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Miner Jokes

A cop pulls over a miner and asks

"Sir, whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do as a profession?"

And the miner replies "Mine."

A policeman pulled over a miner.

Policeman: Whose car is this, where are you going and what do you do?

Miner: mine

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The Alaskan Miner

Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners.

He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.

"Firstly...

A miner moves out west to California...

A miner moves out west to California. Having spent a few years in Colorado, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dawn 'til dusk in the mines, and then up from dusk 'til dawn drinking and playing card games.

So, to his surprise, when he moves to Bluster's Bl...

A group of dwarves get jobs as coal miners

After a week or so, one of the workers really stood out and was getting special treatment from the supervisor, Moe. The other dwarves complained to HR and threatened to go on strike.
The supervisor was called into the office and reprimanded. He explained that he was only trying to keep the harde...

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"Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals."

Hitler: "Mine less then"

*Grammar Nazi bursts in*

"MINE FEWER."

*Hitler looks over* "Yes?"

[EDIT](http://www.reddit.com/r/AntiJokes/comments/2dmxah/sir_were_mining_too_many_useless_minerals/)

If olive oil comes from olives and mineral oil comes from minerals...

What does baby oil come from?

Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?

Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.

How many crypto miners does it take to change a lightbulb?

A thousand. One to change the lightbulb and the other 999 to verify

What do you call a humble miner?

A really down to earth person

You heard about the trapped miners forced to eat moles to survive ?

They were living on burrowed time

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

What's the difference between a miner and a lumberjack?

You don't get arrested for dating a lumberjack.

What type of mineral makes people sneeze?

Gesundhite

The following content is not suitable for miners.

Cave-ins.

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In Wild West, a poor miner goes to a brothel

He had worked very hard and saved money but when he asked for a girl, they all turned out to be too expensive for him. Seeing his disappointment, the madam took a pity on him. She handed him a small wooden board with a hole in the middle and said,

"Here, you can look at the girls and fuck thi...

What do a hooker and a coal miner have in common?

They both work the shafts for pay.

Son asks his father (a bitcoin miner) to give him 1 Bitcoin for birthday.

Father replies: "Son! 20485$ is much cash! Why do you even need 18572$? For 21568$ You can buy a good car!"

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Suffering from a mineral deficiency? The only mineral you're going to need,

is some cocktanite

What is a miner’s favorite show?

Quarry in the House!

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Cat parents are basically failed gold miners…

All they do is dig up shit….

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Did you hear about the pornstar who took a second job as a miner?

She had a lot of experience with veiny shafts.

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What's the worst part about having sex with a miner?

Their headlamp always shines right in your eyes!!

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Told to me by a miner, so you know it's bad.

A reporter is doing an article about West Virginia, as he is compiling and editing he realizes that he has no human interest story. So he heads out to a local bar and sees an old timer sitting by himself. He explains the situation and asks him what he's like.

The old timer responds, "what do ...

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations ...

What did the hipster say about the Chilean miners?

I liked them so much better when they were underground.

Why weren't there any Miners in the USSR?

Because in the USSR they were Oursers.

What do we call a miner's climax?

An oregasm

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Coal miners

An exquisite painting entitled "Home for Lunch" was on display in a art gallery. It depicted three very naked, very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
Two women were st...

What deodorant do miners pick?

They pick Axe

Why did Soviet miners work with their feet?

Because in Soviet Russia, the bomb disarms you!

A miner rests his bones after a very long shift.

"I don't think I can keep doing this for much longer," he tells his buddy at the bar.

"You just need a little pep in your step," his friend says, handing him a prescription bottle. "Take one of these twice a day and then see how you're feeling tomorrow."

Hesitantly, but without much t...

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What do German Miners call their penis?

Mein Schaft.

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NSFW A Welsh coal miner is met at the door by his obviously angry wife....

when he arrives still drunk from the weekend on Sunday morning.

She asked him: "Did you not get paid Friday for working all month?"

He replies (with a belch): That I did, my lovely woman!"

She glares back at him, "And how much of that month's pay do you have left?"

Barely...

I introduced a miner to some heavy metal.

The Miner really digs the music.

I started a new job as a miner last week.

I had to quit because whenever I put my mining hat on I felt light-headed.

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[NSFW] The coal-miner's lust

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a m...

I used to work as a miner but quit after a while

That job was boring

A miner gets pulled over by the police while he’s driving

The police office then proceeds to ask him:
“Whose car is this?”
“Where are you headed?”
“What do you do?”

The miner simply responds with: “Mine”.

Why do miners make the best ghosts?

Because they're pro spectres.

A miner is selling raw ore...

He's approached by a blacksmith who says, "I'll take it."
The miner questions, "Which one?"
Blacksmith replies," Either ore."

BADUMTISSSS

The wooly miner

A wealthy couple's anniversary is coming up and the wife is having a hard time finding a present for her husband because he already has everything he has ever wanted.

So she's walking down the street and decides to go into a pet store in search of a suitable present. After looking around for ...

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A man starts his new job as a miner in a far away Australian town.

The town only exists for miners, and all the miners are men.

After a month on the job the man is very horny, but with no women in town he's out of luck.

One night in the bar he's talking to his fellow miners about his situation. He asks them how they deal with the loneliness.

Th...

Here is a miner's life

Edit: OMG thanks for the gold and the silver I didn't expect it to blow up

Yeah thats the joke its lame

Worms

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.

The 2nd in wine, dead.

The 3rd in whiskey, dead.

The 4th in ...

