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Metallic Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron

Which is ironic.

What do you call a metallic Russian chamber pot?

Vladimir Poo-tin.

Why is Metallica the safest band to listen to in an airport?

Because they haven't set off a metal detector since 1989.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was a big metal fan back in high school.

Back in high school I was a big metal fan.

At the beginning of the summer holidays I was at this awesome house party.

It was just high school kids in the house so we were able to turn the volume way up and had a pretty awesome playlist: Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Iron Mai...

A man’s wife is missing…

Man: Officer, my wife is missing. She went out yesterday and she hasn’t come home.

Officer: Okay, what’s her height?

Man: Not sure…. Maybe around 5’6?

Officer: Okay, weight?

Man: I dunno… not slim not big.

Officer: Okay… colour of her eyes?

Man: Sort of blue...

What language do metallic fruits periodically speak?

Manganese.

When people scare me, I throw metallic elements at them.

Call that a defense magnesium

I tossed and turned as I heard metallic sounds coming from the next bedroom.

It was a restless knight.

I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic.

But thankfully I’m cured.

I’m ex-static!

The dentist said that he could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.

I said ether/ore.

What is metallic and if enters through your eye can kill you?

A train

I went through airport security and the alarm went off

The TSA agent asked if I had any metal on me.

I said hell yeah I do, pulled out a Metallica CD and slammed it on the table.

I was detained and strip searched but it was worth it.

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