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Parisian Jokes

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A Londoner, a Parisian and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals…

The cannibals are pretty pissed off because these guys have just wandered into their territory without asking permission. So the cannibals tell them, “We’re going to kill you, we’re going to eat you, and we’re going to make a canoe out of your skins. But just because we’re in a good mood today will...

What do you call a Parisian who enjoys canning cucumbers?

A French Pickler.

There’s a guy going around pushing Parisians into their river. People really aren’t happy about him,

He’s making them go inseine.

Do you know why Parisians only have a single egg for breakfast?

Because in France one egg is un œuf.

Parisian vacation

A woman took a vacation to France some years ago with one of her girl- friends. Her husband drove her to the airport and wished her a good trip. The wife asked, "Would you like me to bring something
back for you?"

The husband laughed and says, "How about a French girl!"

The woman ke...

Ever hear about that small chicken that inhabited a Parisian opera house?

It was called the bantam of the opera!

What'd the Parisian chef say when he messed up his Pancakes?

"Aww Crepe."

How do the Parisians prefer to get their news and coffee

The French Press

Did you hear about the Parisian who jumped off a bridge?

He went in Seine.

What do you get if you cross Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip?

Killed in a Parisian tunnel.

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Once, there was a French battle pilot, named Jean-Pierre

(I recommend reading the joke in a heavy French accent)

After the war, Jean-Pierre returned to live in Paris, above a local pub.

One night, he noticed a gorgeous blonde Parisian and went to flirt with her, which went well.

After a while of flirting, the blonde told Jean-Pierre,...

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French, Italian and Russian are talking about their sex lives

French says: "When I get down with my woman, I can get her satisfied. I just slowly undress her latest Parisian fashion garments, and softly whisper of all the dirty things I will do to her. When I get going, she screams all night."

Italian replies: "That's nothing. When my lady and I start t...

The Furniture Dealer

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.

To celebrate the ...

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My grandfather was a WWII vet...

He said he went to Paris back in the day, and went into this lounge called "Les Jardin Rois" got drunk and pissed on the bar, banged all the waitresses, beat up the bouncer and threw a chair through the front window.
Naturally, I went there on vacation one year and tried the same shit, got my a...

After Quasimodo died, Notre Dame Cathedral needed a replacement bell ringer, and after several fruitless months a strange little man approaches one of the priests...

"I'd like the bell ringer job if it's still available." says the man. Confused, the priest says "Of course, but I'm afraid there might be some confusion. I can't help but notice that you don't have any arms, so ringing the bells would be quite impossible." The little man smiles and says "I come from...

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Gerrard and the nudist beach

Gerrard, a young Parisian stud, books himself a couple of weeks at a coastal nudist colony to work on the tan (and the ladies) but on his first day he realises his member looks like a milk bottle compared to the rest of his tanned, toned body - he doesn't believe in sunbeds and you can't exactly bat...

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