How do you spot a blind man at a nudist camp?

It's not hard.

A family goes to a nudist beach

The boy looks around and asks his dad: why do peoples privates go either up or down?
The dad replies: If it points upwards, they're rich, and if it points downwards, they're poor.

The father then goes to sleep, and after a while he wakes up again to find his wife gone. He asks his son wher...

Did you hear about the nudist who violated the colony rules?

They were caught with their pants up.

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What's the most popular movie at a nudist colony?

Free Willy


I'm happy with thinking of this myself.

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.

An old man decides to look into a Nudist Colony

He is invited to try the one week trial period so he does.

On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, walks over to him and asks, "did you ...

an elephant looked through the tall grass when he saw a nudist tribe

it gasped and said said “how do you breathe through those?”

How do nudists clean their glasses?

Very genitally.

How do you find Ronald McDonald in the nudist camp?

He’s the one with sesame seeds on his buns.

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[NSFW] What is the ornithologist with binoculars doing on the nudist beach?

Looking for Great Tits!

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A dad and his daughter went to a nudist beach

Once there the daughter is surprised when she sees his dick and asks "Daddy, what's that?"
A bit taken back by the question he answers, "oh, that's just a swan nesting on it's two eggs".

Happy with that explanation the kid starts playing at the beach while the father lays in the sun.
...

Two nudist philosophers are sitting by the pool and one says, "Have you read Marx?

The other replies, "Yes, I believe it's from the cane chairs."

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What’s the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring?

One is nude in dye and the other died in new.

Nudists must be careful around Team Rocket...

... because they're always trying to get a Pikachu.

Recently I got invited to a nudist dinner party but I had to skip it

I had nothing to wear

I recently joined a nudist colony..

The first week was the hardest

I think the local nudist colony just went out of business.

The sign on their gate says:
"Clothed Until Further Notice."

Who is the moat popular guy in a nudist colony?

The one who can hold 12 doughnuts without any hands.

Who is the most popular woman?

The one who can eat the last doughnut

So a pickpocket went to a nudist beach...

He hated it

What's the best thing about a nudist wedding?

You can always tell who the best man is at a glance.

I was at a nudist beach...

and I saw a man walking by wearing nothing but his glasses.

And I thought, "What does he do when his glasses get dirty?".

Social distancing at a nudist colony

Is directly influenced by the tempture.
Warm days, 6'3"
Cold days less

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A nudist was certain he could scale that wall

His balls were on the fence, however.

A good case for shoes

What's the difference between a linen store, and a nudist with diarrhea?
One has fitted sheets...

I went to an all you can eat restaurant at a nudist colony in Canada

It was called In the Buffet

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Sitting in the sand at the nudist resort, I wondered,

What's all the fuss about anal beaching?

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Do you know where a nudist keeps their keys at the beach?

The same place they keep all of thier shit

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his crotch

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the teensiest bit of a woman, the hat would lift by itself."

For Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist."

I haven't worn it yet.

Why did the dwarf get kicked out of the nudist colony?

He kept sticking his nose in everyone’s business

I read recently that someone drilled a hole into a fence at a nudist colony...

the police are looking into it

What do nudists pack for vacation?

Just the bare necessities.

The young couple was holding hands in the nudist camp.

"When I tell you that I love you," he asked, "why do you always lower your eyes?"

"To see if it's true," she answered shyly.

Why don’t nudists accept payment?

Because they’re only in it for exposure.

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Husband and wife are sunbathing at a nudist beach... NSFW

When suddenly a wasp flies into the wife's vagina. She screams in terror, and frantically tells her husband what happened. He scoops her into his arms, throws her into the car and speeds to the hospital.

At the hospital the doctor tries a few different ways to remove the wasp with each one fa...

I tried to buy an outfit for a nudist friend of mine

But at the end of the day, I concluded that NOTHING looked good on her.

My lazy neighbor is retiring and joining a nudist colony...

...he said he just wanted a place where he could hang out.

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An old man checks out the local Nudist Colony to see if he wants to join

The clerk invites him to take a nude, self tour. He agrees and proceeds to go for his tour, completely naked, sporting only his cigar... not five minutes into his stroll he sees a beautifully shaped young lady in the buff which aroused him quickly... the young lady, noticing his erection decides to...

I got an internship job at a nudist camp

I’m doing it for the exposure

A man moves into a nudist colony.

He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a
picture to his gr...

I used to know a girl from a nudist colony

Man, I tell you, nothing looked good on her!

A female nudist calls for a taxi

The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.


At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a naked girl before?



Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

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A 60-year-old man goes to a nudist colony for a month. [NSFW]

He walks in and goes to the reception, hands in his clothes and the worker shows him his room.

Not long after there is a gorgeous woman at the door, and he immediately gets an erection.

The woman asks "are you calling for me".

The man says "no, no of course not".

The woma...

Just heard there's a nudists convention next week.

I might go if I've got nothing on.

I have been banned from attending the local nudist beach.

Apparently I was inappropriately dressed.

What do you call a nudist beech in Alaska?

Frosted tips

My friend asked me if I was ready to go to the nudist colony.

I was born ready.

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A woman walks into a Jamaican nudist bar

A woman vacationing in Jamaica walks into a nudist bar and approaches two guys. She notices that both the white guy and the Jamaican guy have W Y tattooed on their penises. She asks the white guy why he has W Y tattooed on his dick and he says “because when I’m erect it says Wendy my girlfriends n...

The nudist colony restaurant was so bad

Even the salad was undressed

A young girl wanders into a section of beach designated for nudists only...

A man sees the young girl approaching him and quickly covers up his privates with a small towel. She asks the man what’s under his towel and he says that it’s his little birdie. She asks if she can play with his little bird but the man insists that it is sleeping. The girl keeps pleading with the ma...

I am thinking about hosting an invitation only nudist party...

It's going to be a private gathering...

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A man was getting a tan on a nudist beach when a young girl walks towards him...

Because he found it indecent to be fully nude in front of the little girl, he covered his groin with his hat.
"What's underneath that hat?" the girl asked. "Nothing special, just a little birdy" the man replied.

The girl insisted on seeing the birdy, and the man told her no, so she walk...

A nudist woman walks into a bar

And tells the bartender "one beer please"
The bartender just looks at her from head to toes. "What? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" --
"Oh yeah many times"--
"Well, why do you keep staring at me then?"--
"I'm just wondering where you keep your money to pay for the beer"

I had an idea for a joke concerning an archeologist and a nudist,

But, no matter how deep I dig, the punchline seems bare

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A young couple were sunning themselves on a nudist beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman’s vagina.

The girl started screaming “Oh my God, help me, there’s a
wasp inside me!”

The boyfriend quickly covered her with his jacket, carried her to the car and raced to the hospital where he explained the situation.

After examining her, the doctor realized that the wasp was in too deep to ...

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An elderly couple goes to a nudist beach

The wife is laying out tanning when a bee suddenly flies into her snatch. Utterly distraught, the husband and wife decide to go to the doctor for assistance.

The doctor tells the couple all they have to do is put some honey on the husband's penis and stick it into his wife, coaxing the bee o...

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

Edit:
completely possible my Dad heard it somewhere else, or perhaps it came to him originally like the many other examples posted. Gotta trust yo pops tho.

How do you stump two nudists who are dating?

Ask them who wears the pants in their relationship.

Sign at a nudist camp:

Sorry - Clothed for winter.

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