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Passerby Jokes

What happened?

A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, “What happened?”

The man rubbed the back of his head and said, “I don’t know! Last thing I remember, my wife was comin...

A woman locked her car key in her car, so she asked a passerby for help. The passerby took off his pants, rolled it into a ball and rubbed it on the car door. The car door springs open. Amazed, the woman asked the passerby how did he do it, to which he replied:

"It's simple, these are khaki pants"

A man is walking his disabled dog that has a wheelchair for her front legs. It starts barking at a passerby that looks scared of the dog. The man assures the passerby that it's okay...

She's armless.

Mansa Musa, the richest man ever to live, was riding through Egypt with his giant retinue. As a show of generosity, he gave gold (of which he had much) to random passerby. One such person was a Frenchman named Ed.

Ed dit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

A passerby walks past a sewer manhole and sees an old man inside, waist deep, going through the sewage...

He asks... “ What are you doing down there??.?”

Old man replies:” Looking for my denture... I accidentally dropped it into the toilet and flushed it down the drain....”

Passer: “Surely you don’t expect to find it?!”

Old man:” Of course I do, already found three, but none of them...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American spy goes to russia...

In Soviet Russia, an American spy tries to blend in...

George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia's customs and social graces. He memorized Moscow streetmaps and knew every back-alley there was. He swo...

Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii".

They ask a passerby, who answers "HaVaii".

"Thank you", says the satisfied first man.

"You're velcome", replies the passerby.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is standing with a Shiba Inu with a sign that says "Amazing Mathematical Dog!"

Skeptical, a passerby asks, "What makes your dog so mathematical?"

"Just watch this!" replies the man smugly. "Koro, what's three minus two?"

"Wan!" barks the dog, as all Japanese dogs do.

"What's four plus seven?"

"Wan wan!" barks the dog.

"See? One one! Eleven! K...

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pan-handler in front of a casino

A bum was in front of a casino, hand out, asking for spare change to get a bite to eat. A passerby felt pity for him and gave him $5.00.

"Get yourself a good meal," he told the bum. "But I don't want to see you going into the casino and gambling that money away!"

At that, the bum shook...

Great Mystery

Newsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?"

Passerby : "Here boy, I'll take one" (After reading a moment) "Say, boy, there's nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"

Newsboy : "That's the mystery, sir. You're the fifty first victim".

A boy was riding his toy firetruck down the street

A passerby saw that the firetruck was being pulled by a dog. The rope used to pull it was tied around the dogs privates, and as a result the boy was being pulled along rather slowly.
The passerby suggested that perhaps the boy would be able to go faster if he tied the rope around the dogs neck....

A fellow from the Midwest has to spend Christmas in the deep South.

He's there on business, and he misses the snow. He tries to cheer himself up by walking around looking at a Christmas crèche ( a tableau representing the Nativity scene ). He's shocked to see that the three wise men are dressed as firemen, in hats and boots and slickers. He asks a passerby why in th...

A passer by asked a tree surgeon how many trees he has cut down...

Surgeon: Exactly 178,794

Passerby: Wow, how do you know that?

Surgeon: I keep a log

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s two guys

running down the road "Help! Help! a lions escaped" A passerby said "Which way did it go?" One of the fellas says "you stupid cunt, you don't think we're fuckin chasing it do ya?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 93 year old man is sat on the kerb crying.

A passerby stops and asks, “What’s the matter?”

The old man looks up and cries, “I’m 93, married to a gorgeous 21year old who wants fucking before breakfast, lunch and tea, and then twice again at night!”

The passerby laughs, “What’s the problem then?”

The old guy replies “I ca...

East Texas Roadside Safety

There was this-here feller from East Texas who had a flat tire. He pulled off on the side of the road, jumped out of his car, walked down the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers. He proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car ...

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A lawyer is walking down the stairs of his law firm.

This guy is dressed in an expensive suit, he's wearing shoes made from an extinct reptile and orphan tears, and He's walking to his brand new Lamborghini. Just as he opens the driver side door a truck comes speeding through and tears the door from its hinges. The lawyer visibly shocked and pissed ye...

A car broke down on a Native Reservation...

...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he wave...

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An American spy is sent into the Soviet Union

His name is John Smith and he has been training for this moment the last five years. He has perfectly mastered the Russian language and accent, can sing the Soviet anthem from memory and knows everything about Russian history.

In 1971, sixth of October, 3 AM local time he parachutes to the ou...

