter fuel his car?

He goes Execto petroleum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

I grew up in a family of potters.

I told my dad "I don't want to make pots anymore, I want to make baskets" and he was furious - he was going to kick me out.

He said "go. Weave."

Harry Potter could make a great mafia boss

He always catches the snitch

In a snowstorm, Hagrid takes the cremated remains of Harry Potter and throws it out.

You're a blizzard Harry!

(not mine) I hate the Harry Potter franchise, it's too unrealistic.

I mean I'm not saying magic is impossible, everyone on my estate fights with sticks, there may even be the odd unicorn about, but who, has ever seen a ginger kid with two mates ?

Why couldn't Harry Potter find Hermione?

He was looking at all the Ron places

I found that the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be light hearted.

The fifth one ——dead Sirius.

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Harry Potter and Fast & Furious crossover movie

Bitches be vroomin', Witches be broomin'

How did the author of harry potter go down the hill?

Walking.


J.k. Rowling



Dont know if this has been posted here but it made eveyone look at me weird on the lrt.

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I honestly don’t understand why the church is so against Harry Potter

Nothing guarantees you pre martial virginity more than talking about what animal you patronus would be and what your wand would be made of.

My girlfriend spends all my money on Harry Potter books and merchandize

How do i tell her it's not hermoine

I used to be jealous of Harry Potter for being able to talk to snakes.

But it turns out, I've been doing it for years.

Your opinion on the Harry Potter movie adaptations?

I thought that they were pretty good, and stayed faithful to the books. Although in my opinion, Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

Harry Potter woke up in the Hospital.

A bit confused Harry asked "where am I?"

Doctor: "why, you were in a coma and just awoke in this fine hospital"

"Why am I in a muggle Hospital?" he mumbled to himself

slightly hearing him the doctor spoke " Son, Take it easy, you ran face first into a wall and have been in a com...

In the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black is in his early 30's,

... but in the movies, he look like an Oldman.

After a rewatch of Harry Potter, a mother approaches her son and asks...

- Sweetie, who's the actress that plays Hermione again?

- Emma.

- Emma what, son?

- Exactly.

I’ve started a Harry Potter themed food blog.

Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them

I think Harry Potter would fit in well working at the post office...

Apparently he's got the rare gift of being able to speak Parceltongue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What spell did Harry Potter use to cure constipation?

Expelianus!

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

I have watched a Harry Potter movie every day for the past 10 years

They still haven't lost their magic.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a jew?

Harry Potter came out of the chamber.

Q: What was the first Harry Potter Movie...

A: Die Hard. A man sneaks around a tower trying to avoid Alan Rickman.

So I was just starting to play Harry Potter - Wizards Unite...

...and was walking down the street. I noticed a young lady at the bus stop was also playing, which sparked a small conversation. She was very cute, maybe in her early 20s. She was telling me all about the professions you can pick from because she just hit level six. I was only level four so it was e...

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How do they call a tentacle porn in a Harry Potter universe?

Squidditch

Literature professor: "Why can't Severus Snape be a herbology teacher?"

Student A: "Because he can't keep the Lillies alive."

Student B: "Maybe he didn't put them in the right Potter?"

Harry Potter became vegan...

Now he only speaks parsleytongue

Why aren't there any guns in Harry Potter?

Because Hogwarts is in England not America.

Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?

Because they didn't want to elect ron

What is a dermatologist's favorite aspect of the Harry Potter series?

Quit-itch

I dislike people who constantly make Harry Potter references and I hate the use of malapropism for comedic effect but...

I’ll admit I’m a bit of a hippogryph sometimes.

I was helping my grandpa fold some laundry yesterday and noticed something odd. On one shirt he had a silloutte of Sherlock Holmes, on another a picture of Harry Potter, on a third was printed an image of Frankenstein, and on a fourth, a girl who appeared to be Anne of Green Gables.

I asked my grandpa, "Are all these graphic shirts really yours?"

"Yes they are, " my grandpa replied sheepishly "I just can't resist buying novel tees."

What do Harry Potter and the Bloods have in common?

They're both after a golden snitch.

Harry Potter is invited to a... "gathering" at Hogwarts one night.

He is told to go through the door marked by a gryphon. As he does so, he wonders what this is all about. When he enters the room, he is stunned to see Malfoy obviously inebriated on the floor, just slitherin' over to the side, towards a guy who would repeatedly huff 'n' puff clouds of smoke. Next to...

What do you call a moile in the Harry Potter wizarding world?

Professor Snip

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

Harry Potter Joke

Hagrid: "You're a unit of power, Harry."

Harry: "I'm a watt?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What magic spell does Harry Potter use when he get diarrhoea from a chocolate mousse?

Expelli-arse-mousse

I finally read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

I know it’s only 6 words, but I’m proud of myself.

My girlfriend got really upset when we watched the Harry Potter movies back to back

It isn’t my fault I was the one facing the tv

Harry Potter just released a new figure of its leading hero Mr. Scamander. But it isn’t very good the shirt is the wrong color, the scarf is too short, the nose is to long, and a bunch of other little things are wrong.

Did they really think I wouldn’t notice all these wrong My Newt details?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I learned that your surname denotes your ancestor's occupation like Baker, Mason, or Potter

Someone definitely has to explain why our surname is Dickinson.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. If you don’t like Harry Potter puns,

Something is Siriusly Ron with you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Harry Potter go down the hill?

Tumbling.

Fucking wizardry robes ain’t safe.

Harry Potter fans be like: ”I wanna go to Hogwarts!”

Narnia fans be like: ”I wanna go to Narnia!”

Hunger Games fans be like: ”I’m good...”

Hey man, did I tell you I saw the author of Harry Potter when I was on ecstasy last night?

J.k. ... Rolling

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber

My gf told me this joke, idk where she heard it

Mind readers in Harry Potter

If a legilamins has a child that can't read minds, is that child illigilamins?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lie detector

**After hearing complaints of his son from school, the dad bought home a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: …**

DAD : Son where were you today during school hours?

SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Ok...

Have you heard about the investigation on the Harry Potter series?

It took them a while to get the story straight.

I went to the cinema to watch “Harry Potter”

...and I was surprised to see a man and his dog there. The dog barked at the exciting bits, growled at the scary bits and whimpered at the sad bits. At the end I approached the owner and said how I had never seen a dog enjoy a film so much and I was amazed. He replied “So am I. He hated the book”

Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?

**They were past their hexpiration date!**

*I'm so sorry. My 8yo kid asked me to make up a joke and it's SO HARD to craft a joke that's kid-appropriate.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?

Expellianus.

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley

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