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Cat parents are basically failed gold miners…

All they do is dig up shit….

Why weren't there any Miners in the USSR?

Because in the USSR they were Oursers.

Son asks his father (a bitcoin miner) to give him 1 Bitcoin for birthday.

Father replies: "Son! 20485$ is much cash! Why do you even need 18572$? For 21568$ You can buy a good car!"

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In Wild West, a poor miner goes to a brothel

He had worked very hard and saved money but when he asked for a girl, they all turned out to be too expensive for him. Seeing his disappointment, the madam took a pity on him. She handed him a small wooden board with a hole in the middle and said,

"Here, you can look at the girls and fuck thi...

The Oblivious Miner

A miner moves out to Colorado. Having spent a few years in California, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dusk 'til dawn in the mines, and then from dawn 'til dusk drinking, playing card games and occasionally have some great night with them lady(or ladies).
...

The following content is not suitable for miners.

Cave-ins.

What type of mineral makes people sneeze?

Gesundhite

Two miners got trapped in a dark tunnel after a mine collapse, blocking their way in, and cutting off the power and lights.

One miner remained calm. He knew that there was other exits from the mine, but in the complete darkness, he had no way to navigate. He remained trapped.

The other miner started panicking. It was so dark, he had a wife and kids at home, he didn’t want to die like this. He was hyperventilating....

A Cop pulls over a miner's car.

COP: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
MINER: Mine.

After seeing the popularity of r/antiwork explode all I have to say is...

I think all jobs are deserving of respect, but miners are definitely below me.

What do we call a miner's climax?

An oregasm

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

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What do you call your husband?

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.

Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."

Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."

Kathy...

I used to work at a coal mine

But I left because the bars didn't allow miners

What's the difference between a miner and a lumberjack?

You don't get arrested for dating a lumberjack.

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Did you hear about the pornstar who took a second job as a miner?

She had a lot of experience with veiny shafts.

What you you call a retired miner?

Doug

I used to work as a miner but quit after a while

That job was boring

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NSFW A Welsh coal miner is met at the door by his obviously angry wife....

when he arrives still drunk from the weekend on Sunday morning.

She asked him: "Did you not get paid Friday for working all month?"

He replies (with a belch): That I did, my lovely woman!"

She glares back at him, "And how much of that month's pay do you have left?"

Barely...

Why did Soviet miners work with their feet?

Because in Soviet Russia, the bomb disarms you!

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The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude...

What is a miner’s favorite show?

Quarry in the House!

There was a famous pianist

There was a famous pianist that was moving to a new mansion he had just bought. He had with him two removalist trucks. One had all his personal belongings and furniture and the second had his favourite piano in it.

As they were travelling to the mansion they passed by a quarry. As they were ...

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Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting... [warning: offensive!]

\[I once killed a party with this joke. You have been warned!\]

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting.

The first mother puts down her knitting, picks up her handbag, pulls out a bottle of pills, takes one, then resumes knitting. She sees the other two mot...

A miner gets pulled over by the police while he’s driving

The police office then proceeds to ask him:
“Whose car is this?”
“Where are you headed?”
“What do you do?”

The miner simply responds with: “Mine”.

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"Your one and only job is to supply the miners"

The foreman told the asian man before leaving the job site.

Upon the foreman's return a week later he noticed one of the job site workers lackadaisically lounging in the sun.

"Hey Bob! How are ya? Why arent you workin boy?" said the foreman.

"Im too hungry to work. That chinama...

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Told to me by a miner, so you know it's bad.

A reporter is doing an article about West Virginia, as he is compiling and editing he realizes that he has no human interest story. So he heads out to a local bar and sees an old timer sitting by himself. He explains the situation and asks him what he's like.

The old timer responds, "what do ...

Why don't local government prioritize the concerns of laborers who collect minerals in caves?

They're only miner issues.

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How does a sex worker extract precious minerals from the Earth?

They strip mine.

Three dwarves walk into a bar...

Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve miners."

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"Sir we're mining too many useless minerals."

Hitler: "Mine less then."
*grammar nazi bursts in*

"Mine fewer"

*Hitler looks over* "Yes?"

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Suffering from a mineral deficiency? The only mineral you're going to need,

is some cocktanite

Here is a miner's life

Edit: OMG thanks for the gold and the silver I didn't expect it to blow up

Yeah thats the joke its lame

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What do German Miners call their penis?