A miner said he could make anyone laugh

He showed me something

And I immediately burst out laughing

What was it?

A shiny yellow stone

It was comedy gold

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"Your one and only job is to supply the miners"

The foreman told the asian man before leaving the job site.

Upon the foreman's return a week later he noticed one of the job site workers lackadaisically lounging in the sun.

"Hey Bob! How are ya? Why arent you workin boy?" said the foreman.

"Im too hungry to work. That chinama...

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I have an extensive collection of pornography involving miners.

It’s the only way I can get my rocks off...

A group of miners finished working and went to a bar

but the bartender wouldn't serve them. Ha! Ha! You get it? "Miners!" Haw! Haw!....ah, never mind.

Dumbass Miner

There were two miners were working in a mine. On top there is an office.

Miner A asks Miner B: Why do we have to work in these dirty mines while those guys up there sit in an fully air-conditioned office in their fancy chairs and expensive computers.
Miner B: Because they are smarter than ...

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Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting... [warning: offensive!]

\[I once killed a party with this joke. You have been warned!\]

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting.

The first mother puts down her knitting, picks up her handbag, pulls out a bottle of pills, takes one, then resumes knitting. She sees the other two mot...

What's a miner's favourite band?

Coalplay

Why do miners make good accomplices?

They don't snitch. They're good at mining their own business.

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A coal miner walks into a bar.

And the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”
The coal miner snorts, “You mean you don’t serve ‘minors’? Never heard that one before.”
“No, I mean we don’t serve black people.”’

What monster are miners scared of?

The canary wolf.

America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners

Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.

Why did the miner feel so low?

He was in a deep depression.

I have an obsession with polishing minerals!

I hope that('s) crystal('s) clear

Brian wanted to be a miner ever since he was little

So one day when he hit that magical age of 21 he packed up all of his things and left his parents house. Too the grievance of his mother he moved a few states over. To a little mining village that like in the old days completely depended on their local gold mine. For some reason unlike all the other...

How Do Miners Make Money?

By stripping or working the shaft.

What did the Miner say when he fell into the cave?

Great. I fell in a Sarchasm.

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Aliens abduct a businessman, a scientist and a miner.

"So here's the thing, after achieving everything we could on our home planet we grew bored and now we travel galaxy and ask stupid questions. Here is yours -- what is the biggest number you can possibly think of? If answer amuses us, we grant you immortality, if not, we zap you with this death ray r...

Why don't local government prioritize the concerns of laborers who collect minerals in caves?

They're only miner issues.

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A miner walks into a San Francisco bar.

He's been working out in the gold mines for 6 months and is desperately craving the company of a woman. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "I don't suppose you have any women? I haven't had sex in months..."
The bartender replies, "No, sorry... BUT we do have Chinaman Charlie out back if you...

What did the miner say when he struck gold?

Au, yeah!

I Have Dated Several Miners In My Time... [NSFW]

They sure know their way around my shaft

My friend started a company that digs rocks and minerals..

He's just mining his own business.

It is 1850 in California, where a group of miners are looking for gold.

Hundreds of miners flock to a local river and reserve their spots for mining.

Some manage to secure a spot on the river before the rush, and the spots are taken instantly. Ones that slept in are too late and have to move on to the next one. Some of them will never find gold, even the.miners i...

Only Coal Miners Will Get This

Black lung disease.

Why are indecisive miners the worst?

because all day they deal with ores.

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[NSFW] What do male pornstars and miners have in common?

They both specialise in drilling 'ores.

Where do you get bare minerals from?

A strip mine

How many crypto miners does it take to change a light bulb?

A hundred thousand!

One miner to change it, and 99,999 to determine who gets the credit.

Why are oil miners and police men mortal enemies?

One brings black stuff and the other gets rid of it

I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners...

Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...

(I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)

An old miner came down from the hills and walked into the local saloon...

He says to the bartender, "Give me a stiff shot and a fast woman."

Bartender says, "Things are pretty slow around here. No women to speak of, but old Joe is in the back if you're interested."

The miner says "I'm not into that sort of thing" and walks out.

A few months later th...

If Major Tom flies really high up, what would you call someone very deep beneath the ground?

Miner Tom

I pulled a muscle digging for gold.

It was just a miner injury.

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Why can't you purchase minerals by the gallon?

They only come in quarts(z)

What did the miner say when it turns out he found Pyrite instead of gold?

“Auuuuuuu!”

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat miner

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When the Romans Conquered Britain

In the mid 1st century CE one of the problems they did not anticipate was the rampant fraud being conducted in the bronze trade. Tradesmen who shaped the metal would buy it from merchants who bought it from the miners in the form of bars of bronze, already mixed from copper and tin.

The...

I was just reading up on how they rescued the Chilean miners

most of it was just boring.

After years of digging, a gold prospector finally found a small amount of a precious metal

It was a miner success.

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Told my wife we’d have to stop sleeping together if I get this job with a mineral extraction company.

Yeah, in most states it’s illegal to have sex with a miner.

A couple called our company to remove some cancerous silicate minerals in their insulated home

I’ll try to remove them Asbestos I can

A friend of mine recently fell into an abandoned mine shaft.

Don't worry, he only suffered miner injuries.

Two miners got trapped in a dark tunnel after a mine collapse, blocking their way in, and cutting off the power and lights.

One miner remained calm. He knew that there was other exits from the mine, but in the complete darkness, he had no way to navigate. He remained trapped.

The other miner started panicking. It was so dark, he had a wife and kids at home, he didn’t want to die like this. He was hyperventilating....

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