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Milf Jokes

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Best part of banging a milf

What's the best part of having sex with a milf?

Leaving with a juice box and bagged lunch in the morning!

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A man buys a motorcycle

The salesman hands over a tube of vaseline. "If it starts raining, coat your seat with it. It will protect the leather from water damage."

The man decides to take his new motorcycle down some country roads in the middle of nowhere. Several hours from the nearest big city, his new ride breaks ...

My wife left me because of autocorrect

That's the last time she'll ever text me saying "Can you please bring home some milf from the supermarket?"

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I just bought PornHub Premium.

And now there aren’t any horny milfs in my area that want to have sex with me anymore.

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Melbourne is beginning to look a lot like a MILF

42 and fucking HOT

My girlfriend called me a gullible idiot and said I shouldn't believe everything I see on the Internet

I told her I don't have to put up with this, not when there are desperate single milfs less than a mile away

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What do you call a schizophrenic who only has sex with MILFS?

One crazy motherfucker..

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An inexperienced young dude hooks up with a rather experienced MILF on Tinder...

They make out, when she says - hey, you ever had a 69? "No, what's that?", he replies. She says "let me show you", as she pulls down her undies and straddles his face, taking his dick in her mouth.

Few minutes into it, she's hot and bothered, and lets out the tiniest "feeeeeeeeepppp" fart war...

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I just found out someone opened a credit card in my name and used it to buy thousands of dollars worth of milf porn!

I think I’m a victim of identity Freud.

I told my Mom that a friend at school called her a MILF.

All she could say was “Which friend?”

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In MILF porn...

There's always one motherfucker

Threesome?

A guy in his mid twenties is in a bar when he notices an atractive milf. He decides to try his luck and goes over to talk with her.

She seems interested and after a few drinks she asks him if he has ever considered taking part in a mother / daughter threesome. Seeing as the milf is so attract...

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Pornhub was just banned in Arkansas, but there's a catch. Before you can gain access, you have to watch at least one video of dwarf MILF content.

That's the bare mini mum.

What taste tickles a MILF lover's taste buds?

Umami.

At one point, playboy tried to capitalize on the MILF craze but was wildly unsuccessful.

It turns out nobody wants to ask the person running the register if they got the *Mommy Issues.*

What did the ancient egyptians call their milfs?

Mummies

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Why are the top porn searches always for "Teen" and "MILF" age groups?

Because millennials are sick of watching each other get fucked.

Mike was going to have dinner at his girlfriend’s to meet her parents for the first time

Before heading to her house he stopped at the pharmacy, tells the guy behind the counter

“Hi, can you please give me a rubber please, I’m going to meet my GF parents tonight and afterwards who knows right? Better yet give me two, my GF’s sister is hot too and she is always locking eyes with ...

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TIFU by trying to punish my son after finding bondage gear, fetish masks, and milf porn in his room

I really shoulda thought twice before spanking him

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I was at a bar last night and saw this MILF sitting at a table drinking by herself. I walked up to her and said, "Your ass is like the State of the Union Address."...

I'm gonna tear that shit up later.

What do you call an edited series of MILF videos?

A Momtage

My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague.

I said, “Don’t cry over skilled milf.”

Why I love working out at the gym I go to!

There's this hot MILF always walking around checking me out.

I love home gyms.

My older, attractive next door neighbor had a seizure on her front yard today.

The MILF shakes brought paramedics to the yard.

My mum sent me a text saying, "I've got a funny game."

"What is it?" I replied.

She said, "For every text you send to me, you have to put 'you' at the end."

"That's the stupidest idea since...you!" I replied.

She said, "Son, what does MILF stand for?"

"I'm not falling for that." I added.

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What's Putin's favorite PornHub category?

MILFs, because he loves fucking Mother Russia

A young jock enters a pharmacy to buy condoms

Knowing the pharmacists is an old-fashioned gentleman and noticing a slight frown on his face, the young man decides to have some fun at his expenses by asking for another pack, remarking "you know, my girlfriend truly sounded thirsty last time I talked to her... Better be sure we don't run out!"...

Two rednecks from Alabama are sitting, drinking. . .

When one turns to the other & declares "I'm finally dating a geeeenuuuuine MILF!"

The other looks up & says: "Really, Jim Bob?"

"Yep!" Jim Bob replies. "She's fifteen but she only got 3 kids."

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Once I was at a bar meeting a beautiful woman in her mid 40's.

Nice body, blonde hair, looking very good, definitely a milf.

We started talking, when she suddenly asked if I would want to have sex with mother and daughter in a trio.

After a moment of doubt, I said 'Yes!'

We left the bar, drove at her place.

She openend the door an...

Local MILFs in your area want to contact you

Your mother called you

NSFW While I was sitting in the bar one night drinking alone

A stunner of a woman walked up to the bar sat down right next to me. A booty to die for and rack that hadn’t fallen yet, I couldn’t help taking a glance at her. She smiled back at me, and not in an unkindly way.

I asked if I could buy her the next drink. She accepted. We started talking. She ...

I finally know why people like eating out MILFs

They got the umami flavor

What did the Ancient Egyptians call a good lookin mummy?

a MILF

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2018 was the first year with teen porn stars born in a different millennium

2019 will be the first year with "milf" porn starts born in a different millennium

[NSFW] I like to wait outside hospitals

Because I like my MILFs fresh.

Three men are waiting in line in front of heaven's gates...

St. Peter is reviewing their cases. He signals the first man to step up:

"So how did you die?"

"Well, I was suspecting my wife was cheating on me, so I got home from work early to catch her in the act. I go into the apartment and find her naked in bed alone. I ask her 'Where is he?' Sh...

Do you know what I miss about my childhood?

Not caring about spelling and chocolate milf

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I encountered a milf at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little ...

What do you call a brothel that caters to obese people that are into MILFs?

A mom and pop shop.

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Pornhub Premium sucks

Ever since I got it there are no 40 years old milfs in my area looking to fuck.

The Mars rover has detected the first signs of life on Mars.

It seems that it has received signals from 'Hot MILFs in it's area'

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