Mein Schaft.

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What's the worst part about having sex with a miner?

Their headlamp always shines right in your eyes!!

Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?

Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.

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A man starts his new job as a miner in a far away Australian town.

The town only exists for miners, and all the miners are men.

After a month on the job the man is very horny, but with no women in town he's out of luck.

One night in the bar he's talking to his fellow miners about his situation. He asks them how they deal with the loneliness.

Th...

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I have an extensive collection of pornography involving miners.

It’s the only way I can get my rocks off...

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The Alaskan Miner

Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners.

He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.

"Firstly...

A group of miners finished working and went to a bar

but the bartender wouldn't serve them. Ha! Ha! You get it? "Miners!" Haw! Haw!....ah, never mind.

What deodorant do miners pick?

They pick Axe

Why do miners make the best ghosts?

Because they're pro spectres.

A miner rests his bones after a very long shift.

"I don't think I can keep doing this for much longer," he tells his buddy at the bar.

"You just need a little pep in your step," his friend says, handing him a prescription bottle. "Take one of these twice a day and then see how you're feeling tomorrow."

Hesitantly, but without much t...

James Cameron: I don't know what to call the unobtainable mineral the blue aliens are hiding.

**Guy who came up with "Newfoundland":** Unobtain...ium?

JC: BRILLIANT!

Four worms were placed in four separate test tubes: 1st in beer 2nd in wine 3rd in whiskey 4th in mineral water The next day, the teacher shows the results: The 1st worm in beer, dead. The 2nd in wine, dead. The 3rd in whiskey, dead. The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?

And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey
does not have worms.

A gigantic gas explosion in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.

After all, it was only miner injuries.

What did the hipster say about the Chilean miners?

I liked them so much better when they were underground.

It is 1850 in California, where a group of miners are looking for gold.

Hundreds of miners flock to a local river and reserve their spots for mining.

Some manage to secure a spot on the river before the rush, and the spots are taken instantly. Ones that slept in are too late and have to move on to the next one. Some of them will never find gold, even the.miners i...

I hate people who trade with minerals

They take everything for granite

Had a conversation with a Miner about the effects it had on the environment.

The conversation got rocky.

I pulled a muscle digging for gold.

It was just a miner injury.

Two miners walk out of the mine after a hard days work, one carrying a shovel and the other a stick. The one carrying the shovel turns and asks, "Where's your shovel?"

And the other responds, "sure does".

America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners

Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.

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Told my wife we’d have to stop sleeping together if I get this job with a mineral extraction company.

Yeah, in most states it’s illegal to have sex with a miner.

What monster are miners scared of?

The canary wolf.

Why do miners make good accomplices?

They don't snitch. They're good at mining their own business.

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NSFW Dylan, a Welsh farmer who'd had a few too many headed to the pub's men's room when nature called.....

While standing at the urinal trough he suddenly had a puzzled look on his face. He quickly finished his business and ran out to speak to the bartender. Leaning in close he whispered to the bartender:

"I know I'm pretty drunk, but I swear I saw a black guy with a white dick in the bathroom! Hu...

I started a new job as a miner last week.

I had to quit because whenever I put my mining hat on I felt light-headed.

Brian wanted to be a miner ever since he was little

So one day when he hit that magical age of 21 he packed up all of his things and left his parents house. Too the grievance of his mother he moved a few states over. To a little mining village that like in the old days completely depended on their local gold mine. For some reason unlike all the other...

Why did the worker at the coal mine come to work immediately after he got injured ?

because it was a miner injury

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A Flat Miner.

I Have Dated Several Miners In My Time... [NSFW]

They sure know their way around my shaft

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Be careful who you talk to about religion in West Virginia

You could be talking about sects with a miner!

What's a miner's favourite band?

Coalplay

I introduced a miner to some heavy metal.

The Miner really digs the music.

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[NSFW] The coal-miner's lust

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a m...

How Do Miners Make Money?

By stripping or working the shaft.

What did the gold miner shout to the thief as he ran away...

Au you got my gold.

Today a 49er smashed my car with a pickaxe

Fortunately, it was only miner damage

How many crypto miners does it take to change a light bulb?

A hundred thousand!

One miner to change it, and 99,999 to determine who gets the credit.

