Old Day Jokes - 20 Hilarious Old Day Jokes

Jesus and Moses are relaxing on a boat and talking about the good old days.

The subject of miracles comes up, and they decide to see if they can still perform them.

"It's been almost 4000 years since I did this one" Moses says, then raises his arms. The water parts, revealing the floor of the lake.

Jesus claps His hands and says "Good one! It's only been abo...

The Good Old Days

> You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

- Emo Philips

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The old days

When I was young there was no internet, people had to walk for miles to call me a cunt.

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my grandpa tells us about his good old days in Hong Kong

He said, "when I was your age, I can go into the groceries with 10 dollars, and come out with 2 loaves of bread, 2 dozen of eggs, 2 kilos of potatoes, maybe a few cans of soda, plus handful of candies and probably some beef jerky."

We were like, "omg!!! That's a lot!! 10 dollars now can only ...

Good old days

It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why d...

I asked my Grandpa. "What were your good old days". He said...

"They were before I was good and before I was old"

The Good Old Days [long]

There was a little boy named Timmy whose grandpa came to visit. Grandpa said to Timmy “I’m so glad we get to spend some time together! Tell me, what would you like to do? We can do anything you want!”

Timmy replied, “To tell you the truth grandpa, my very favourite thing is to go to the...

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An elderly man living alone in Manchester wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard.

His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison (strange ways) . The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be di...

I miss the old days

Before I could go into a store with 3 bucks and get 5 videogames, but now they have cameras all over the place.

I miss the old days...

I heard that entropy isn't what it used to be.

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I miss the good old days when the president only lied to us to protect national security.

Or to hide a blowjob from his wife.

My Grandfather is always going on about how in the old days people could leave their back doors open.

That's probably why his submarine sank.

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A grandad remembers the good old days

When I was a boy, my mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I'd come back with 2 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a large chunk of cheese and 6 eggs.

You can't do that nowadays.

Too many fucking security cameras.

I remember the old days...

When people would get mad if you read their diary. Now they post it online and get mad if you don't read it.

2 old men with alzheimer's are chatting about the good old day's

The one askes the other

'What's the name of the game reserve we use to go to every summer?'

The other guy thinks for a minute before he turns to his wife and asks...

'Honey, what do you call the red flower with the thorns on the stem?'

'A rose' she replys

He then a...

I still remember the good old days in America,

When it was “Hands up OR I’LL shoot!”

In the old days Vikings went raiding for gold and women...

In the old days Vikings went raiding for gold and women.

Many were the countries where they landed and from each ‘visit’, they always brought back gold and women...until the day they landed in England.

From England they only brought back the gold.

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Heard they used to build houses out of cow dung in the old days

I think that’s bullshit

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Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink?

Nowadays, there’s cameras everywhere.

All the screaming kids at work today, really made me miss the good old days.

Back when they would work a 9-5 down at the local iron mill.

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