These two drunks are arguing if the thing in the sky is the sun or the moon.

They can’t figure it out so they ask a passerby.

“Hey man we’re having an argument. Is the thing in the sky the sun or the moon?”

“I dunno man I ain’t from this neighborhood.”

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A blind man was walking down the street

A blind man was walking down the street with his dog.
They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic.

The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the do...

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As a drunk man is walking home from the bar

He gets sick, leans against a wall and pukes. Some of it gets on his shirt and now the man worries that his wife will know he was a drunk mess tonight. But then he gets a bright idea and puts $20 in his shirt pocket. When he arrives home his wife looks at him and says, "look at you! did you puke on ...

A piece of string was walking down the street…

It was hot and he saw a bar. He walked into the bar and asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender looked at him and said, I do not serve string in here. The piece of string left dejected.

The next day the same piece of string on the same street with the same sort of hot sunny day was st...

A police officer is chasing a hacker

He loses track of him in the streets and asks a passerby:

-Where is he,where is the hacker!?

-I don't know,he ransomware.

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Frenchman in Morocco

A Frenchman seeking some thrills travels to Morocco and decides to go bungee jumping off the top of mosques. As he bounces back into the air, all of the passerby in Morocco are in awe and one Moroccan passerby decides that he wants to try it himself.

He finds the Frenchman at a nearby cafe a...

A little boy asks a middle-aged gentleman for the time

The gentleman looks at his watch and says, "It's ten minutes to three." The boy says, "Well, at 3:00, you can kiss my ass!" He sprints off, cackling maniacally, as the gentleman starts chasing him angrily.

They round a corner and the gentleman almost knocks over a passerby. After the gen...

A man is new in town

A man is new in town and asks the next passerby for directions:
"Excuse me, could you please tell me where the church is?"
"Yeah, it's on 3rd street."
"What, right next to the brothel?"
"What? No! The brothel is on 17th street."
"Oh, I see. Thank you very much!"

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam...

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Standing column.

Suddenly someone knocks on the side window. He lets down the window and asks: "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped President Trump. They are demanding a ransom of $ 100 million or they will pour...

This just in...

I nearly fell off a cliff while hiking the other day, but a passerby grabbed my arm, rescuing me before I fell.
His name was Justin. Justin Tyme.

A British Gentleman visits India..

He landed in the state of West Bengal, the former seat of the East Indian Company.

Dressed in classic gentlemanly fashion he decided to start the tour by visiting the famed Victoria Memorium Hall. Taken aback by the marvellous architecture, he stopped the nearest passerby and asked, "Who mad...

A bloke with one leg is at an ATM

A passerby stops and asks, do you need help mate?

the bloke replies: "Nahh mate cheers jus' checkin me balance"

There was once a very lazy man

This man was so lazy eventually his father has enough. He put him in a sack and dragged him down to the river and was about to throw him in when a passerby noticed. "What're you doing with this man?" He asked. "He's very lazy he doesn't do anything I've had it with taking care of him and feeding him...

A cube walks into a bar...

A cube walks into a bar and comes out as a sphere. A passerby saw and asked them what happened. The sphere replied “oh I just had a drink to take the edge off”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fresh batch of military recruits come in and meets the drill sergeant

The sergeant looks at the men and says "I'll your all a bunch of yellow bellied pansies! Are ya!"

They all respond "Sir, no sir!"

"Really?" He responds and points to the end of the table they're standing next to.

At the end of the table, a giant alligator sits in a cage hissing ...

An man with no arms walks into a bell tower...

...to apply for a job as the bell-ringer. He finds the proprietor and asks for a job. The proprietor says, "Well, sir, I don't think we'll be able to hire you. You have no arms with which to ring the bell." The man replies , "Sir, please. My father was a bell-ringer, my grandfather was a bell-ringer...

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A man was sat hunched behind a gravestone with his head in his hands...

...A passerby greeted him "Morning",

The man replied, "Nah, having a shit".

A man walks into an art museum...

...saunters past a guard and rips a painting off the wall with his bare hands. The guards attempt to stop him as he runs out of the museum, but he is too quick and acrobatic and evades all of their efforts. Just out the museum doors, he hops into the back of a white van that begins speeding away wit...

An art student showing off their fanart at a Comicon...

An art student showing off their fanart at a Comicon is discussing their work with a customer, and comments: "I know I overuse red and blue, but I can't help it, it's my favorite color pair!"
A passerby asks: "Oh, is it?", and is then brutally executed by the surrounding nerds.

