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Perfectionist Jokes

A perfectionist walks into a bar

Apparently, it wasn't set high enough

I'm a procrastinator and a perfectionist.

Someday I'm going to be perfect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my therapist said I may be a perfectionist

I responded "Well that can't be right, I don't fit the criteria well enough"

A perfectionist walks into a bar

He says to the bartender "Leave. I'll make the drink myself."

wee bit perfectionist

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daug...

I’m a suicidal perfectionist…

No matter how many drafts of my suicide note I write, I just can’t seem to end it.

After receiving an 89 on his English exam, an immigrant mother tries to cheer up her perfectionist son by telling him "You've gotta be positive!"

"It's pronounced 'B plus'", replied the son, "and I wanted an A!"

The definition of a perfectionist

Someone who wants to go from point A to point A+

I bought ten bananas and began peeling each one as perfectly as I could. After finishing the seventh banana and beginning the next, I realised I had missed a small piece of the peel, just near the top. So being a total perfectionist I stuck the peel back on and did it again ...

Yes folks, it seems I just re\-peeled the eighth.

What do you call a rock band with a perfectionist in it?

OCDC

A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible...

The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul...

The moon landings were faked…

But the director was such a perfectionist that he demanded they be filmed on location.

I’m trying to stop being such a perfectionist

I’ve been working on it for ages now.

Did you hear that the CIA hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon landings?

He was such a perfectionist, he made them film on location.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman are having an argument

In the heat of the argument, she calls him a misogynist.

"Am not!" he says. "In fact, I'll have you know that at my workplace, I have two bosses - one is a man, and one is a woman - and I see them both as equals!"

"Is that so?"

"Yep! And they *both* drive me crazy! He's always ...

I don't know the meaning of the word "quit." I was going to look it up, but...

I still have some suicidal thoughts, but most of them have already killed themselves.

I’m a perfectionist. I’ve been writing and rewriting a suicide note for twelve years. It’s killing me.

My friend asked, “Must you write so many suicide jokes?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll stop soon.”

A guy walks into a bar...

It's a really neat bar, clean, good music, but empty. Only the bartender is standing behind the counter.
So the man sits at the bar, orders a beer, and asks:

"Hey that's a really cool bar you got there, how come it's all empty?"
Bartender replies:

You see those tables? I made the...

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