I asked my grandpa, “after 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful, and honey. What’s your secret?”

Grandpa, “I forgot her name 5 years ago, I’m too scared to ask her.”

A 65 year old man is met by a genie

The old man is told by the Genie that he will grant him one wish.

The man says “I wish for a wife 30 years younger!”


So the genie made him 90.

What do you call Hispanic men that are over 65 years old?

Señor citizens.



I’ll see myself out thanks

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck...

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A man getting a BJ from a 65 year old prostitute and a man walking a mile high tight rope are thinking the same thing.

Don't Look Down

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My 65 year old mum bought one of those sphynx cats the other day.

Now she's going around telling everyone about her new bald pussy!

True

Mother

Fucking

Story!!

Face-palm!

Got talking to a girl online then when we met in person she was a 65 year old guy.

She wasn't lying when she said her ex was a plastic surgeon.

A 65 year old man driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the senior. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Queen Elizabeth has been on the Throne for 65 years

That's one hell of a dodgy curry.

There was an elderly couple aged 65 years old

Who had been married for 45 years. They shared a bed and like most couples had one side each, on her side was a bedside table with make up, hair curlers magazines etc, on his bedside table there was a small wooden box.

The husband went away to work one day and his wife was cleaning the house,...

Need advice: I'm 35 years old but due to drinking problems I have the liver of a 65 year old

I got drunk and before I knew it I was performing surgery on an older man. How can I either dispose of his liver or sell it on the black market?

An old woman ask her husband of 65 years...

what would you do if I stated smoking?

He quickly replies "Slow down and use more lube."

65 year old guy i work with came at me with this one the other day

What does a 80 year old women taste like?












Depends..

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Sperm count

An 65 year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which wa...

It’s unlikely that President Trump truly has COVID...

He’s been paying others to take his tests for 65 years.

Politeness is key

A woman fell pregnant to a horrible, violent man.

She decided to leave him and raise the baby on her own, rather than have it turn out like its father, and so she moved far away and settled in for 9 months. She went to the doctor and asked him how she could make her baby nicer, and he told he...

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Another Dad joke

Four old guys are playing their almost daily round of golf one day. They get to the teebox on a par 3 which is within sight of a nearby road. The first three guys hit their shots and miss the green. The last old guy tees up his ball. Just then, a funeral procession drives by in the distance. The old...

A man prayed to God his entire life to win the lottery.

A man prayed to God every day for 65 years. He prayed in the morning, at lunchtime, in the evening and just before he went to sleep.

The man passed away and went to heaven. The man was rather upset with the Lord and sought him out.

When the man found the Lord, he said "I've been prayi...

A man is driving late at night when his car breaks down in front of a remote Buddhist monastery.

He knocks on the door and the monks open it. He tells the monks about his situation, and how he can't call for a mechanic at those hours of the night, so he asks them if he can stay the night in the monastery. The monks happily agree, and give him a room with a bed to sleep on.

In the middle ...

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and...

The Nudist Club

(Long)

A man joins an extremely exclusive nudist club. The first day in the camp he undresses and starts walking around a bit uncomfortably. The first person he meets is an extremely beautiful busty blonde and the man gets an erection immediately. The woman notices his erection, comes up to h...

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The definition of success is different for different ages

5 year old-Not peeing in your pants at night

12 years old-Having a lot friends

16 years old-Being able to drive

20 years old-Having a lot of sex

34 years old-Having a lot of money

54 years old-Having a lot of sex

65 years old-Being able to drive

70 ye...

90 year old couple was in a hospital

Husband was gently calling wife as darling or cutie pie or honey every time he addresses her. There was a young couple sitting near them and observing them.
The old couple was leaving and the young guy was curious about the old man’s romance being alive at that age so he stopped the old man and a...

The other day I was visiting my 105-year–old grandfather in the nursing home.

I was asking him about what his marriage was like; he was married for 65 years before his wife died.

"Grandpa, what was it like being married for so long?" I asked.

He was getting to that point where he would often just kind of doze off or drift away mid-conversation, so I gave him a f...

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Hurricane Gussy (NSFW?)

A man enters a brothel and tells the madam he's looking for something new and exciting.

The madam says "Well, we have one girl who is a contortionist."

The man says "No, that's too ordinary."

The madam thinks for a moment and says "What about a Hurricane Gussy? Have you ever ...

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A fiftyish woman is at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea
how ridiculous you look? What`s the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don`t care. I
just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the
breasts of an 18 year old."...

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BEING A FARMER IS TOUGH!

A farmer was selling

his peaches door to door.
He knocked on a door

and a shapely 30-something woman
dressed in a very

sheer negligee answered the door.
He raised his basket

to show her the peaches and asked,
"Would you like to

buy some peaches?...

A Saskatchewan Farmer Retires

A 65 year old Saskatchewan farmer decides to retire and move to the Rocky Mountains after living his whole life on the prairies. A few months later a friend comes to visit.

"What do you think of the mountains?" his friend asks.

"They are okay, but they sure obscure the view."

A joke about planes

So, Jack and Jill were just married, both age 20, and go to this funfair, which offers a plane ride for £20.
Jack: Please, can we go? I've always wanted to fly on a plane!
Jill: I'm sorry Jack. £20, is £20
20 years later, they go to the same funfair, have fun on the rides, until they come a...

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Carnation Milk

65 Years Ago.

This is PRICELESS ............

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around
her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk,
with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery
stores...

An elderly lady's husband just passed away and to get things ready she went to the place that sells and engraves tombstones...

When she got there, she ordered the most expensive tombstone she could afford. They were married 65 years after all and; had 6 children, made lots of money, traveled many places, made lots of memories, and loved each other very much of course.

When paying for the tombstone, they asked what sh...

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