What do you call a one eyed horse?


Why did the one eyed headmaster close down his school....

Because he only had one pupil

One eyed guy goes fishing without any word or notice to his wife. Has a great trip, comes home sunburnt with a cooler full of fish fillets. Wife meets him at the door, screaming, "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU DIDN'T SEE ME FOR TWO DAYS?!". Guy answers without thinking, "That'd be freakin' GREAT!".

So the rest of that night, he doesn't see her. Next day, doesn't see her. Third day? He finally sees her.

She says "So, smart ass? How was that?"




He says, "Punch me again, it was better when I was all swollen and couldn't see you."

What’s the name of that one eyed pirate movies actor?

Eye Patchino

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Eyed Redhead.

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively...

A one eyed man

Had no money to buy a fancy prosthetic eye, so he carved one out of wood and painted it. Because of this he was shy, unable to talk to girls, and he felt very lonely. One day at work he was having lunch alone when he was joined by a woman with a cleft lip. Although she was shy at first, they finally...

There was a one eyed teacher at my school

He was fired for only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career

Why'd the one eyed man marry the shallow girl?

He lacked depth perception.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A man hires a one eyed hooker

And once they are alone he realizes he doesn't have a condom. So he asks if she's clean and she replies "nah my vag is riddled with herpes"
So the man asks "what about anal then?"
"Nah I got the piles real bad up there"
"What about a blow job then?"
"Herpes there too"

So the man ...

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye


What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes


My friend was recently blinded in an horrific skiing accident...

So please comment with your best cyclops/pirate/one eyed jokes so I can simultaneously cheer him up & take the p*ss

(This aint a joke)

A man decides to quit his job and run away to join a pirate crew

After spending a few hours at the dock, he sees a man who has a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch; the man is obviously a pirate captain. The man promptly joins the captains crew and they ship out to sea that very day.

Later that night, the man walks up to the captain and says “I’m sorr...

Original: An Atheistic sailor goes out for a drink...

An Atheistic sailor goes out for a drink in a new town when he spots a likely-looking place named "The One Eyed Man".

People have already lined up to get in. As he joins them, he notice that most of the men in the line are wearing eye patches. All of them in fact.

Just then, a flock of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little johnny loved to Masturbate.

He did it all the time, whenever he could. Then one day he was going to town on the one eyed snake. When suddenly his dad walks in his room. Little johnny quickly pulls up his pants, but its to late.

“Little johnny if you keep doing that you’ll go blind”

Little johnny responds “hey d...

Did you know Francis was not the first choice to become the new Pope?

Actually it was a lesser know man, Cardinal Herzenbacher.
He'd been a man of God from an early age, a pacifist all his life. When WWII broke out, he was conscripted and forced to fight, and so became a bomber pilot.
A few months into the war he was shot down but survived, miraculously only l...

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