Two farmers meet at their fence line.

They start arguing about who is the better farmer as they compare crops. They wave down a passerby and ask, "sir, who do you think is a better farmer?" They looks at them and says, "It's hard to say, you're both outstanding in your fields."

"Shoo ... shoo"

An Irish man is standing in the street, irractically waving his arms in the air shouting "shoo ...shoo".

A puzzled passerby asks him, "What are you doing, Paddy?"

"It keeps the dragons away", he replies.

"There are no dragons, Paddy".

"You're welcome!"

A Russian arrives in New York City...

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistake...

Intended Grandchild!

A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it.

An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so lo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind guy is out for a walk

with his seeing eye dog. He's stopped at a light waiting for it to change. His dog gets an attack and relieves himself.

The light changes and the dog leads the owner across the street.

A passerby says "Hey buddy, your dog made a mess at the corner. Go take care of it"

Blin...

A man is getting into his Porsche...

...Hand on the handle, when a motorcycle comes flying down the road. He jumps out of the way and the motorcycle crashes into the open door, tearing it off the vehicle along with the man’s hand which was still grasping the handle.

The guy screams: “OMG, my Porsche, it’s ruined!”

A pas...

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A farmer tries to liven up his sleepy town

Thinking himself a funny guy, he decides to put a joke of the day on the fence post next to his vegetable stand by the side of the road. Not long after, a man with a shit-eating-grin on his face comes walking up the driveway towards the farmer's house. Knocking on the door, the passerby says to the...

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Old Soviet Jew joke

A Jew is walking down a street when, suddenly, a brick flies from the roof of a nearby building and hits him on the head, instantly killing the poor guy.


A passerby sees this and swears, "Fuck, so many goddamn Jews around these days, there isn't even a spot left for a brick to land!"

A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery....

Several carloads of family members pulled followed in a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.

A passerby remarked, "That guy must have been an avid fisherman".

"Oh, he still is." replied a mourner. "He's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife."

A Small Collection of US State Jokes

**Georgia**

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,0...

City workers

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers digging holes along the sidewalks.

The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn’t figure out what they were doing.

Finally, he approached the workers and asked, “I appreciate how hard you’re both working, but what the heck are...

A blonde was driving along in the countryside

just enjoying the views and the rolling hills, when suddenly she happened upon another blonde sitting in a boat in the middle of the field, pulling the oars like her life depended.

Our hero slammed the brakes and exited her car, storming towards the boat and the still-rowing fair-haired woman...

Two workers and a managerial looking guy are walking down a park path with a shovel.

Two workers and a managerial looking guy are walking down a park path with a shovel. Every 20 feet they stop, one worker digs a small hole in the ground, and the other one fills it back up, while the managerial dude watches on with a pencil and clipboard in hand.


A bored passerby watche...

A collection of jokes from Ancient Rome

Jokes of the Ancient Romans



Some provincial man has come to Rome, and while walking on the streets he was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks: "Tell me, young man, did you...

Man with a mission

A guy is standing next to an open manhole cover. While smiling and giggling he points down towards the manhole and keeps repeating Twenty six... Twenty six.. Continuosly.

Curiosity got the better of one drunk passerby who was slightly amused by this behaviour. He moves closer to the dude sta...

Everybody was running out of the Old West town...

The Eastern dude watched in amazement as he walked to his saloon to open up for the day. He stopped a passerby to ask what was going on.

"Ain'tcha heard? Big Bad Bob's a-comin' He'll turn this town upside down and I don't wanna be here when that happens!"

The dude can't quit...

I heard we’re telling bad jokes, so here’s mine.

Long ago there lived a Cheerio in a small village beneath a giant mountain, which had a small town of its own on top.

This famous town was known for one thing, in this town, if you wait in line, you can receive anything that you want, but to reach it, you must climb the difficult mountain al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

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Opporknockity, and a short collection of other terrible music jokes

Mr. Opporknockity is a superb piano tuner. He has spent more than 30 years honing his craft and has made quite a reputation for himself.

He got a call from a guy who had just bought a new grand piano and requested Mr. Opporknockity to come and tune it. Mr. Opporknockity spent more than 3 hour...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Black Knight is coming (NSFW)

One day, a minstrel was passing through the forest when he came upon a small inn. The minstrel was thrilled at the opportunity to get a clean bed, some hot food, and most importantly one of the inn's famous forest beers, which were legendary.

Later in the evening, the minstrel was about to g...

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