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Whiny Jokes

The whiny monk

A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He can only say two words every five years.

After five years, Father Donald says to him, "Brother John, what do you have to say?"

He replies, "Bed hard."

Five more years go by and Father Donald asks him again.

He replies...

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What do you call a safe place for whiny people who complain a lot?

An O-bitch-uary

What did the Ukrainian say to the whiny American?

Crimea River.

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Whiny prostitute

Why did the whiny prostitute feel she really needed to buy a house? So she could finally feel comfortable telling her parents she was a ho' moaner.

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A man walks into a bar and sees a 5 gallon jug filled with $20 bills...

He sits at the bar and asks the bartender about it. The bartender replies,

"It's the $20 challenge. You put a $20 into the jar, complete a set of three challenges, and if you win you take home the entire jar!"

The man looked at it and asked what the challenges were, because that much m...

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.

But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.

What’s the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?

One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler.

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and...

Riesling… Chardonnay... Merlot... Cabernet... Pinot noir…

Sorry, I don't know why I'm being so whiny this morning.

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The priest and the parrot

A priest moved to a new, remote parish and was feeling lonely. To keep him company, he went to the pet store to buy a parrot. Unfortunately, parrots are quite expensive, and he couldn't afford one.

Feeling sorry for him, the store owner told him, "Well, I do have this one parrot, but it was o...

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Depression Era Prostitute NSFW

Three generations of prostitutes were hanging out on the street corner talking about their day.

The youngest complains “I just sucked that guy off and all I got was a lousy $50!”

The middle aged one says “$50?!?! Hell, when I was your age I would be thrilled with $10!”

The eldes...

Ethel was visiting her friend Martha at her home for the first time.

Ethel exclaimed "You have such a beautiful home, Martha. I especially like those 3 fancy vases on your mantle."

Martha replied "Those aren't vases, they're urns... this one is my first husband Bill, this one is my second husband Jim, and that one is my third husband Ted"

Ethel replied...

A trucker walks into a brothel.

“Welcome, sir,” the lady in charge says. “How can I assist you?”

The man puts down a large wad of cash in front of her, and says,

“Get me the most slovenly and whiny girl that can’t cook well either.”

The woman eyes the money, and responds, “But sir, you could have the best, mo...

GOD: "Hey, let's make Vampires REAL. . .!"

God: "They shall drink BLOOD!"

God: "They shall be responsible for the DEATHS of more humans in history than any other creature!"

God: ". . . And they can FLY!"

God: . . .But let's troll them so they can only make annoying high pitched whiny noises

God: . . .And are only ...

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I became a proud dad today.

My son is four, but he acted like a whiny bitch for the first three years.

[In Court Room]

Judge: How does the defendant plead.

Lawyer: like this your honor 'makes whiny noise' \*noooo i didnt do any crimes\*

Judge: HAHAHA do it again

Friends

Back in the '90s my then-wife and I used to watch the TV show Friends, and as people did we would compare ourselves to the characters in the show. I always said I was the Chandler of our group because I felt I was the sarcastic, funny one, and my then-wife would always come back with saying I was m...

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What's the difference between a new golf ball and a spoilt child?

One's white and shiny, and the other is shite and whiny!

The cowboy and his very smart horse (kinda long)

A cowboy is kidnapped by bandits. After taking him back to their hideout, they tell him that they're going to execute him at noon tomorrow. Now, these bandits seem to be pretty nice guys who just happen to be in a nasty line of work, and they ask the cowboy if he has any last requests before he dies...

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Two brothers Matt and John go camping in the woods

When they arrive where they want to camp, they make dinner, have a few beers, but realize they forgot one of their two one-person tents at home. They decide to play rock/paper/scissors to see who gets to sleep in the tent and who has to sleep outside. Matt wins and so they both climb in their sleepi...

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A man was walking on a beach one day and saw a girl with no arms or legs crying…

He went up to her and asked why she was crying, and she said "Because no one has ever hugged me before." So, the man hugged her and left.

The next day the same man was walking on the same beach and saw the same girl crying. Again, he asked why she was crying, and she replied "Because no one h...

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Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks.

Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blended Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.<...

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