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Coal miners

An exquisite painting entitled "Home for Lunch" was on display in a art gallery. It depicted three very naked, very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
Two women were st...

My father was a commercial miner his whole life, but he only mined silver and gold. On his deathbed, I asked him what his favorite metal to mine was... he said

“Either ore.”

My parents seemed upset when I told them about my new girlfriend.

So what if she's a miner?

My friend started a company that digs rocks and minerals..

He's just mining his own business.

What did the Miner say when he fell into the cave?

Great. I fell in a Sarchasm.

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Did y’all hear about the hoarder who harrased the workers mining coal?

He was arrested for sending pictures of his junk to miners.

I was just reading up on how they rescued the Chilean miners

most of it was just boring.

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[NSFW] What do male pornstars and miners have in common?

They both specialise in drilling 'ores.

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Purty goat

A young man got his first real job with a mining company. The mining camp was way out in the hinterlands- there wasn't even a town within a two hour drive. A couple of days in he realizes the men have taken to satisfying their manly urges with goats who were grazed nearby. He expressed his disgust, ...

A miner said he could make anyone laugh

He showed me something

And I immediately burst out laughing

What was it?

A shiny yellow stone

It was comedy gold

A miner is selling raw ore...

He's approached by a blacksmith who says, "I'll take it."
The miner questions, "Which one?"
Blacksmith replies," Either ore."

BADUMTISSSS

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Aliens abduct a businessman, a scientist and a miner.

"So here's the thing, after achieving everything we could on our home planet we grew bored and now we travel galaxy and ask stupid questions. Here is yours -- what is the biggest number you can possibly think of? If answer amuses us, we grant you immortality, if not, we zap you with this death ray r...

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A coal miner walks into a bar.

And the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”
The coal miner snorts, “You mean you don’t serve ‘minors’? Never heard that one before.”
“No, I mean we don’t serve black people.”’

Dumbass Miner

There were two miners were working in a mine. On top there is an office.

Miner A asks Miner B: Why do we have to work in these dirty mines while those guys up there sit in an fully air-conditioned office in their fancy chairs and expensive computers.
Miner B: Because they are smarter than ...

Only Coal Miners Will Get This

Black lung disease.

A couple called our company to remove some cancerous silicate minerals in their insulated home

I’ll try to remove them Asbestos I can

If minerals were people, who would be the poorest?

Stibnite, because it's antimony.

I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners...

Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...

(I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)

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A Teacher is talking to her class about Prostitutions rights in Nevada

She explains that Nevada has several brothels that have been in operation since the frontier days, and so legislature has been written to allow them to practice prostitution.

She then goes on to explain that, with the exception of Las Vegas, Nevada is mainly comprised of silver mining towns, ...

The wooly miner

A wealthy couple's anniversary is coming up and the wife is having a hard time finding a present for her husband because he already has everything he has ever wanted.

So she's walking down the street and decides to go into a pet store in search of a suitable present. After looking around for ...

Why are indecisive miners the worst?

because all day they deal with ores.

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A miner walks into a San Francisco bar.

He's been working out in the gold mines for 6 months and is desperately craving the company of a woman. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "I don't suppose you have any women? I haven't had sex in months..."
The bartender replies, "No, sorry... BUT we do have Chinaman Charlie out back if you...

Why did the miner feel so low?

He was in a deep depression.

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Why can't prospecters hook up on Reddit?

>!Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving miners.!<

I periodically see my doctor and our conversations go like this...

Doc: your diet isn't great. Don't you think you should try to easy off on the salt?

Me: Na

Doc: you really should. You might develop respiratory issues and have trouble breathing.

Me: O

Doc: and try eating more fruits. They'll give you more vitamins and minerals

Me...

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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculatio...

Why were the seven dwarves always sober?

Because no one would serve alcohol to miners...

What did the miner say when it turns out he found Pyrite instead of gold?

“Auuuuuuu!”

An old miner came down from the hills and walked into the local saloon...

He says to the bartender, "Give me a stiff shot and a fast woman."

Bartender says, "Things are pretty slow around here. No women to speak of, but old Joe is in the back if you're interested."

The miner says "I'm not into that sort of thing" and walks out.

A few months later th...

Why can't you purchase minerals by the gallon?

They only come in quarts(z)

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