UPJOKE
heedcomplylistenfollowconformobedienceminddisobeyabideupholdadhereswearenforceignoreinstruct

Obeyed Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer pulls a man over because he hadn't obeyed the stop sign. The cop approaches the window...

Cop-"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

Driver-"I didn't do anything wrong"

Cop-"You didn't stop at the stop sign, you only slowed down, and that is still illegal"

Driver-"slowing down, stopping, same thing! That's bull shit! I was still being careful!"

Cop-"step out of...

A lady and her butler

A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off.

She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home ear...

For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman......

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he promised to pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he also promised to provide child suppor...

A mother asked her son to lose their cat somewhere in the jungle.

The boy obeyed. The boy returned home and reported to his mom.

Son: Mom! I led the cat far into the jungle. I even got lost!!

Mother: How were you able to come back home?

Son: I followed the cat.

Heaven’s lines

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said,

“I want the men to make two lines:

“ One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.”

“I want all the women to repo...

Say what you want about Epstein...

But he *always* obeyed the speed limits in school zones.

I was at the zoo the other day and saw a sign that said, "Do not feed the animals."

Naturally, I obeyed the sign. So they fired me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband and wife went to market....

Husband saw an action: "24-pack of beer for 20 €!", He quickly grabbed it and dropped it into shopping cart. Wife saw him and asked: "What are you doing?" He replies: "It's damn cheap, 24 beers for 20 €!" Wife rolled with eyes and angry said: "That's to expensive and worthless. Remove that!" Husband...

My girlfriend came home yesterday....

She told me to take off her shirt. I obeyed. Then she told me to take off her skirt, so I said "OK".
Then she told me to never wear her clothes again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Queen and a King exist peacefully.

The King needed to travel to a far away kingdom for business, leaving the Queen alone, he put 10 guards in charge of protecting her, and as a precaution, he slid a blade in the inside of her vagina, to make anyone that sleeps with her while his out regret it, after the long travel he comes back and ...

On your knees everyone!

After a seminar on 'Your words are powerful' I decided to test my power.

.
So I walked into a banking hall with my right hand in my bag and shouted, " On your knees everyone!"
.

Before I could blink, everybody had obeyed me. Some people even laid face down.
.

After a w...

Back when Canada was just becoming a nation...

the people were unsure of what to name their great northern nation. After many hours of heated dispute, they went to one of their wisest elders. Upon hearing their quandary, he said to them "bring me a bowl of chits of every letter."


Confused as to what the elder would possibly need the c...

The new king was an animal lover

The new king was an animal lover. So much so that he issued an edict that there would be no hunting of any animals while he was king. People had mixed feelings, but the king was so good to them that they obeyed his command. That is, until the kingdom was overrun with animals of all types...
The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff...

...they all die and go to Heaven. As they were approaching the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter comes out to greet them:
"My dear sisters, welcome to Heaven”, said the apostle. The nuns were thrilled to meet him, but he proceeded without delay: “Please form a line while I go back inside to get somethin...

Jake is driving in the desert...

And he's driving wildly. He's doing tons of doughnuts to pass the time. Suddenly, his car stops. Jake checks and realizes that he's out of gas. And nowhere near civilization. And without water.

Realizing he needs liquids for the trek ahead of him, so he searches his car for something. The onl...

Rabbi in a restaurant...

There once was a rabbi who had been a rabbi for many years and, all his life, he'd tried to be a good Jew. He obeyed the ten commandments, he read the Torah frequently and he kept kosher– but, secretly, he'd always wanted to try pork.


Everybody made so much fuss about pork and bacon and h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cannibals [NSFW]

Three shipmates are marooned on an island in the middle of the ocean. They explore the island, only to find that it is inhabited by a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals capture the three men and bring them before the chief. The men plead for their freedom, and the chief, seeing that they are desperat...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.