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Nudist Jokes

I recently joined a nudist colony

The first few days were the hardest.

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the teensiest bit of a woman, the hat would lift by itself."

A family goes to a nudist beach

The boy looks around and asks his dad: why do peoples privates go either up or down?
The dad replies: If it points upwards, they're rich, and if it points downwards, they're poor.

The father then goes to sleep, and after a while he wakes up again to find his wife gone. He asks his son wher...

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony

On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'

...

Nudist colony

Q- How can you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony?
A- It's not hard.

Q- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A- The one carrying a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q- Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A- The one who can eat the la...

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts

Two communists are sitting together at a nudist colony.

One turns to the other and asks “Have you read Marx?” The second replies “yes, it’s these damn wicker chairs!”

How do find the blind man at the nudist colony?

It's not hard.

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Husband and wife are sunbathing at a nudist beach... NSFW

When suddenly a wasp flies into the wife's vagina. She screams in terror, and frantically tells her husband what happened. He scoops her into his arms, throws her into the car and speeds to the hospital.

At the hospital the doctor tries a few different ways to remove the wasp with each one fa...

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What’s the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring?

One is nude in dye and the other died in new.

Did you hear about the girl in the nudist colony?

Nothing looked good on her.

A hole appeared in the wall around the local nudist colony.

Police are looking into it.

A dwarf was kicked out of a nudist colony

Apparently, he kept sticking his nose in everyones' business.

I went to a nudist restaurant once.

Food was good but I didn't like the dressing.

Last Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist."

I haven't worn it yet.

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What do you call a sunburnt nudist pissing in the snow?

Red Hot Chili Pecker

My friend asked me if I was ready to go to the nudist colony.

I was born ready.

A female nudist calls for a taxi

The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.


At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a naked girl before?



Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

Nudist Joke

What do you call a group of nudists around a fire?

.

A Weenie Roast

I bought some fancy pens at a nudist art shop.

Felt tips?

No, but I cupped some balls.

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

Edit:
completely possible my Dad heard it somewhere else, or perhaps it came to him originally like the many other examples posted. Gotta trust yo pops tho.

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A 60-year-old man goes to a nudist colony for a month. [NSFW]

He walks in and goes to the reception, hands in his clothes and the worker shows him his room.

Not long after there is a gorgeous woman at the door, and he immediately gets an erection.

The woman asks "are you calling for me".

The man says "no, no of course not".

The woma...

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[NSFW] What is the ornithologist with binoculars doing on the nudist beach?

Looking for Great Tits!

Recently I got invited to a nudist dinner party but I had to skip it

I had nothing to wear

I went to an all you can eat restaurant at a nudist colony in Canada

It was called In the Buffet

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An 75 year-old man arrives at a nudist resort.

After checking in, he is given the keys to his suite. As he goes to his new suite butt naked, he sees a gorgeous 20 year-old blonde heading his way, and immediately gets an erection.

"Did you call for me?" asks the blonde.

"What do you mean?" asks the man.

"We have rules here th...

Late one night, a nudist walks into a bar

And the bartender says, “Thorry, we’re clothed.”

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What's the most popular movie at a nudist colony?

Free Willy


I'm happy with thinking of this myself.

Social distancing at a nudist colony

Is directly influenced by the tempture.
Warm days, 6'3"
Cold days less

So a pickpocket went to a nudist beach...

He hated it

I think the local nudist colony just went out of business.

The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."

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Sitting in the sand at the nudist resort, I wondered,

What's all the fuss about anal beaching?

an elephant looked through the tall grass when he saw a nudist tribe

it gasped and said said “how do you breathe through those?”

I was at a nudist beach...

and I saw a man walking by wearing nothing but his glasses.

And I thought, "What does he do when his glasses get dirty?".

What's the best thing about a nudist wedding?

You can always tell who the best man is at a glance.

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Do you know where a nudist keeps their keys at the beach?

The same place they keep all of thier shit

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A nudist was certain he could scale that wall

His balls were on the fence, however.

I don't know about you guys but I would like a nudist as president,

He clearly has nothing to hide.

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What's the difference between a nudist and a BMW?

The nudist has the dick on the outside.

How do you find Ronald McDonald in the nudist camp?

He’s the one with sesame seeds on his buns.

I got an internship job at a nudist camp

I’m doing it for the exposure

There is a nudist convention happening in my town

I might go if I have nothing on.

Joey moves to a nudist colony

Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally ...

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A young couple were sunning themselves on a nudist beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman’s vagina.

The girl started screaming “Oh my God, help me, there’s a
wasp inside me!”

The boyfriend quickly covered her with his jacket, carried her to the car and raced to the hospital where he explained the situation.

After examining her, the doctor realized that the wasp was in too deep to ...

A friend of mine jointed a nudist camp last week

he said the first day was the hardest.

The young couple was holding hands in the nudist camp.

"When I tell you that I love you," he asked, "why do you always lower your eyes?"

"To see if it's true," she answered shyly.

What do you call a nudist beech in Alaska?

Frosted tips

I tried to buy an outfit for a nudist friend of mine

But at the end of the day, I concluded that NOTHING looked good on her.

My lazy neighbor is retiring and joining a nudist colony...

...he said he just wanted a place where he could hang out.

The nudist colony restaurant was so bad

Even the salad was undressed

A nudist woman walks into a bar

And tells the bartender "one beer please"
The bartender just looks at her from head to toes. "What? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" --
"Oh yeah many times"--
"Well, why do you keep staring at me then?"--
"I'm just wondering where you keep your money to pay for the beer"

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A woman walks into a Jamaican nudist bar

A woman vacationing in Jamaica walks into a nudist bar and approaches two guys. She notices that both the white guy and the Jamaican guy have W Y tattooed on their penises. She asks the white guy why he has W Y tattooed on his dick and he says “because when I’m erect it says Wendy my girlfriends n...

Sign at a nudist camp:

Sorry - Clothed for winter.

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A man was getting a tan on a nudist beach when a young girl walks towards him...

Because he found it indecent to be fully nude in front of the little girl, he covered his groin with his hat.
"What's underneath that hat?" the girl asked. "Nothing special, just a little birdy" the man replied.

The girl insisted on seeing the birdy, and the man told her no, so she walk...

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An old man checks out the local Nudist Colony to see if he wants to join

The clerk invites him to take a nude, self tour. He agrees and proceeds to go for his tour, completely naked, sporting only his cigar... not five minutes into his stroll he sees a beautifully shaped young lady in the buff which aroused him quickly... the young lady, noticing his erection decides to...

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