UPJOKE
rulemonarchsultanemirdictatorpharaohtyrantoverlordkingemperorcaliphprincekingdomimperialkhan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are authoritarian rulers called dictators?

Because they are always men. Nobody has ever heard of a vagtator…

A funny insight by my wife yesterday.

What do rulers smell like?

A foot

What do bent lines and wartorn countries have in common?

Crooked Rulers.

What does Augustus Caesar and a straight stick used for measuring inches have in common?

They're both imperial rulers

We need good rulers in our country

All the rulers are mismeasuring.

Why are anarchists bad at carpentry?

They have no rulers

Why do blondes take rulers with them to bed?

To measure how long they sleep.

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

At school we discussed the great rulers.

I opted for the helix 30cm shatterproof.

I hated catholic school, the nuns were always hitting me with rulers and slapping me

Anything to defend themselves

How to borrow two rulers.

So I went over to my favorite teacher class and ask-
Me: "Mr Long can I get two rulers?"
Him: " Sure no problem" ( grabs rulers out of desk)
Me: "Thanks needed for a test"
Him: (thinking he is funny he says) "Hey don't mind the mark at 10 inches"
Me: "No problem! Why do you think ...

I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key..

Stayed stationary.

Did you hear about the priest who spoke his good words to each of the African Kings/Rulers?

He blessed the reigns down in Africa.

“Do you know what happened to the rulers?”

“What?”

“They aren’t making them any longer.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers...

...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?

What's the favourite toy of Turkish rulers?

Beyblades.

Why do Republicans use rulers?

They want everything to be straight.

TIL: Units of measurement like feet and inches were originally based on the current monarch's sizes

That's why they were called rulers.

In my day, schooling was so severe.

If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.

Tough measures.

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

In the year 2000, Putin was elected President of Russia...

The night after he was sworn into office, Vladimir Putin had a dream. In it, he stood in a long, elegant hall, and was surrounded by all of the great leaders of Russia, from Ivan the Terrible to Boris Yeltsin. Looking around at them all, he eventually bows his head and says:

"Great rulers o...

There once was a kingdom in a far off land.

The kingdom was called Tridd, and the king had a troll problem. On a nearby mountain, there was a troll that would hurl rocks at the kingdom. So he sent an army of his best soldiers to kill it. However, the troll simply kicked them all down the mountain.

So, the king tried to negotiate with t...

Down with the metric system

No more foreign rulers!

I left school with two qualifications 'Maths' and 'Woodwork' and i walked straight in a job..

Making rulers...

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