What deodorant do miners pick?

They pick Axe

A cop stops a miner for speeding on the highway and asks, "Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?"

On which the miner replies, "mine".

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"Your one and only job is to supply the miners"

The foreman told the asian man before leaving the job site.

Upon the foreman's return a week later he noticed one of the job site workers lackadaisically lounging in the sun.

"Hey Bob! How are ya? Why arent you workin boy?" said the foreman.

"Im too hungry to work. That chinama...

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How does a sex worker extract precious minerals from the Earth?

They strip mine.

A miner gets pulled over by the police while he’s driving

The police office then proceeds to ask him:
“Whose car is this?”
“Where are you headed?”
“What do you do?”

The miner simply responds with: “Mine”.

Why do miners make the best ghosts?

Because they're pro spectres.

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Chief SS Officer: "Sir, it seems we are mining too many minerals."

Hitler: "Then mine less minerals."

Grammar Nazi: "Mine **fewer**!"

Hitler: "Yes?"

Here is a miner's life

Edit: OMG thanks for the gold and the silver I didn't expect it to blow up

Yeah thats the joke its lame

What do you call a retired miner?

Doug

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Told to me by a miner, so you know it's bad.

A reporter is doing an article about West Virginia, as he is compiling and editing he realizes that he has no human interest story. So he heads out to a local bar and sees an old timer sitting by himself. He explains the situation and asks him what he's like.

The old timer responds, "what do ...

A miner rests his bones after a very long shift.

"I don't think I can keep doing this for much longer," he tells his buddy at the bar.

"You just need a little pep in your step," his friend says, handing him a prescription bottle. "Take one of these twice a day and then see how you're feeling tomorrow."

Hesitantly, but without much t...

James Cameron: I don't know what to call the unobtainable mineral the blue aliens are hiding.

**Guy who came up with "Newfoundland":** Unobtain...ium?

JC: BRILLIANT!

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What do German Miners call their penis?

Mein Schaft.

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What's the worst part about having sex with a miner?

Their headlamp always shines right in your eyes!!

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A man starts his new job as a miner in a far away Australian town.

The town only exists for miners, and all the miners are men.

After a month on the job the man is very horny, but with no women in town he's out of luck.

One night in the bar he's talking to his fellow miners about his situation. He asks them how they deal with the loneliness.

Th...

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I have an extensive collection of pornography involving miners.

It’s the only way I can get my rocks off...

It is 1850 in California, where a group of miners are looking for gold.

Hundreds of miners flock to a local river and reserve their spots for mining.

Some manage to secure a spot on the river before the rush, and the spots are taken instantly. Ones that slept in are too late and have to move on to the next one. Some of them will never find gold, even the.miners i...

Four worms were placed in four separate test tubes: 1st in beer 2nd in wine 3rd in whiskey 4th in mineral water The next day, the teacher shows the results: The 1st worm in beer, dead. The 2nd in wine, dead. The 3rd in whiskey, dead. The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?

And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey
does not have worms.

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.


Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The cu...

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There was a youth who lived in Russia.

He was orphaned at the young age of 5. He only had one mother, Mother Russia. With no one to take care of him, he was left to fend for himself. He was poor and worked in the coal mines, to earn a mediocre salary to last him a day or two.

One day after a hard day at work, he walked down a si...

The king of animals

So a sheep had a big house in the middle of nowhere. After some time she noticed some pigs wandering around and they asked to move in for a week or two, they promised the sheep that during those two weeks they'll help her build a small cottage she wanted right next to her house. As they were buildin...

What did the hipster say about the Chilean miners?

I liked them so much better when they were underground.

Law Enforcement

Back in the 80's the government wanted to have a competition to see which branch of law enforcement was most effective. They released 3 rabbits into 3 separate forests and asked the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD to go find the rabbits. The FBI, after questioning the plants and minerals, determine rabb...

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The Alaskan Miner

Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners.

He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.

"Firstly...

A group of miners finished working and went to a bar

but the bartender wouldn't serve them. Ha! Ha! You get it? "Miners!" Haw! Haw!....ah, never mind.

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In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the President narrowed the field to three finalists, the CIA, the FBI, and the N.Y.P.D. The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the for...

Brian wanted to be a miner ever since he was little

So one day when he hit that magical age of 21 he packed up all of his things and left his parents house. Too the grievance of his mother he moved a few states over. To a little mining village that like in the old days completely depended on their local gold mine. For some reason unlike all the other...

Had a conversation with a Miner about the effects it had on the environment.

The conversation got rocky.

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

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colonoscopies

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by
his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
colonoscopies:



1. Take it easy Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before.



2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'



3....

Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?

Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.

What happens when a piano falls down a mine shaft?

A miner B flat

What happens when a piano falls on an army base?

A major B flat

What monster are miners scared of?

The canary wolf.

I started a new job as a miner last week.

I had to quit because whenever I put my mining hat on I felt light-headed.

The KGB, the FBI and the Cia are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investiga...

Two miners walk out of the mine after a hard days work, one carrying a shovel and the other a stick. The one carrying the shovel turns and asks, "Where's your shovel?"

And the other responds, "sure does".

Why do miners make good accomplices?

They don't snitch. They're good at mining their own business.

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Told my wife we’d have to stop sleeping together if I get this job with a mineral extraction company.

Yeah, in most states it’s illegal to have sex with a miner.

America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners

Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.

I Have Dated Several Miners In My Time... [NSFW]

They sure know their way around my shaft

What did the Miner say when he fell into the cave?

Great. I fell in a Sarchasm.

I introduced a miner to some heavy metal.

