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Moonshine Jokes

I just broke up with my moonshiner girfriend

But I love her still

Never date a moonshiners daughter...

She only wants to make you liquor

She was only a lowly moonshine maker...

But he loved her still.

Choking Lady

Two hillbillies walked into a local restaurant as they had decided to stop by for a bite to eat. While they dined, they talked about their moonshine operation.

All of a sudden, one woman sitting next to them (she had been eating a sandwich just right across their table) begun to cough. After ...

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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"The woman begins to turn b...

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The moonshine, the pitbull & the old lady.

John walks into a bar. As he orders a beer he sees a jar filled with 100$ bills on the counter. The bartender tells him that in order to win the jar of money, he has to complete 3 challenges, but the entry fee is 100$.

After some thinking, he decides to enter the contest. The bartender t...

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Mountain Moonshine

Tom worked at a popular bar in New York City and had to deal with a lot of shitty people on a daily basis. To get away from everyone he decided to take a vacation far out west to find peace and solitude; a place where no one would bother him.

He rented a cabin deep in the wilds of Montana, w...

She was only a moonshine-maker's daughter...

... but I loved her still.

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A guy walks into a bar without money…

He asks the bartender if he can get a free drink. The bartender kindly replies there are no free drinks on offer, but he could actually try the challenge and win free drinks for the rest of his life…

Naturally, the guy is interested; ‘So tell me about that challenge!’

The bartender exp...

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A Redneck Wedding

Some time ago when I was hitchhiking through the deep South, a fella who gave me a ride invited me to a redneck wedding. Now this was a proper wedding, two days of tractor pulls, shooting shit and falling down drunk off moonshine, before we were finally assembled in the chapel for the big ceremony o...

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I met a man who claimed to be able to make moonshine in his rectum.

He said it was the best moonshine he ever tasted and I absolutely had to try it. I thought "it would make for a pretty interesting story". Butt still...

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Lost

A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.

The old man says, "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went...

Two hillbillies

were sipping moonshine on the front porch when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

“I’m a-gonna do that when I win that there lottery”, announced hillbilly #1.

“Do wut?”, asked hillbilly #2

“Send my lawn out to git mowed.”

When I was young man I met a girl in Tennessee turned out she was a moonshiners daughter. That was a long time ago..

But I love her still.

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The police knocked on the door of a small Appalachian farmhouse.

"Good evening sir. We have received a report that you have been distilling illegal moonshine!"

"Me?! Moonshining?! That is a god damn lie! Never have I been so insulted in my entire life! I've never done anything like that! These are evil rumours that somebody has spread! - And I'll tell you ...

Why is the dark side of the moon dry?

Because the other side has all the moonshine

A man is hitchhiking on a lonely road.

After a good while an old beat up truck stops and picks him up and after a couple of minutes of small talk the driver ask the man if he wants some booze. Sure he says and gets handed a bottle. When he tries to drink it the smell of bad moonshine overwhelms him and he declined the drink. The old man ...

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A reporter goes to Appalachia

to write a piece on the hardship of rural life. He goes to the bar and asks a guy to tell him some stories about the hard life he's lived.

The guy says, "One time a buddy's wife went missing in the woods so we had to form a search party for her. By the time we found her it was dark and we ha...

Tom Cruise is making a movie about distilling moonshine during prohibition

It’s called Whisky Business

What do you call a castrated male chicken that runs an illegal moonshine business?

Al Capon

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The good brother

A farmer and his wife are sitting out on the porch at the end of the day.

After a couple shots of moonshine, the farmer reaches over and grabs his wife's tit and says,"You know, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow."

The wife reaches over, grabs the farmer's dick and sa...

I've invented a solar-powered still!

It turns sunshine into moonshine.

Credit: Quirk.

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An old redneck goes to the doctor

He's been feeling unwell since a while, and moonshine doesn't help.
The doc examines him, then gives him a prescription for suppositories.
"Have 3 of those a day, and come back next week to see how it goes! " he says.
A week later, the old redneck comes back and complains he feels eve...

Two hillbillies run into each other one afternoon...

the first one asks, "Hey bubba, do you want another bottle of that moonshine I hooked you up with last week?" Bubba says,"Hell no! That stuff had me blowing chunks all night long!!"
Puzzled, the 1st hillbilly says, "That's a tried and true family recipe. I've heard of lots of people getting ple...

