UPJOKE

One Eyed Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Eyed Redhead.

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively...

What do you call a one eyed horse?

Cyclippity-clops

Why did the one eyed headmaster close down his school....

Because he only had one pupil

What’s the name of that one eyed pirate movies actor?

Eye Patchino

A one eyed man

Had no money to buy a fancy prosthetic eye, so he carved one out of wood and painted it. Because of this he was shy, unable to talk to girls, and he felt very lonely. One day at work he was having lunch alone when he was joined by a woman with a cleft lip. Although she was shy at first, they finally...

There was a one eyed teacher at my school

He was fired for only having one good pupil throughout his 6 year career

Why'd the one eyed man marry the shallow girl?

He lacked depth perception.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A man hires a one eyed hooker

And once they are alone he realizes he doesn't have a condom. So he asks if she's clean and she replies "nah my vag is riddled with herpes"
So the man asks "what about anal then?"
"Nah I got the piles real bad up there"
"What about a blow job then?"
"Herpes there too"

So the man ...

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye

Doyouthinkhesawus.

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes

Dontthinkhesawus.

One eyed guy goes fishing without any word or notice to his wife. Has a great trip, comes home sunburnt with a cooler full of fish fillets. Wife meets him at the door, screaming, "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU DIDN'T SEE ME FOR TWO DAYS?!". Guy answers without thinking, "That'd be freakin' GREAT!".

So the rest of that night, he doesn't see her. Next day, doesn't see her. Third day? He finally sees her.

She says "So, smart ass? How was that?"

.

.

.

He says, "Punch me again, it was better when I was all swollen and couldn't see you."

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