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Police Department Jokes

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview.
Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

*Dang,* the officer thinks...

Why did the police department raid Santa's workshop?

They had probable Clause

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.

"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"

The man asks, "why ...

Did you hear about all the toilets being stolen inside the Miami Dade police department?

The cops have nothing to go on.

Maegan Hall was sad that she needs to find a new job as she was fired from the police department

I suggested her to try being a truck driver as they pay by the load!!

Just saw that our local Police Department got 2 huge new trucks with "Criminal Gang Unit" labeled on the sides.

Finally, some self awareness.

All the urinals have been stolen from the local police department

The police say they have nothing to go on.

(Source: Mother Goose & Grimm comic strip)

Somebody robbed the police department yesterday and stole all the toilets

Sadly, the detectives have nothing to go on

A police department hired me to repair their roof

I was above the law.

My police department made all their homicide detectives enter a two-week quarantine.

>!They had coroner-virus.

(My favorite joke)Who is best at apprehending criminals?

The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informan...

The Joker kidnapped some Scandanavian actors. He called the Gotham Police Department and said,

"Ya wanna know where I got these Skarsgårds?"

There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.

The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.

When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.

The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods

The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.

The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.

The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out “I am the rabbit! And I surrender”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fastest black people in my city and the local police department decided to compete against each other in a race

The cops beat them.

So a guy named Mike applies to join a Chicago police department.

"The first test is to lift a bag that is the size of a human and carry it to safety out of a building.", says the chief.

Mike succeeds.

"Next, you must show us your driving skills and show that you can handle a police car.", the chief says.

Mike succeeds.

"Now, for your f...

Did anyone hear about that guy that broke into the Police Department to steal there calendar?

He got 12 months.

What do Nicki Minaj and the Philadelphia police department have in common?

Reclaiming black bodies.

My local police department is running a dual campaign against dangerous driving and taking drugs. The signs read:

SPEED KILLS

True story from Brimfield Ohio; Brimfield Police Department Conversations with a meth cook....

Suspect: "I didn't mean to make meth."

Chief: "You didn't mean to make it?"

Suspect: "No. I was just trying to make smoke."

Chief: {Dumb look}

Suspect: "I was trying to scare the Mexicans. They're superstitious."

Chief: "Okay....You were trying to scare someon...

A man was driving into town and found the road blocked by the local police department . . .

. . . he stepped out of the car and asked the nearest police officer what was going on.

The officer replied, "There has been a fatal accident on this road."

This was a small town, so the officer, figuring the man might know the deceased, asked if he would be willing to help identify th...

As soon as all the wheels are replaced, my local police department is getting rid of a bunch of old squad cars they aren't using.

They're being retired

50 Jokes for 50 US States Part V

# California

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) want to see who is the best at catching perps. So, a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.

In goes CIA. They place...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man calls his home while on a business trip.

(I translated this joke from my native language so bear with me)

An unfamiliar voice answers the phone.
Man: "Who is this?"
Answer comes, "A am the maid."
Man: "What? there was no maid when i left a couple of days ago."
Maid: "I was hired yesterday and started working just...

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

A burglar

”Some young man is trying to get into my room through the window,” screamed old Mrs. Kleinman into the telephone.

”Sorry, lady,” came back the answer, ”you’ve got the fire department. What you want is the police department.”

”No, no,” she pleaded, ”I want the fire department. What he n...

I was watching the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix

When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.


It was the world’s first Ted Talk.

A police officer just intercepted a secret message between two major gangs...

The message simply said: 5310H55V 0113H

Curious, he tried to decipher it but gave up after a few hours, and asked the rest of his police department if they could help.

After a few days of code cracking, the police department gave up, and sent the cryptic message to the FBI. The bright...

A rather bold robber...

Broke into the local police department and stole all of their toilets.
Cops report that they have nothing to go on.

Police do a good deed

I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don’t care about others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows “not all cops are in that category”.

This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Fredericksburg, TX. which reported ...

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Two men are speeding when they get pulled over......

The driver tells his passenger, "I'll take care of this." As soon as the cop approaches, the man leans out and tells the cop, Just to let you know, I have a loaded gun in the glove box."

The cop orders them out of the car, face down on the sidewalk, cuffs them and backs over to his radio to c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man from Miami Beach travels to the Middle East and finds camels so fascinating that he decides to buy one and bring it back home with him.

For the next month, he rides the camel all over the city. The next day when goes to get the camel, he finds that it is has been stolen.

He goes to the police department to report it stolen. The desk sergeant asks him to describe the camel.

He says incredulously, "What do you mean, de...

I'd name my band "The Same Joke Every 24 Hours"

People will talk about my band with the following:

"Do you like listening to The Same Joke Every 24 Hours?"

"She just broke-up with her boyfriend, so she's listening to The Same Joke Every 24 Hours again"

"In a drastic move the police department has negotiated the end of the hos...

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Three Irish Men in a Fire

There are three Irish men, Paddy, John and Seamus.
Every night these three men go to the pub together until one night there was a terrible fire and Paddy is burnt to death.
The local police department call John and Seamus to identify the body.
One at a time they can called in to the see ...

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Saw someone post this on Facebook. Got a kick out of it.

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity
generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water
utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a police dog...

The K-9 unit had decided to get some new dogs to sniff out drugs and the like. One of them happened to have an exceptional talent for this, and while training this dog, several notorious local drug dealers had already been caught. Eventually, the dog was assigned to a cop, and the cop named the dog ...

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