Outdated Jokes - 28 Hilarious Outdated Jokes

Titanic jokes aren't funny anymore. They're so old and outdated.

That ship has sailed a long time ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin was being briefed by one of his top generals.

"I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir."

"Let's hear the good news," the president replied.

"Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all."

"That's excellent!...

A Very Outdated But Still Funny Joke

A high-school teacher asks a girl in the class, "What part of the body enlarges to ten times its normal size during periods of excitement?"

The girl stammers and blushes and looks at the floor and says, "I don't want to answer that question."

So the teacher asks a boy, "Do you know the...

I found a recipe from Morocco for homemade dinner rolls. It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated. I used it anyways.

You know, as I reminisce, I really like that old thyme Moroccan roll.

'Mailman' is so outdated...

I prefer using the term 'of the mail persuasion.'

My girlfriend left me because I'm outdated.

Now I'm listening to the cassette tape I made for her while crying into my typewriter.

I asked my Granddaughter to hand me the newspaper. She told me newspapers are outdated, and everyone now uses tablets, so she handed me her iPad.

That Fly didn't stand a chance.

Garden shears will never be outdated.

After all, it's cutting-hedge technology.

My daughter made a giant pair of shears from outdated computer parts in art class at school

She called it “Cutting hedge technology”

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You know, garbage man as a job title is a little sexist and outdated.

We should call them garbage people instead.

"Your mama" jokes are too outdated.

Just like your mama

It's the Month of Ramadan and we had remaining dates from last year but we can't use them this year.

They're Outdated.

There's only one thing I hate more than outdated references and racism...

....The "I have a Dream" speech.

8 letter word for the somewhat-outdated practice by male prisoners of giving their female co-criminals first pick at the bootleg weapons?

Shivalry.

Yo mama jokes are classics

They’re kinda outdated, yet still enjoyed by many.

Just like yo mama.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you make jerk chicken?

Give him a red hat and an outdated election flag.

Mario, Wario and Luigi went to northern Norway to visit Father Christmas.

Luigi read a big book of Norwegian ethnography before the visit. Wario read a big book about Father Christmas. Mario read a big book about Scandinavian languages.

They had a great time meeting Father Christmas and visiting the workshops, where they spent a little time watching the elves doin...

My wife told me she wanted me to treat her like a queen.

So I had her executed with the guillotine for betraying the revolution and promoting undemocratic, outdated ideas.

Long live the republic!

An Old Joke Only Some People Are Going To Get

How do you take down a superhero?

Put a horse under him

Like I said this is an older joke that is completely outdated and it's not for everyone but for those of you old enough to remember this one is for you

Request: Jokes for my five year old son

My son is starting to get into jokes and it's surprisingly difficult to find joke books that are appropriate for his age. Most recycle old jokes with outdated references that he doesn't even understand. Some of the references are so musty I don't even get them. Does anyone have good jokes/riddles...

A banker, a blacksmith, and a demolitions expert are all on a small plane.

The engine on the plane starts to fail and the pilot says to the three passengers on board
“Throw your least important belongings over the plane so that we can lighten the load on the engine”

The banker decides that his pennies weigh the most and have the least value so he throws all of th...

An atheist decides he was to be Jewish...

An atheist is inspired by the Jewish philosophy and approach to religion, how it's built around questioning and responding with more and deeper questions. He's not sold on the God stuff, but decides he can look past that if it means getting to engage with a thoughtful, inquisitive community.

...

A 2007 study showed that for high school students graduating in the US, 4/3 did not know how to properly use fractions.

It might be an outdated study though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does black people and Deutsche Mark have in common?

Both are outdated currency.

Daddy, is god a Man or a Woman?

Father: God is both.

Boy: Is God Black or White?

Father: God is both.

Boy: Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?

*Note* I know this joke is outdated, but a very close friend told it to me a couple years ago and as she recently passed away, I'm posting it here so people c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fred and Barney are standing next to the jukebox,...

Barney says, "Hey, Fred, what do you want to listen to? *Rock* music?"

Fred replies, "You know, Barney, just because we live in the stone age doesn't mean all your puns have to be rock-based. Besides, I have a very eclectic taste in music which better suites my personality."

Barney ret...

A gorgeous woman doing stand-up at a comedy club

....and she's not doing so well. It's not that her delivery or stage presence is bad. It's simply because she's using extremely tired and outdated material. To put it frankly, the audience was sick and tired of hearing the same damn jokes that had been told time after time on that stage.

Afte...

A greedy old miser dies alone. In his will he's divided his fortune between his pastor, his doctor, and his lawyer with one last request...

The old man's will states that he wishes to take his fortune with him. His final request is that these three, the last man on earth he feels he can trust, each bring their allotment of his fortune to his funeral, ten million each, and deposit the money in his coffin and bare witness as it's sealed a...

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