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Masochist Jokes

I'm a masochist. There's nothing I love more than getting up at 3 in the morning for a cold shower.

So I don't.

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A masochist and a sadist once married..

They did not know what the other person was and like every happy married life, they did not talk about each other's feelings. The sadist hit the masochist in bed every night and the masochist cried out in happiness that his wife could cater to his needs without him asking for it. The marriage worked...

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac
are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution,
bored out of their minds.
"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it," said the sadist. ...

I told my psychologist that I'm a masochist.

He said I shouldn't beat myself up over it.

2 masochists went to a BDSM convention

The convention was doing a special showcase of some dominatrixes who were considered the best at their job, they were all on separate booths where they would give out free samples and show off their techniques.

On the first day the more experienced masochist wanted to go to the woman with th...

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A masochist, a sadist, and a redditor walk into a bar...

The masochist gets excited and walks into it again.
The sadist grins and sits back to watch.
The redditor groans in pain, wondering who put it there and writes a better joke in the comments.

What's the difference btwn a mosquito and a masochist

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

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What did the masochist say to the sadist?

"Hurt me."

What did that sadist respond?
"No."

Why are French bakers so masochistic?

They just knead to feel some pain.

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"Hey masochist, why do you spend so much time with the sadist?"

"Beats me."

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A sadist, a masochist, a zoophile, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a serial killer are having a stroll in the park.

This merry band of weirdoes and deviants are getting a bit bored. Then the zoophile whispers: "Oooh, I know what we should do. Let's catch a cat!"

The sadist nods approvingly: "Yes! Let's catch a cat... and let's torture it!"

The serial killer licks the blade of his knife, and chimes i...

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A zoophiliac, a pyromaniac, a necrophilliac, a pedophile and a masochist are in the loony bin.

Zoophilliac: Let's fuck a cat!

Pedophile: Make it a kitten!

Pyromaniac: Before we fuck it we burn it!

Necrophilliac: Yes! we fuck it after it's dead!

Everyone is jumping in excitement, then look at the masochist.

Masochist: MEEEEEEEOOOWWWWWWW.

how does a masochist do his grilling?

With pro-pain

Why did the masochist cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

What's a masochist's favorite drink?

Champain

how do you tell the difference between a nerd and a masochist

ask them who their dungeon master is

Guess what the dominatrix said to the masochist.

You'll kick yourself when I tell you...

Our friend just admitted to us that he’s a masochist;

The confession was painful, but..he seemed to enjoy it.

What do nanomachines and masochists have in common?

they harden in response to physical trauma

I’m a masochist

There’s nothing I love more than punching myself in the face.... So I don’t

My wife left me because I am a masochist

What a professional

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A sadist married a masochist.

On their wedding night the masochist threw herself on the bed and cried, beat me.
To which the sadist replied, no I won't.

A masochist walks into a bar

Repeatedly.

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A masochist asks a sadist to hurt him...

...the sadist, smiling, walks away.

What is a masochistics favorite vegetable?

The artichoke

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A masochist and a sadist are sitting in a coffee bar. The masochist says “Beat me NOW!” The sadist replies….

Later.

A zooaphile, a pyromaniac, a necrophiliac and a masochist are walking around..

...and they see a cow. The zooaphile says "hey guys, I'd like some time with that cow". The pyromaniac says "that's cool with me but when you're done I'm gonna set that cow on fire". The necrophiliac says "that's cool, when the fire goes out I'd like some time with that cow as well". The masochist...

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A rapist, a zoophile, a pedophile, a sadist, a necrophile, a pyromaniac, and a masochist are all standing in a jail cell. .

The rapist: "I'd like to fuck something."

The zoophile: "A cat?"

The pedophile: "Even better, a kitten."

The sadist: "How about we beat the kitten up, and THEN have sex with it?"

The necrophiliac: "Alright let's beat a kitten to DEATH, and then have sex with it."

T...

Being a masochist, I like nothing better than starting the day with a freezing cold shower.

So I have a hot one.

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A sadist and a masochist are sitting on a park bench.

The masochist says, "Hit me." The sadist says, "No."

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A zoophile, a masochist and an arsonist get together

They're all bored out of their minds in their little apartment when a cat appears on the window.

The zoophile looks at it lustfully and says "I'm gonna hit that cat senseless and fuck it"

The arsonist gets excited and shouts "hell yeah!! And when you're done I can stick a firework up i...

Why do masochistic people tend to explode?

Because they are propane

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A zoophiliac, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a masochist are sitting together in a prison cell...

The zoophiliac looks around himself and muses:

"Damn, I wish there was a cat around here... ya know, we could... fuck the cat."

His inmates nod in agreement. The murderer then says:

"Or we could fuck it, and then kill it!"

The necrophiliac turns to the others and, grinni...

Never believe a masochist cannibal

They are so full of themselves.

A masochist walks into a construction yard

A masochist walks into a construction yard and a breeze block falls onto his head only to miraculously split into two. A nearby construction worker exclaims in amazement to the masochist that "You must be as hard as a rock". The masochist replied saying "You have no idea".

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A masochist walks out onto the street, screaming "Please, hurt me, please!"

As he tears his shirt and wails out, a crowd gathers around him, until finally, a sadist steps forward.

Once more, the man screams to him, pleading "Please, hurt me, I need it!"

To which, the sadist walks around him in a circle, smirks at him, and says "No".

All credit to my o...

Why would anyone want to be a masochist?

Beats me

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What's a masochist's favorite place to go have fun?

An Abusement Park

A crackhead and a masochist are in a prison cell...

