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Conan Jokes

A Michael Sam joke

After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it’s the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien

Did you know Conan was a hairdresser?

He was Conan the Barberarian

Why is Conan's guest's face blurred-out?

Oh. Never mind. It isn't. It's just Amy Schumer.

When it comes to talk show hosts I don’t usually go for Conan...

I find his humor and style a bit too Barbarian for my personal taste

TIL Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a series of short stories about crimes committed by landscapers

He collectively referred to them as *Holmes and Gardens*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nurse is bathing a female patient who is in coma

She notices that whenever she touches the genital area, patient's heart rate increases. She gets the idea that oral sex might help her regain consciousness. The nurse then calls patient's husband and tell him that oral sex might revive her and so the husband agrees to help.

The following nigh...

When Jimmy Fallon started hosting The Tonight Show, Conan called him up to offer some advice...

The first thing he said was:

"Kill your enemies and see them driven before you..."

Please enjoy my best ever Star Wars themed joke...

Irving was proud of his daughter Faith. She was the prettiest, smartest, most charming girl in all the Empire. And when Faith was asked to attend the Winter Gala by Conan Antonio, Irving was justifiably pleased, for Conan was a well-decorated and many-times-promoted military man of great respect....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sir Arthur and the case of brief case identity

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris..!
.
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted.....

What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night?

He finishes her drink

A man walks into a bookstore...

...and asks the proprietor if he has any books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

“Unfortunately, I suffer from a condition that makes me violently ill whenever I see one of his books, making me unable to carry them in my store.”

Stunned, the customer sputters, “You don’t mean...”

The ...

My wife and I have been married for 25 years, but it feels like its been 10 minutes.....

....Under water

Joke credit: Timothy Olyphant on Conan (love that guy !)

In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library.

Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library.

-Conan Monologue June 12, 2014

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandfather and grandson were standing on hill above town.

The grandfather says, "Peter, you see all those houses? When I first came here I helped build all those houses. Do they call me Michael the House Builder? No."

The grandfather points at a church, "Peter, you see that church? I built that church from the ground up. Do the call me Michael the C...

Comic-Con Mysteries Panel

A friend of mine went to Comic-Con in San Diego a few years back, and attended a panel on mystery books and movies. Authors and actors there, a large panel, nearly 20 people. Most of the cast of the Sherlock Holmes movies and a few Agatha Christie adaptation were there. One of the audience members a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mommy, is daddy tall?

Yes dear. He is rather tall.

Is daddy wrecked?

Wrecked? No. What are you talking about honey?

I heard you tell Aunt Sarah that Daddy was getting a "wrecked tall exam". With "Conan Oscar P." Who's that?

No dear. I said dad was getting a "rectal exam", it's called a "col...

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