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Norse God Jokes

4 Norse god, 1 Roman god, and 2 astronomical bodies walk into a bar

The bartender says " Oh, this is a gonna be a week joke"

You heard what the Norse God of Thunder said to the girl after the orgy?

He said, “Hi, I’m Thor.”

She replied, “You’re thor? I’m tho thor I could hardly pith.”

NORSE GOD OF THUNDER: "I'm Thor!"

NORSE HORSE WITH A LISP: "That'th becauthe you forgot your thaddle, thilly."

NORSE GOD OF THUNDER: "Oh you."

Did you hear about the Norse god who couldn't stop losing hair?

His name was Balder

Puns about Norse gods...

are Loki the best.

What do you call a Norse god who doesn't draw much attention to themselves?

Low Key.......!

What do you get when you play "Just the Tip" with a Norse God?

Thorskin

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

What math do Norse gods use?

Frigganometry.

What do you call a Norse god that’s really reserved?

Loki

I hate when my friends always talk about Norse gods

Like bro it's Loki annoying

How does the Norse God of mischief like to celebrate his birthday?

He likes to keep it low-key

What do you call the coming of age tale for a Norse God?

A Thor-igin story.

Also what I think Taika would've named the first movie if he had done it.

The Norse gods are sleeping off an orgy...

The God of Thunder turns to the young woman next to him and says, “I am Thor!”

The gal looks up through sleepy eyes and replies, “You think you’re Thor! I’m tho Thor I can barely pith!

(Kinda an aural joke. If you could say it out loud it might work better.)

Why did Loki, Norse God of Trickery and Mischief, turn into a train?

I asked around and, well, no one really understands his Loki-motives.

What did they call Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books?

Author

Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...

And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!

I saw a Norse god discreetly playing 49Hz notes on a piano in space...

I thought to myself: "What a low G low G low key low key Loki."

What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet?

DownlOdin.

What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet illegally?

Thorrenting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever have sex with a girl only to realize they're completely insane?

For example, last week I hooked up with this cute red-head . She was smart, sexy, bit of a lisp. Everything seemed normal, but the second we got finished she started going on about how she was the Norse god of thunder.

My friend Steve was looking to rent a house.

Steve's wealthy, so he had two realtors competing to lease him their latest properties. The first realtor opened his pitch bragging about the laundry list of folks who had rented property from him.
"I've rented out properties to Buddha himself, to four Norse gods, even Christ and a few of his dis...

In olden days,

when the gods were wont to take on human form and tarry with mortals, the Norse god of thunder, he of the hammer Mjölnir, espied a comely young Norsewoman and betook him to her bed. Being a god, he was able to "bring her to Valhalla" seven times over the course of the evening.

In the morning,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Graham and Donna met on Tinder.

Donna was a pretty woman with a lisp. Graham was actually the famous porn star Thor the Thunderbolt, so named because his mighty weapon was as long and as thick as the Norse god’s hammer.

Nature took its course, and the pair had a wonderful night of bliss. In the morning, Graham felt remors...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bartender

A traveler walks into a bar, asks for the local brew, and the bartender's name.
Bartender says "you must be new here..." And takes out a perfectly pristine glass, sounds it around his hand, and pours a perfect pint. He says "that... Is the perfect pint of beer. I've been pouring the perfect pint ...

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