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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The barten...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do mosquitoes and my job have in common?

They both suck and annoy the ever living piss out of me.

What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?

They both share your blood

I didn't want to hurt myself, but it was a particularly gloomy rainy day. I wasn't in the best of mood lately. My hands were full of blood now, and yet I still had this itching urge to hurt, to kill...

those damned mosquitoes.

What do lawyers and mosquitoes have in common?

They're both blood sucking parasites.

Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.

EDIT: sorry, type-O

Did you know avarage person eats 8 mosquitoes

Whenever i cook for them.

Two mosquitoes go on a date.

The gentleman opens the door to the restaurant for the lady, and goes, “M’laria.”

How many mosquitoes did Noah kill on the ark?


I don't understand people who lives near swamp yet complains about the mosquitoes.

They're not bugs, they are the feature.


What sound does an American mosquito make?

What sound does a Canadian mosquito make?

Mosquitoes are like family...

They might be a pain the ass, but they carry our blood.

If only mosquito nets were handed out in Africa.

Each year we could save millions of mosquitoes dying needlessly of AIDS

Last night i opened my window and let all mosquitoes in. Then i slept outside.

This is called confusing the enemy



TIL Bill Gates once released a swarm of mosquitoes at a TED talk about malaria, saying that it shouldn’t be an experience only for poor people...

I can't wait to go see his new talk about gun violence.

How do Italian mosquitoes introduce themselves?

It's a me, Malario!

Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?

because they dont have mosquiTOES.

Did you hear that joke about mosquitoes?

it's malarious.

What do you get when you perform a bad vocal solo to a crowd of mosquitoes?



Mommy mosquito: How was your first day of flying?

Baby mosquito: It was great everybody was clapping for me!

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. But the real question is "How do they get inside?"

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Little Johnny's Opinion of Mosquitoes...

Little Johnny is standing on a street corner swatting mosquitoes.
Every time he sees a mosquito he utters, "fucking mosquitoes, fucking mosquitoes."
Just as the boy says it, a shocked priest walks up and says, "You should not curse the mosquitoes because every one of God's creations has a purp...

What do you call a crazy guy in a room full of mosquitoes?

A bit neurotic.

Yesterday 8 mosquitoes bit me!

I guess I now have a mosquito bite

Who you gonna call when attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes?

The Swat Team

Why does everyone hate mosquitoes?

I'm happy something out there is attracted to me.

Those DANG mosquitoes!!!

After several unpleasant experiences, one night, in total darkness, Gramps opened the cabin door and said, "you see, children?" "Pesky mosquitoes are attracted to light! Now, we're safe."
BUT soon as they entered the cabin and the door was shut, Jason noticed a handful of tiny blinking lights (...

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

I was walking along and I saw a guy fall into a nest of mosquitoes... was malarious!

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