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Siamese Jokes

Why did the siamese twins go to London?

So that the other one can drive as well.

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Siamese twins walk into a bar in Australia...

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Australia and park themselves on a bar stool.
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Fosters beers, draft please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pour...

Imagine if jesus had been born a Siamese twin...

...it would have been the perfect double cross!

I've been breeding non-aggressive Siamese fighting fish.

I call them beta bettas.

My Siamese twin recently passed away

But it's alright, it was about time to cut him out of my life anyway

My Siamese girlfriend has just dumped me...

She caught me banging her sister behind her back.

Siamese Cat

My girlfriend wanted me to buy her a Siamese cat.

My mate told me that they are really expensive, so I've bought 2 normal cats and glued their heads together.

Siamese cats are a great choice for a cat lover on a budget.

You get two for the price of one.

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A Chinaman and a Jew were drinking in a bar

when all of a sudden the Jew knocks the Chinaman out of his barstool

Chinaman: “What’s that for?!!”

Jew: “That’s for Pearl Harbor!!”

Chinaman: “That wasn’t us, that was the Japanese!” To which the Jew replies, “Chinese, Japanese, Siamese. they’re all the same!”

They put t...

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An Oriental man was sitting in a restaurant in Chinatown when a Jew suddenly came up and tipped a bowl of fried rice over his head.

"That's for Pearl Harbour" , said the Jew.
"But I'm Chinese", cried the man. The Jew was unrepentant. "Chinese, Siamese, Japanese, you're all the same!" At this, the Chinaman picked up his plate of sweet and sour chicken and threw it over the Jew.
"That's for sinking the Titanic", shouted the...

Why can't siamese twins be trusted to render fair judgments?

Because they're always partial.

I'm so sorry.

There was a pair of Siamese triplets, but they wanted to be a pair.

So they cut out the middle man.

A Siamese twin said to the other, “Wish we could be separated.”

The other twin replied, “That makes two of us.”

Me and my brother have quite the connection together

We're siamese twins



Note: I am actually not a siamese twin

A musician starts talking to a couple of girls in a bar.

Much to his surprise they turn out to be Siamese twins, joined at the hip. One thing leads to another and the girls wind up back at the man's apartment. They have more drinks and the man eventually talks the twins into bed. He makes love to one girl, then starts to make love to the other. The first ...

A man walks into an antique store and starts looking around.

Suddenly, he gazes upon the most beautiful bronze statue of a siamese cat. He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies "It's $100 for the statue and $1000 for the story that goes with it."

The man replies "I really don't care about the story, but I do wa...

Hercules returned after his most recent adventure in the city of Molione...

Hercules returned after his most recent adventure in the city of Molione where he defeated the demigod brothers, Eurytos and Kteatos, who were siamese twins and had the strength of 2 demigods.

At the temple, Hercules spoke to his father Zeus and asked him why he had to slay them when the gods...

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"Give it here!" "No, it's mine!" "it's my turn!" "you had it last!" "come on gimme it!" "no way!" "but it's my go!"

Siamese twins having a wank.

What happens when you put two and two together?

A Siamese orgy.

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We all know "little Johnny" is a troublemaker. This is his story. NSFW for language-is that a thing?

One day little Johnny comes to school and the teacher says "today we're going practice using the alphabet. I'll start at the beginning and I want all of you to tell me a word that begins with that letter and then use that word in a sentence." She says "alright, who can do A?" Several students raise...

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The Royal Newspaper

The Queen was overjoyed to receive a new royal pet, a tiny Siamese kitten. But one day, the kitten simply disappeared and servants searching high and low could not find her.

One servant thought he heard a scratching noise behind a small mouse hole in the wall, so the King ordered the hole to...

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