They both have life sentences for one reason or another and are pretty hopeless overall. One day the masochist chops his finger off and throws it out of the cell just because he is bored. Then a few minutes later he chops his arm up to the elbow and throws it out of the cell. He repeats this action ...

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A Sadist and a Masochist were walking down the beach together…

The masochist turns to the sadist and says, “Beat me…beat me!”

And the sadist says, “No.”

If Hank Hill were a masochist...

He would be Pro-pain.

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A sadist takes a masochist to his dungeon

He cuffs the masochist to the wall, blindfolds him, and asks him a minute to test the quality of his equipment.

He starts whiping the air, to check his whip's durability. He realizes it's fine. He then proceeds to sharpening his knives, until they cut perfectly. After that, he moves the cogs ...

Why are masochist gathering in French bakeries?

Because they're full of pains.

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I bought some masochistic butter today.

It came whipped.

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We are all masochists when we poop or have sex

It hurts at first but it feels great later

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A sadist and a masochist got together.

The masochist goes, "Torture me! Torture me!"

The sadist goes, "Nope."

What does a masochistic robot enjoy?

Cog and bolt torture

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A Masochist asks a Sadist to Continue Hurting Him

A true sadist says "No!"

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A sadist, a rapist, a murderer, an arsonist, a necrophile and a masochist see a cat in the street

The sadist proclaims loudly, "I want to torture that cat."

Not to be easily outdone, the rapist says, "I want to torture that cat and then fuck it."

Following suit, the murderer says "I want to torture the cat, fuck it and then kill it."

The arsonist says, "I wanna torture the c...

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A sadist and a masochist pass each other on the street.

The masochist recognizes the sadist for their nature and says with anticipation, 'Beat me.'

The sadist begins to smile and say to the masochist, 'No.'

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A sadist and a masochist become stranded on a deserted island.

Masochist: Torture me, please!

Sadist: Nope...

A masochist falls off a cliff.

When he landed, it cracked him up.

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A sadist and a masochist meet for some kinky time

They go to the sadist's room, full of whips, clips, bondage stuff etc. The sadist slowly goes from one device to the next, eyeing the masochist.

The masochist can't take it anymore and blurts out "Oh yes master, whip me, spank me, hurt me!"

And the sadist, with an evil, horny grin,...

I've worked in a masochistic shop for years.

It's painfully boring.

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A zoophile, a sadist, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a masochist hang out together...

Zoophile: "We should fuck a cat"

Sadist: "Yeah and after that we torture it to death"

Necrophile: "Awesome idea! And when it's dead we will fuck it again"

Pyromaniac: "And wenn we're done we just set that molested animal on fire!"

Then the Masochist clears his throat and ...

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Masochist meets sadist

Masochist meets sadist. "Torture me", saids masochists. Sadist replies: "No way"

What’s giggling, red, and gets smaller by the minute?

A masochist with a cheese grater

What do you call a bunch of masochists on an ocean voyage?

A bruise cruise

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A masochist and a sadist are sitting in a prison cell

The masochist begs to the sadist “Please! Torture me!”

The sadist looks at the masochist and says, “No.”

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A sadist and a masochist are in a room together

The masochist says "Hurt me!"

The sadist responds "No."

(Courtesy of my social 30-1 teacher)

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A zoophile, a pyromaniac, a necrophile and a masochist are siiting on a bench...

... in a park. The zoophile comes up with a twisted idea:
"Let's find a cat and fuck its brains out", he says.
"Yeah, and then let's burn it to a crisp!", adds the pyro.
"Brilliant idea, so we can fuck it, burn it, then fuck it again", says the necrophile.
The masochist's eyes light up a...

I asked my masochist friend why he stays with his wife in a loveless marriage.

He just shrugged and said, “beats me”.

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A sadist and a masochist meet in a club.

Sadist: Hi, I'm a sadist.
Masochist: Hi, I'm a masochist. Do you want to come to my house?
Back at the masochist 's house and the masochist is tied down to the bed ready to begin.
Masochist: Whip me! Beat me! Do anything you want to me!!
Sadist: No.

[Formatting?]

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6 patients in a psych ward.

There are 6 patients in a mental facility all sitting around chatting. There was a zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromanic, and a masochist. And for some reason they are talking about cats.

The zoophile says, "I know! Let's get a cat, and fuck it!"

To which the sadi...

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There's a sadist, a zoophile, a murderer, a necrophiliac, an arsonist and a masochist all sitting around a table in a mental institution.

Suddenly the sadist says, let's torture a cat. Then the zoophile says yeah let's torture a cat and then have sex with it. Then the murderer says, let's torture a cat, have sex with it and then kill it. The necrophiliac follows up with, let's torture a cat, have sex with it, kill it and then have sex...

Did you hear about that masochistic bully?

He was just begging to get punched

What does a french masochist say after getting beaten up?

Merci

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A sadist, masochist, arsonist and a murderer are sitting in a park next to each other.

A cat walks by and the murderer's instincts kick in:

"Lets kill the fucking cat!"

The sadist immediately disagrees:

"No lets torture it and THEN kill it!"

Arsonist chimes in:

"No! Come on you guys, lets torture it burn all its fur and THEN kill it!"

The maso...

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A zoophile, a necrophiliac, a hunter and a masochist...

A zoophile, a necrophiliac, a hunter and a masochist get together in a group.

The hunter says: Alright, the zoophile, you fuck a dog, okay?

The zoophile agrees. The hunter says: "Then I shoot it, okay? Then the necrophiliac fucks the dog, which is now dead, is that cool?

The nec...

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