I used to be like that shouty chef on Hell's Kitchen. When I worked in the kitchen I yelled and shouted all the time. And then I discovered oven mitts.
I don't buy cheap oven mitts anymore
I've been burnt before
What Does A Chinese Man Need When Taking his Dog Out?
Three military wives were at the base PX in Fort Hood fighting over the last toaster on the shelf. The first one says "My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star. I deserve it."
The second one says "No. My husband came back from Afghanistan with a Purple Heart, a Bronze Star, and the Congressional Medal of Honor. I deserve it."
The third one says "Well, my husband came back from Afghanistan in a body bag. NOW GET YOUR MITTS OFF THAT TOASTER!"
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
An old multi-billionaire is lying on his deathbed...
And he calls his 3 best friends into the room.
"Now look," he says, "I know I won't be alive much longer, and you know I love my money. I want to prove to my family that you CAN take it with you when you go. So, to keep them from getting their greedy mitts on my money, I'm ...