The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron

Which is ironic.

What two secret organizations rule the world through control of important metallic elements?

The Aluminati and the Tinplars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

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I just saw a truck with one of those metallic pairs of testicles dangling from the back, and I started thinking “OK I see its balls, but where’s its dick?”

“Oh yeah,” I thought, “in the driver’s seat.”

Washing Machine Repair

So my washing machine has been broken for a few weeks now. When you'd run it, it would get off balance during the spin cycle, causing it to make loud, metallic thumps and scoot across the laundry room.

I spent last weekend disassembling it to find the problem. I located the faulty part and or...

I tossed and turned as I heard metallic sounds coming from the next bedroom.

It was a restless knight.

The dentist said that he could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.

I said ether/ore.

When people scare me, I throw metallic elements at them.

Call that a defense magnesium

I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic.

But thankfully I’m cured.

I’m ex-static!

What language do metallic fruits periodically speak?

Manganese.

Pedro gets a New Secretary.

Pedro gets a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband’s roving eye.

Dora (Pedro's wife): “Does your new secretary have nice legs?"

Pedro: “Didn’t quite notice."

Dora: "What color are her eyes?"
...

What is metallic and if enters through your eye can kill you?

A train

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I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

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A woman was having sex in an apartment on the 20th floor with another Man

As She heard her Husband coming... She told her Lover to stay like a Robot and not to move...

Husband :
What is this???

Wife :
This is a Robot...
I bought it to have Sex with when you are travelling...

Husband :
Okay darling in that case let's have Sex now......

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