Red meat is not bad for you.

Fuzzy red meat is.

Today is a good day, not great, not bad, you know, just good.

I rate this day 5/7

This lockdown is not bad as it seemed

Today I had a great chat with a web designer.

Can you guys believe, the guy lived in my attic the whole time!

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My girlfriend said it's not bad to have a small penis.

I still think I'd be happier if she didn't have one at all.

Which American state is not great, but not bad either?

OK.

What do you call not bad, not good brown beef?

Meaty-ochre

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Group of guys at the pub. One says, "My missus is charging me $50 a time for sex"

The other guys look at each other and say, "That's not bad mate, she charges us $100."

Three vampires are gathering in the middle of the night to compare their strength...

Says the first : See that woman over there? Wait... <wooshes away and comes back after 20 seconds, the mouth still dripping of fresh blood>. See - it only took me 20 seconds to completely empty that body!

Says the second : Not bad, but uh... see that village over there? Wait... <woos...

That’s a smart dog

Two farmers are in town talking about how smart their dogs are:
1st farmer yells out: “Dog! Get me the paper”
His dog races off down the street to the local news agency, gets the daily paper drops it in his owners hand and sits down.
“Not bad” says the 2nd farmer.
“Bluey, I’m hungry” he...

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Norm MacDonald dies and finds himself standing in front of Satan.

"Oh no!!", he says, "Am I in Hell?"

"Yes," replies Satan, "but it's not as bad as you think. I'll show you the joint."

Norm looks around, notices that they are standing in a lush green field, with bountiful fruit trees, and fluffy clouds in an azure sky.

Satan says, "Not bad ri...

Stuttering Sam the S-S-S-Salesman

Three guys, Adam, Barry and Sam, got hired by Mike the Manager to sell bibles door-to-door. First day of work, they had a quick meeting with Mike and they were each given a separate area of the city that they were to try to sell their bibles. They were to go out, use their best judgment as to the lo...

One woman and four men had a plane accident and they landed on a deserted island

They all manage to survive and build their shelter. But slowly having four men for one woman becomes a problem. The men decide to solve the problem by not fighting but talkind and they decide that the woman should spend a week with each of them one by one. So they went to the woman and told the plan...

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A bartender starts his shift as usual

and things are going smoothly. He shoots the shit with the regulars, knocking a few back as was his wont. A little later into the night a man walks in and orders a drink. After he gets the drink he sits and starts to talk to his hand. The bartender is confused for sure, he seemed normal enough when ...

A man dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him and says, "Welcome to hell, Dave. First, the Wi-fi password is..."

Dave says, "Wait, you guys have wi-fi?"

Satan replies, "Of course we do."

"That's certainly not bad at all" says Dave.

Satan continues, "So, as I was saying, the wi-fi password is the numb...

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Ralf

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back! Ple...

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Professor X ask a girl, "so, what's your mutant power"?

Girl: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a celing fan off on the first try!"

Professor X: "oh really?"

Girl \[points up\]: " 2 pulls"

Professor X: \[stands up and pulls twice\] "not bad kid, but not a power".

Girl: "Im kidding, i can heal paraplegics"

Professor x:...

A woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, "Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?" Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?"

The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin."

"Not bad doc!" she says. "Not bad at all!...

There once was a bee

He was a very charming and funny bee. But when he saw this beeutiful girl bee, he changed. He got shy when ever she was a around. He couldn’t look her in the eye, or even buzz a few words to her beefore feeling sick. Eventually, he realized that it wasn’t meant to bee, so he gave up on her. He retur...

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3 men die and go to Heaven

3 men die and go to Heaven. St Peter meets them and starts reviewing their files.

He starts talking to the first guy: “I see that you lived a good life, but you cheated on your wife 30 times. That’s not very good, but not bad enough to send you to hell. So you can stay in heaven, but you’ll h...

"When drums stop...very bad."

An English explorer was trekking through a remote jungle with a local wise man he had hired as a guide. Two days into their journey, far from civilization, they began to hear the faint, slow beating of drums in the distance.

*Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.*

The Englishman said to the wise man, “I...

A man's wife is close to giving birth but he has to go away on business.

He asks his brother to look after his wife. A couple days into the trip and his brother calls from the hospital.

"I have good news and bad news. Good news is you have perfectly healthy twins! A boy and a girl! The bad news is they had to put your wife under for the birth. She's fine, but the...

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A man walks into a bar...

He orders a fuzzy navel.

Bartender: "We don't have those right now, but I can give you the next best thing: a hairy bellybutton"

The man orders it, drinks it, and says "not bad. How about sex on the beach?"

Bartender: "We don't have those right now, but I can give you the next ...

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Three Jews are in a Nazi concentration camp

The Nazi officer approaches the first Jew and asks him, "How high can you jump?"

"One metre" he replies.

"Not bad", says the Nazi officer and gives him some bread and water.

He then asks the second Jew the same question. The second Jew says he can jump two metres high.

"V...

Doctor Doolittle spies an unfamiliar crocodilian on a South American riverbank.

He calls out "I say! Are you a cayman?"

"Not bad, how 'bout you?" answers the croc.

A young boy decides he would like more pocket money

so he comes up with a plan of helping people carry their groceries to the car for a small service fee.

He goes to the closest supermarket and asks every person that comes out if they would need help. Some people agree and give him his money, some people say they don't need help.

A lit...

The Olympics of who has more children.

A battle between an American, a Brit, and a Filipino.

It's a competition of who has the most number of children the story of how the Filipino beat the American and a Brit.


It's the Olympics and a lot of audience gathered in a dome, a massive 80,000-seater oval dome. All seats are...

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What will you say?

A man is selling a colorful parrot and a beautiful woman comes and says "how much for the parrot?"
100$ he kinda speaks, says the man
The lady goes "can't it be a little cheaper?"
As they're negotiating the parrot looks at her and goes "owner, look at this girl! She's a damn prostitute! She...

Dab ton.

It's admittedly not the best joke, but it's not bad if you read it backwards.

3 Kids are arguing about who's dad is the fastest...

At lunch, the first boy says his dad is the faster because he is a brick layer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits...


Not bad says the 2nd boy, but my dad is faster.


He is a professional archer. ...

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35 years and dozens of eggs

A woman on her deathbed calls her husband into her room and instructs him to look under the bed and open the wooden box that is there. In it, he sees 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash. Puzzled, he asks his wife what the eggs are for.

"Oh, those", she replies, "Every time we had bad sex, I put an egg ...

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Guy walks into the bar and asks for a double shot of tequila. Bartender pours it and immediately the guy drinks. Guy then immediately asks for another double, bartender pours it and guy drinks immediately. The bartender in shock that he drank the shots so quickly asks"whoa, what are you celebrating?

Guy " I just experienced my first blowjob"

Bartender "Congrats, this ones on me bud"

Guy drinks it "Thank you"

Bartender " so how was it?"

Guy " Not bad, but I'm still trying to get the taste out my mouth"

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The golfer and the wee little man

A guy stands on the first tee on a beautiful Irish morning. It's a little par three but he still manages to slice it into the bush. Then he hears it hit something followed by a moan. Rushing into the woods he finds a wee little man dressed in green sprawled on the grass. He splashes water on the ...

There were 3 crews that worked for a telephone pole company. A German crew, a Norwegian crew, and a Swedish crew.

The foreman told each crew to put in telephone poles for the day and left. At 5:00 PM he came back and asked each crew how many poles they put in.

The German crew tells him they put in 9 poles today.
"Good job, head on home" the foreman tells them.

The Norwegian crew tells him they ...

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A teacher asks her students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

First she calls on Sussy. "My dad and I went to the movies and we were fascinated!" Sussy says.
"Well that's pretty good, but I wanted you to use fascinate not fascinated."

So she calls on Mary next. "My family went to the zoo, and it was fascinating!" Mary says.
"That's not bad either,...

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