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Pt Jokes

Not vaccinating your child is like owning a PT Cruiser

You're spending thousands a year on something that'll probably be dead in less than five.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boys have a thing and girls don't. Pt 2

*Hijacking the title from the front page*

Little Tommy was coming home from school after any regular Monday of 3th grade. As he passed his classmate Susie’s house, he saw her playing with her dolls in the yard. Being a miserable 9 year old he yelled over to Susie. “Hey Susie, you see this bik...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dirty ernie pt. 1

The teacher knows that dirty ernie has a habit of swearing, so she's apprehensive about her lesson bit decides to proceed anyway. She asks the class to give her a word that starts with each letter of the alphabet.

She says, "ok, the first letter is A"

Immediately ernie raises his hand...

I never thought PT could fix my posture

But I stand corrected

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dirty ernie pt. 3 (final that I can remember)

The teacher tells the class that every Friday, she's going to ask a question, and whomever can answer it correctly will be excused from class on Monday of the following week.

The first week she asks, "how high is the sky?

Ernie says, "what the fuck? Nobody can answer that."

Teac...

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A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff..

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decided
to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he
failed to get his ...

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An old Soviet Russian joke pt.2

A Sunday morning at the zoo. Zoo director and his assistant are doing their everyday routine of checking animals and their habitats. Suddenly, director stops next to the cage with a strange, unpleasant smell.

"Why does that tiger in this cage look so ill and miserable?", asks director.
...

I found $27 in loose change in my girlfriend’s PT Cruiser, but she was visibly upset.

She said I cut the resale value in half.

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die.

A few moments after the big bang a cloud full of Hydrogen atoms fall into a blackhole and die. The arrive at the border between multiverses and meet Saint Platinum-Erbium

St PtEr says to them "Welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through, but before I may do that, I must ask each...

Dr: “I’m afraid I have bad news and worse news”

Dr: “I’m afraid I have bad news and worse news”
Pt: “Give me the worse news first”
Dr: “You have cancer”
Pt: “Oh no! What’s the bad news?”
Dr: “You also have Alzheimer’s”
Pt: “Well, at least I don’t have cancer”

Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?

AT: "Give me all your money!"

PT: "Sign here please.."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I can't feel my legs!" (Christmas Edition)

Pt. 1

A guy wakes up in a hospital and starts screaming, "I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs! " A nurse rushes to his bed and says, "Of course not, you silly thing, they amputated your arms!"

Pt. 2

Do you know what the poor guy got for Christmas? No? Well, neither does...

Our chemistry professor told us he was excited about winning a platinum award on reddit. Someone responded “ Well, thats petty. “

He said, “No, actually, it’s Pt”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chemical Analysis of Women

Item: Chemical Analysis



Subject: Women



Symbol: Wo



Discovered by: Adam



Atomic Weight: Average expected as 150lb, but there are known isotopes ranging from 100lb to 250lb.


Occurrence: Surplus quanti...

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich

The bartender says "wow, you don't see that every day! Man, what's your story?"

Th duck says "I'm a welder at the construction site across the street. I'll be here for a few months while we finish the building," and picks up his newspaper and starts reading. The bartender obviously wants to c...

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon. I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Old Teammate Ron.

So when I was in high school we had a standout basketball player (Ron) who was destined to be in the NBA in his life. As a sophomore, he was 6'7" 230, super athletic and was a star in any sport he played, but he loved basketball the most. One night he was out celebrating after a win and his buddy wa...

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