No matter how many drafts of my suicide note I write, I just can’t seem to end it.
After receiving an 89 on his English exam, an immigrant mother tries to cheer up her perfectionist son by telling him "You've gotta be positive!"
"It's pronounced 'B plus'", replied the son, "and I wanted an A!"
A joke my dad told me years ago, about a perfectionist.
Here we have a perfectionist who is looking to build a brick extension to his house. After doing done calculations, he comes to find that he will need exactly 999 bricks. With his new information, he heads to the local hardware store to order a pallet of 999 bricks. Unfortunately, the manager said t...
The definition of a perfectionist
Someone who wants to go from point A to point A+
A perfectionist walks into a bar
He says to the bartender "Leave. I'll make the drink myself."
I bought ten bananas and began peeling each one as perfectly as I could. After finishing the seventh banana and beginning the next, I realised I had missed a small piece of the peel, just near the top. So being a total perfectionist I stuck the peel back on and did it again ...
Yes folks, it seems I just re\-peeled the eighth.
What do you call a rock band with a perfectionist in it?
I’m trying to stop being such a perfectionist
I’ve been working on it for ages now.
Did you hear that the CIA hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon landings?
He was such a perfectionist, he made them film on location.
wee bit perfectionist
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.
Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daug...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man and a woman are having an argument
In the heat of the argument, she calls him a misogynist.
"Am not!" he says. "In fact, I'll have you know that at my workplace, I have two bosses - one is a man, and one is a woman - and I see them both as equals!"
"Is that so?"
"Yep! And they *both* drive me crazy! He's always ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A broke man went to a brothel.
He approached the head mistress and said “I have 15$, what can you do for me?”. She responded; “Well, Greta up in room 102 can help you, she is pretty old, but very good. She has helped many before for very little”. The guy thanked her and went on his way. Upon entering room 102 and meeting Greta...
A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible...
The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul...
I don't know the meaning of the word "quit." I was going to look it up, but...
I still have some suicidal thoughts, but most of them have already killed themselves.
I’m a perfectionist. I’ve been writing and rewriting a suicide note for twelve years. It’s killing me.
My friend asked, “Must you write so many suicide jokes?” “Don’t worry. I’ll stop soon.”
A guy walks into a bar...
It's a really neat bar, clean, good music, but empty. Only the bartender is standing behind the counter. So the man sits at the bar, orders a beer, and asks:
"Hey that's a really cool bar you got there, how come it's all empty?" Bartender replies:
You see those tables? I made the...