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Metallic Jokes

Why is Metallica the safest band to listen to in an airport?

Because they haven't set off a metal detector since 1989.

What do you call a metallic Russian chamber pot?

Vladimir Poo-tin.

I went through airport security and the alarm went off

The TSA agent asked if I had any metal on me.

I said hell yeah I do, pulled out a Metallica CD and slammed it on the table.

I was detained and strip searched but it was worth it.

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron

Which is ironic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

A man’s wife is missing…

Man: Officer, my wife is missing. She went out yesterday and she hasn’t come home.

Officer: Okay, what’s her height?

Man: Not sure…. Maybe around 5’6?

Officer: Okay, weight?

Man: I dunno… not slim not big.

Officer: Okay… colour of her eyes?

Man: Sort of blue...

What two secret organizations rule the world through control of important metallic elements?

The Aluminati and the Tinplars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise

when he sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying a spool of something metallic under his arm. “Hey boy, what do you have there?”

“Chicken wire.”

“What you gonna do with that?”

“Gonna catch some chickens.”

“You damn fool! You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!” says...

I tossed and turned as I heard metallic sounds coming from the next bedroom.

It was a restless knight.

The dentist said that he could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.

I said ether/ore.

When people scare me, I throw metallic elements at them.

Call that a defense magnesium

I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic.

But thankfully I’m cured.

I’m ex-static!

What language do metallic fruits periodically speak?

Manganese.

What is metallic and if enters through your eye can kill you?

A train

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

Soviet joke about russian army. Still relevant.

Give a private two metallic spheres. After a while one will be broken, one - lost.

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