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Heavy Metal Jokes

What do you call a heavy metal band With financial problems?

Megadebt

A new heavy metal Christian Rock band has started up.

They're called Nuns 'n' Moses

A heavy metal fan was diagnosed with coronavirus

He’s down with the sickness

I don't always listen to heavy metal, but when I do...

...so do the neighbors.

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that also makes Christmas music?

They're called sleigh-er

Why does windmills like heavy metal?

Because they are a huge metal fan

I once told the family I like heavy metal

I got an iron anvil. Best gift ever.

Heavy Metal Icon Rob Halford abandoned fame to live as a monk in a Tibetan monastery...

Buddhist Priest.

I hate heavy metal.

I was walking down the street and passed these guys talking about heavy metal.

I walked by them and said under my breath, “God I hate heavy metal.”

One of them heard me and yelled back, “why do you gotta hate the best music ever?”

So I said, “because all these ingots in my bag ...

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that started a huge protest but without shouting or talking? They ended up destroying a bunch of property, though...

It was a quiet riot

What's Santa's favourite heavy metal band?

Sleigher

Did you hear about that new heavy metal themed sandwich shop?

It's called Pantera Bread

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My poem about a heavy metal band's best album is being read on British radio

ABCB on ACDC's ace CD on BBC

TIL listening to metal music can give you heavy metal poisoning

It's because of the lead singer.

Can't decide if I want to steal some bikes or visit a heavy metal legend..

Either way I'm going to rob Halfords

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do porn and heavy metal have in common?

Both used to have a lot more hair back in the 70's and 80's

A heavy metal fan walks into a heavy metal bar.

He gets a concussion.

What is a heavy metal musician's favorite dessert?

Ice cream!

in the 1980s they blamed heavy metal music for violent youth.

Now it's 2022 and their still blaming the doors.

I introduced a miner to some heavy metal.

The Miner really digs the music.

Saw a group of Sikh men jamming out to heavy metal the other day

They were definitely Down With The Sikhness

Du Hast

German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"

The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning....

I'm thinking of creating a new heavy metal band.

Osmium should do it.

Excessive consumption of heavy metal causes cancer and is ruining society

Especially lead. Lead in the water pipes is a big problem.

NPR recently started a heavy metal band.

'All Things Dismembered'

My girlfriend just told me her favorite music is heavy metal.

So for her birthday I'm taking her on a trip to a construction site.

Heavy metal music video

A horse is watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"
The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.
"Sure," says the ma...

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I started a heavy metal tribute band with guys from my Macroeconomics class

We are Guns & Butter

Why can't you improve the efficiency of wind farms by playing country music around them?

Because they're really just big heavy metal fans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Moby Dick join a heavy metal band?

He could really whale.

Little known fact: after their supposed death, Pierre and Marie Curie went on to become successful underwater assassins using a certain heavy metal.

Hundreds of people died of mer-Curie poisoning.

What's a moth pit?

It's where you find all the heavy metal rockers with lisps.

I just watched the World Heavy Metal Knitting Championship in Finland.

It was pretty knots!

Why should you not throw stones at a knight?

Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

4 guys meet in hell. A Bodybuilder, a Muslim, a Buddhist monk, and an American.

Satan comes over, whip in hand, and says:


-Those who endure 10 whiplashes can go to Heaven, the rest will stay here in Hell!


The American glances at the bodybuilder and is about to argue when Satan interrupts him,


-Everyone can choose 1 thing to place at your back a...

Two wind turbines were talking to each other.

One of the said "hey, what kind of music do you like?" The other said. "I'm a big heavy metal fan."

A guy walks into a bar

“Ouch,” he says, because it was a heavy metal bar, and his ears are accustomed to jazz.

Robot vs AntiRobot music

What is a robot's favorite music? Heavy Metal

What is an anti-robot's favorite music? TechNo

The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival...

Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.

I like to think of terrible pickup lines. Here's my most recent one.

"Hey girl, are you a mainstream, late 90's, early 2000's heavy metal band with a lisp?

Becauthe I'm 'Down with the Thickneth."

Looks her up and down.

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning.

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning. He gets contact from a group of brothers who vouch for the phenomenon as having had an effect on them.

"I'm a jazz saxophonist." The first brother says. "My mother played Charlie Parker for me while I was in the womb, and she could feel me...

What’s a tunas favourite music genre?

Heavy metal

My Best Friend Decided To Play The Tuba in Highschool

He was just really into heavy metal

Have you heard about Michigan's music scene??

I hear there's a lot of heavy metal in Flint. :^)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

Two windmills are on a date.

They're having a great time and really talking it up. The steak at the restaurant is incredible, and they couldn't be having a better time. So, eventually, one of the windmills asks, "hey, what kind of music are you into?" The other windmill responds--

"I'm a big heavy metal fan"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Voice activated radio.

I just bought a voice activated stereo for my car. Whatever genre of music you say, it will play the most popular artist from that genre of all time.


I told my radio "Rap"

2 Pac started playing on the stereo.

I then told my stereo "Heavy Metal"

It blared Metallica...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fun Facts

The reason that their are only 49 contestants in the Miss America Contest is because nobody wants to wear a banner that says "IDAHO"

My mind is like a bear trap. Rusty and illegal in 37 states.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2 AM! Can you believe it? He's lucky I was up playing wit...

Today I saw my friend in class listening to music, so I asked him what music it was.

He said he was listening to rap and asked what I was listening too. I looked him dead in the eye, put a paper clip in my ear and said heavy metal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old joke popular with engineers and other neckbeards

A man dies and surprise! he finds himself in the sky and surrounded by clouds and in front of an old man who asks, ”Heaven or Hell?”

Guy goes, "what kind of question is that?" and the old man sighs and goes, “oh another one. Well allow me to show you and then you can make your decision ...

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