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What do you call a schizophrenic who only has sex with MILFS?

One crazy motherfucker..

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Best part of banging a milf

What's the best part of having sex with a milf?

Leaving with a juice box and bagged lunch in the morning!

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What's Putin's favorite PornHub category?

MILFs, because he loves fucking Mother Russia

My wife left me because of autocorrect

That's the last time she'll ever text me saying "Can you please bring home some milf from the supermarket?"

What do MILF's taste like?

Umami

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Melbourne is beginning to look a lot like a MILF

42 and fucking HOT

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There's a porn site that makes you watch at least 10 minutes of dwarf MILF content before you can access anything else.

That's their bare mini mum.

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I just bought PornHub Premium.

And now there aren’t any horny milfs in my area that want to have sex with me anymore.

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I was at a bar last night and saw this MILF sitting at a table drinking by herself. I walked up to her and said, "Your ass is like the State of the Union Address."...

I'm gonna tear that shit up later.

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A man buys a motorcycle

The salesman hands over a tube of vaseline. "If it starts raining, coat your seat with it. It will protect the leather from water damage."

The man decides to take his new motorcycle down some country roads in the middle of nowhere. Several hours from the nearest big city, his new ride breaks ...

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TIFU by trying to punish my son after finding bondage gear, fetish masks, and milf porn in his room

I really shoulda thought twice before spanking him

What did the ancient egyptians call their milfs?

Mummies

The Mars rover has detected the first signs of life on Mars.

It seems that it has received signals from 'Hot MILFs in it's area'

NSFW While I was sitting in the bar one night drinking alone

A stunner of a woman walked up to the bar sat down right next to me. A booty to die for and rack that hadn’t fallen yet, I couldn’t help taking a glance at her. She smiled back at me, and not in an unkindly way.

I asked if I could buy her the next drink. She accepted. We started talking. She ...

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Why are the top porn searches always for "Teen" and "MILF" age groups?

Because millennials are sick of watching each other get fucked.

A captain enhances his soldiers' spirit before going to battle

He asks Ryan first

\- What is America, you?

\- It is my mother, and I love it more than anything.

\- What would you do for her?

\- I would sacrifice myself, if necessary.

Pleased, he asks Forrest

\- And you, do you love America, soldier?

\- Yes, but ...

Threesome?

A guy in his mid twenties is in a bar when he notices an atractive milf. He decides to try his luck and goes over to talk with her.

She seems interested and after a few drinks she asks him if he has ever considered taking part in a mother / daughter threesome. Seeing as the milf is so attract...

My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague.

I said, “Don’t cry over skilled milf.”

I collect pictures of MILFs.

They are my pokemom cards.

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In MILF porn...

There's always one motherfucker

I finally know why people like eating out MILFs

They got the umami flavor

Why I love working out at the gym I go to!

There's this hot MILF always walking around checking me out.

I love home gyms.

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I encountered a milf at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little ...

[NSFW] I like to wait outside hospitals

Because I like my MILFs fresh.

What's hindi for milf?

Mumbae

What did the Ancient Egyptians call a good lookin mummy?

a MILF

What do you call an edited series of MILF videos?

A Momtage

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I must be getting old

My favorite teen pornstar is now on the MILF sites

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2018 was the first year with teen porn stars born in a different millennium

2019 will be the first year with "milf" porn starts born in a different millennium

Do you know what I miss about my childhood?

Not caring about spelling and chocolate milf

My mum sent me a text saying, "I've got a funny game."

"What is it?" I replied.

She said, "For every text you send to me, you have to put 'you' at the end."

"That's the stupidest idea since...you!" I replied.

She said, "Son, what does MILF stand for?"

"I'm not falling for that." I added.

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Pornhub Premium sucks

Ever since I got it there are no 40 years old milfs in my area looking to fuck.

My older, attractive next door neighbor had a seizure on her front yard today.

The MILF shakes brought paramedics to the yard.

Two rednecks from Alabama are sitting, drinking. . .

When one turns to the other & declares "I'm finally dating a geeeenuuuuine MILF!"

The other looks up & says: "Really, Jim Bob?"

"Yep!" Jim Bob replies. "She's fifteen but she only got 3 kids."

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