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focus

Two poor country girls are broke and decide to do some nude modeling. Cherylynn has posed for the photographer before so she knows the process.

The photog invites them into his studio and offers them a drink. Darlene,being nervous, asks Cherylynn "whass that there in that jug?". The reply is ...

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A retired stock broker moves to the country

He buys a large plot of land and is living by himself for a few months when he gets a knock on the door.
The man answers the door and a large country boy is standing there.

"Muh name is Bubba, I'm your neighbor with the farm across from ya"

The man is excited as he hasn't really ...

The Reporter in the Appalachian Mountains

Life magazine sends one if its reporters to the Appalachian Mountains to gather life stories of the locals. On the first day, the reporter climbs up a mountain and there he encounters an old man sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of his log cabin.

"Good morning, sir. I'm a reporte...

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A man walks into a bar and sees a giant jar of $20 notes...

"What's with the jar?" the man asks the bartender.

"That's for the bar challenge, you put $20 in and if you complete three tasks you get the lot."

"What are the three tasks?" the customer asks, intrigued.

"First you need to drink a gallon of homemade moonshine, the strongest we...

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A man walks into a bar

And orders a few drinks. As the night goes on, he notices a sign on the wall.

It reads FREE DRINKS FOR LIFE! TAKE ON THE BAYOU CHALLENGE!

The man asks the bartender about the sign, and the bartender replies.

It’s a challenge to see who the manliest man in the bayou is. If you...

My favorite Finnish joke

Pekka is at a party in a tall building in the great city of Helsinki, which is quite different from the small timber cabin in the forest he is used to as a lumberjack. Pekka is enjoying the party, but after a few bottles of the moonshine he brought, Pekka finds himself in the need of a toilet. He as...

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So there’s this news reporter...

So one day, a man’s boss comes to him and tells him “John, I want you to go out and find some stories about fun things people can do in the country side.” So John packs up his gear and heads out of the city to try and find something to report on.

He drives along all day scouring the country ...

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A young boy and his cranky grandfather ...

... are sitting on the front porch. The grandfather picks up his jug of moonshine and takes a big swig from it.

The boy asks, "Can I have a sip of that, Grandpa?"

"Can your dick touch your ass?" the grandfather asks.

"No..." says the boy

"Then you're too young to drink li...

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A joke translated from Russian

A young man goes to a collective farm to work as a vet. The chairman of the farm greets him and tells him he already has three vets.

"But I'm special, Comrade Chairman," says the young man, "I understand the language of the animals."

"No shit," says the chairman, "why don't you show me...

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A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian

get caught in a storm while sailing and crash into an island. The island is inhabited by cannibals. They're given 3 tasks and if they fail at anyone of them, they'll be eaten.
First they have to drink a bottle of moonshine, then they have to go into a tiger cave and kill a tiger and lastly they ...

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I was walking through Tennessee.

I was walking through Tennessee, and I came upon a cabin. There was a man sitting on the porch with a big bottle in front of him. He called over to me, "Hey boy, get over here." Pointing to the bottle, he asked, "You know what this is?" "I don't know." "It's moonshine you idiot. Why don't you tak...

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The Three Tent Test

A white man is captured by an Indian tribe. The chief of the tribe tells the man "we'll let you live if you can pass the Three Tent Test." The white man agrees very quickly, and then asks what the test actually is.

The chief says "we have 3 teepees lined up here. In the first teepee is a jar...

A man walks into...

a bar, and immediately walks up to the bar. He notices a large jar of cash placed on the bar that is oozing 20 dollar bills. He asks the bartender what it is for. To which the bartender replies; "It is the challenge jar. If you're feelin' froggy you can place a 20 in there, and I'll give you three c...

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the web
The president was tweeting as the market went red
The government was closed because of a wall
In hopes that Mexico, would pay for it all

The people were nestled, their head in their hands
While visi...

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A man is sick and tired of his busy life in the city

So he packs up everything he owns, sells his house, and buys a little place way out in the countryside in the middle of nowhere. He spends a couple of months peacefully on his own; he gets up every morning, catches some fish from the river running near his house, tends to his vegetable garden, and s...

So I was walking through rural Georgia when...

...I passed a little lady with white hair and deep wrinkles sitting on her front porch who waved to me. I decided to amble up, say hello, and see if I could determine the secret to her longevity.

She told me her name was Ida and that she'd lived in this house her whole life, just as her par...

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