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An old Soviet Russian joke pt.2

A Sunday morning at the zoo. Zoo director and his assistant are doing their everyday routine of checking animals and their habitats. Suddenly, director stops next to the cage with a strange, unpleasant smell.

"Why does that tiger in this cage look so ill and miserable?", asks director.
...

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich

The bartender says "wow, you don't see that every day! Man, what's your story?"

Th duck says "I'm a welder at the construction site across the street. I'll be here for a few months while we finish the building," and picks up his newspaper and starts reading. The bartender obviously wants to c...

I found $27 in loose change in my girlfriend’s PT Cruiser, but she was visibly upset.

She said I cut the resale value in half.

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Chemical Analysis of Women

Item: Chemical Analysis



Subject: Women



Symbol: Wo



Discovered by: Adam



Atomic Weight: Average expected as 150lb, but there are known isotopes ranging from 100lb to 250lb.


Occurrence: Surplus quanti...

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Fun things to do pt 1

When you're stuck in traffic and some guy revs up his engine just yell out "alright we get it you have a small penis"

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

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Showier thoughts pt 3

Someone used this water to flush poop and now here I am washing my body with it.

Our chemistry professor told us he was excited about winning a platinum award on reddit. Someone responded “ Well, thats petty. “

He said, “No, actually, it’s Pt”

Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?

AT: "Give me all your money!"

PT: "Sign here please.."

Love is overrated

it's only 5 pts in Scrabble.

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My Old Teammate Ron.

So when I was in high school we had a standout basketball player (Ron) who was destined to be in the NBA in his life. As a sophomore, he was 6'7" 230, super athletic and was a star in any sport he played, but he loved basketball the most. One night he was out celebrating after a win and his buddy wa...

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