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What do pornography and Heavy Metal have in common?

There was a lot more hair in the 1970’s and 1980’s.

A heavy metal fan was diagnosed with coronavirus

He’s down with the sickness

I once told the family I like heavy metal

I got an iron anvil. Best gift ever.

What do you call a drummer in a heavy metal band who doesn’t have a girlfriend?

Homeless

Heavy Metal Icon Rob Halford abandoned fame to live as a monk in a Tibetan monastery...

Buddhist Priest.

Little known fact: after their supposed death, Pierre and Marie Curie went on to become successful underwater assassins using a certain heavy metal.

Hundreds of people died of mer-Curie poisoning.

What you say when a heavy metal artist die?

Rust in peace

A new heavy metal Christian Rock band has started up.

They're called Nuns 'n' Moses

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that also makes Christmas music?

They're called sleigh-er

I don't always listen to heavy metal, but when I do...

...so do the neighbors.

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that started a huge protest but without shouting or talking? They ended up destroying a bunch of property, though...

It was a quiet riot

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

I'm thinking of creating a new heavy metal band.

Osmium should do it.

I hate heavy metal.

I was walking down the street and passed these guys talking about heavy metal.

I walked by them and said under my breath, “God I hate heavy metal.”

One of them heard me and yelled back, “why do you gotta hate the best music ever?”

So I said, “because all these ingots in my bag ...

What's the most important part of a heavy metal band?

The lead singer.

What is a heavy metal musician's favorite dessert?

Ice cream!

Karen walks into a heavy metal bar...

"Ow" Karen exclaimed,"that hurt"

Saw a group of Sikh men jamming out to heavy metal the other day

They were definitely Down With The Sikhness

Heavy metal is a lot like jazz....

It's the lyrics you DON'T hear

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I started a heavy metal tribute band with guys from my Macroeconomics class

We are Guns & Butter

Excessive consumption of heavy metal causes cancer and is ruining society

Especially lead. Lead in the water pipes is a big problem.

I just watched the World Heavy Metal Knitting Championship in Finland.

It was pretty knots!

TIL listening to metal music can give you heavy metal poisoning

It's because of the lead singer.

Heavy metal music video

A horse is watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"
The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.
"Sure," says the ma...

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Why did Moby Dick join a heavy metal band?

He could really whale.

NPR recently started a heavy metal band.

'All Things Dismembered'

I just don't understand kids. My kid says he wants to play heavy metal. So why's he so mad at me?

I bought him one of the best tubas money can buy!

I introduced a miner to some heavy metal.

The Miner really digs the music.

A person is driving on a road, his radio blasting 'Children of the Grave' at max volume.

What is the last thing that goes through his head while he crashes into oncoming traffic at 80 miles per hour?




Heavy metal.

My Best Friend Decided To Play The Tuba in Highschool

He was just really into heavy metal

The plane turbine says to the candy...

"What kind of music do you listen to?"

The candy says "Oh, I'm into rap. What about you?"

The turbine says "I'm a big heavy metal fan."

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An old joke popular with engineers and other neckbeards

A man dies and surprise! he finds himself in the sky and surrounded by clouds and in front of an old man who asks, ”Heaven or Hell?”

Guy goes, "what kind of question is that?" and the old man sighs and goes, “oh another one. Well allow me to show you and then you can make your decision ...

Du Hast

German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"

The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning....

What's The Tin Man's favorite type of music?

He's a big heavy metal guy.

What is Magneto's favourite rock music genre?

Heavy Metal

Two wind turbines were talking to each other.

One of the said "hey, what kind of music do you like?" The other said. "I'm a big heavy metal fan."

Today I saw my friend in class listening to music, so I asked him what music it was.

He said he was listening to rap and asked what I was listening too. I looked him dead in the eye, put a paper clip in my ear and said heavy metal.

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning.

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning. He gets contact from a group of brothers who vouch for the phenomenon as having had an effect on them.

"I'm a jazz saxophonist." The first brother says. "My mother played Charlie Parker for me while I was in the womb, and she could feel me...

2 buddihst monks used to live in a temple on top of a hill. One day, an old sick man comes with his 3 deaf boys.

The old sick man says "I have lived a long busy life, but I was so busy that I couldnt teach my boys anything about life. I feel like I'm going to die soon, so I thought that giving my deaf boys to a buddihst temple might teach them about how to live normal like others".

So, the monks accepte...

Two windmills are on a date.

They're having a great time and really talking it up. The steak at the restaurant is incredible, and they couldn't be having a better time. So, eventually, one of the windmills asks, "hey, what kind of music are you into?" The other windmill responds--

"I'm a big heavy metal fan"

Robot vs AntiRobot music

What is a robot's favorite music? Heavy Metal

What is an anti-robot's favorite music? TechNo

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Fun Facts

The reason that their are only 49 contestants in the Miss America Contest is because nobody wants to wear a banner that says "IDAHO"

My mind is like a bear trap. Rusty and illegal in 37 states.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2 AM! Can you believe it? He's lucky I was up playing wit...

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Voice activated radio.

I just bought a voice activated stereo for my car. Whatever genre of music you say, it will play the most popular artist from that genre of all time.


I told my radio "Rap"

2 Pac started playing on the stereo.

I then told my stereo "Heavy Metal"

It blared Metallica...

I like to think of terrible pickup lines. Here's my most recent one.

"Hey girl, are you a mainstream, late 90's, early 2000's heavy metal band with a lisp?

Becauthe I'm 'Down with the Thickneth."

Looks her up and down.

The death count nears 50 after scaffolding collapses and crushes fans at a rock music festival...

Eye-witnesses say there was a lot of heavy metal.

Have you heard about Michigan's music scene??

I hear there's a lot of heavy metal in Flint. :^)

Why should you not throw stones at a knight?

Because heavy metal is harder than rock.

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