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Rulers Jokes

What do rulers smell like?

A foot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are authoritarian rulers called dictators?

Because they are always men. Nobody has ever heard of a vagtator…

A funny insight by my wife yesterday.

Down with the metric system

No more foreign rulers!

We need good rulers in our country

All the rulers are mismeasuring.

Why do blondes take rulers with them to bed?

To measure how long they sleep.

What’s a rulers favorite Mexican dinner?

Inchalada

At school we discussed the great rulers.

I opted for the helix 30cm shatterproof.

“Do you know what happened to the rulers?”

“What?”

“They aren’t making them any longer.”

What's the favourite toy of Turkish rulers?

Beyblades.

Why do Republicans use rulers?

They want everything to be straight.

I hated catholic school, the nuns were always hitting me with rulers and slapping me

Anything to defend themselves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers...

...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key..

Stayed stationary.

Did you hear about the priest who spoke his good words to each of the African Kings/Rulers?

He blessed the reigns down in Africa.

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

In my day, schooling was so severe.

If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.

Tough measures.

In the year 2000, Putin was elected President of Russia...

The night after he was sworn into office, Vladimir Putin had a dream. In it, he stood in a long, elegant hall, and was surrounded by all of the great leaders of Russia, from Ivan the Terrible to Boris Yeltsin. Looking around at them all, he eventually bows his head and says:

"Great rulers o...

Camilla was really disappointed after the coronation.

She thought all rulers were 30 centimetres (12 inches)

What does Augustus Caesar and a straight stick used for measuring inches have in common?

They're both imperial rulers

What do bent lines and wartorn countries have in common?

Crooked Rulers.

TIL: Units of measurement like feet and inches were originally based on the current monarch's sizes

That's why they were called rulers.

Why are anarchists bad at carpentry?

They have no rulers

I like jokes about stationary..

But rulers are where I draw the line

I left school with two qualifications 'Maths' and 'Woodwork' and i walked straight in a job..

Making rulers...

Did you know all French meter sticks are a foot shorter?

They have a habit of cutting the heads off their rulers.

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