The Miner really digs the music.

How many crypto miners does it take to change a light bulb?

A hundred thousand!

One miner to change it, and 99,999 to determine who gets the credit.

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There’s a painting in a museum of 3 naked black men sitting on a bench, but the man in the middle has a pink penis.

The artist behind the painting is unknown, and no one really knows why the man in the middle has a pink penis. The curator has a story about how pink represents equality at birth, however the true reason was unknown. One day there was a couple touring the museum, and they spent quite a bit of time e...

My father was a commercial miner his whole life, but he only mined silver and gold. On his deathbed, I asked him what his favorite metal to mine was... he said

“Either ore.”

What's a miner's favourite band?

Coalplay

I'm really digging these NSFW jokes.

It's a shame it's not for miners.

How Do Miners Make Money?

By stripping or working the shaft.

My friend started a company that digs rocks and minerals..

He's just mining his own business.

A miner said he could make anyone laugh

He showed me something

And I immediately burst out laughing

What was it?

A shiny yellow stone

It was comedy gold

What’s the difference between a collier and a kid with hypothermia?

Ones a coal miner and the others a cold minor

I was just reading up on how they rescued the Chilean miners

most of it was just boring.

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[NSFW] What do male pornstars and miners have in common?

They both specialise in drilling 'ores.

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Aliens abduct a businessman, a scientist and a miner.

"So here's the thing, after achieving everything we could on our home planet we grew bored and now we travel galaxy and ask stupid questions. Here is yours -- what is the biggest number you can possibly think of? If answer amuses us, we grant you immortality, if not, we zap you with this death ray r...

What happened in the Industrial Revolution?

Minor miners.

Did you hear about the guy arrested for excavating in his back yard?

He was a miner offender

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[NSFW] The coal-miner's lust

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a m...

Why was the coal guy sent to prison?

He was found in bed with a miner.

Have you heard of the kid who died breaking ore?

He was so young. Only a miner.

A miner is selling raw ore...

He's approached by a blacksmith who says, "I'll take it."
The miner questions, "Which one?"
Blacksmith replies," Either ore."

BADUMTISSSS

I have an obsession with polishing minerals!

I hope that('s) crystal('s) clear

Only Coal Miners Will Get This

Black lung disease.

If minerals were people, who would be the poorest?

Stibnite, because it's antimony.

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A coal miner walks into a bar.

And the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”
The coal miner snorts, “You mean you don’t serve ‘minors’? Never heard that one before.”
“No, I mean we don’t serve black people.”’

Dumbass Miner

There were two miners were working in a mine. On top there is an office.

Miner A asks Miner B: Why do we have to work in these dirty mines while those guys up there sit in an fully air-conditioned office in their fancy chairs and expensive computers.
Miner B: Because they are smarter than ...

What did the miner say when he struck gold?

Au, yeah!

What do Margaret Thatcher & Prince Andrew have in common?

...They both shafted miners!

The wooly miner

A wealthy couple's anniversary is coming up and the wife is having a hard time finding a present for her husband because he already has everything he has ever wanted.

So she's walking down the street and decides to go into a pet store in search of a suitable present. After looking around for ...

I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners...

Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...

(I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the wat...

Why did the miner feel so low?

He was in a deep depression.

Why are indecisive miners the worst?

because all day they deal with ores.

A tourist was passing through a town in the heat of summer.

He wanted to be sure the water was good to drink, so he asked a local. “Oh, yes,” they assured him. The tourist then asked the local what made them so sure. "Well," they answered, "first we filters it, then we takes out the harmful minerals, then we puts it through some chemical process, and then we...

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A miner walks into a San Francisco bar.

He's been working out in the gold mines for 6 months and is desperately craving the company of a woman. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "I don't suppose you have any women? I haven't had sex in months..."
The bartender replies, "No, sorry... BUT we do have Chinaman Charlie out back if you...

Why is Dwarven music always so gloomy?

Everything is written in a miner key.

An old miner came down from the hills and walked into the local saloon...

He says to the bartender, "Give me a stiff shot and a fast woman."

Bartender says, "Things are pretty slow around here. No women to speak of, but old Joe is in the back if you're interested."

The miner says "I'm not into that sort of thing" and walks out.

A few months later th...

Why can't you purchase minerals by the gallon?

They only come in quarts(z)

I don't understand what I'm in jail for.....

All I said was that I'm in love with a miner

What do you call the sound of a piano falling down a mineshaft?

A flat miner

An American soldier and two miners are on a helicopter.

The miners are carrying iron ore and the American soldier is carrying bombs to a special facility. The soldier looks at the altimeter and sees that they are going down. He tells the miners this and they all agree to throw three sacks full of each's cargo. They all throw it over and land a few hours ...

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Why can't any of 7 Dwarfs drink alcohol?

They're miners.

I didn't know whether a small bomb belonged to me or my infant son who harvests coal for a living. So I asked:

"Is this minor mine mine or my minor miner's?"

On the first day of Juvenal court, the judge was sitting down to start reviewing the day's cases.

"Bring out the first defendant," He said to the new bailiff. He left, and came back a moment later with young boy who was accused of shoplifting. He was covered in black soot, wore tattered overalls, and over-sized work boots and gloves.

The judged asked the boy why he came to court ...

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Why dont Minecraft players have sex?

Its illegal to fuck a miner

What do you call the mineral found in teeth and tooth enamel?

Apatite.

What was Jeffrey Epstein's Minecraft Server called?

Miner's Welcome.

Did ya hear about the coal mine that caved in this morning?

Everyone got out, it was just a miner inconvenience.

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