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Mosquitoes Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but it's really hard getting them in there.

Spouses are like mosquitoes

We don’t really mind them if we don’t have to listen to them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do mosquitoes and my job have in common?

They both suck and annoy the ever living piss out of me.

Mosquitoes

Suck

Mosquitoes

What sound does an American mosquito make?
BzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

What sound does a Canadian mosquito make?
EhHhHhHhHhHhHhHhHh

What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?

They both share your blood

Two mosquitoes go on a date.

The gentleman opens the door to the restaurant for the lady, and goes, “M’laria.”

What do lawyers and mosquitoes have in common?

They're both blood sucking parasites.

Mosquitoes are like family...

They might be a pain the ass, but they carry our blood.

Did you know avarage person eats 8 mosquitoes

Whenever i cook for them.

Two Mosquitoes go to a Liquor Store.

One buys O- Blood, and one buys AB- Blood.

Mosquito 1: “You must have really good taste.”

Mosquito 2: “And you’re just whippin’ by for a drink?”

Mosquito 1: “Nah, this kind’s just really easy to get ‘round here.”

Those DANG mosquitoes!!!

After several unpleasant experiences, one night, in total darkness, Gramps opened the cabin door and said, "you see, children?" "Pesky mosquitoes are attracted to light! Now, we're safe."
BUT soon as they entered the cabin and the door was shut, Jason noticed a handful of tiny blinking lights (...

Did you hear that joke about mosquitoes?

it's malarious.

Why does everyone hate mosquitoes?

I'm happy something out there is attracted to me.

I don't understand people who lives near swamp yet complains about the mosquitoes.

They're not bugs, they are the feature.

Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?

because they dont have mosquiTOES.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's Opinion of Mosquitoes...

Little Johnny is standing on a street corner swatting mosquitoes.
Every time he sees a mosquito he utters, "fucking mosquitoes, fucking mosquitoes."
Just as the boy says it, a shocked priest walks up and says, "You should not curse the mosquitoes because every one of God's creations has a purp...

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. But the real question is "How do they get inside?"

Last night i opened my window and let all mosquitoes in. Then i slept outside.

This is called confusing the enemy

What do mosquitoes think of people who wear bug spray?

They are just OFF-full

Who you gonna call when attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes?

The Swat Team

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