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Mermaids Jokes

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The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

- Dad, are mermaids fish or women?

-It depends on if you are horny or hungry.

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They out grew their b-shells.

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

B shells aren’t big enough.

Mermaids shouldnt be called mermaids

they should be called hu-manatee

Mermaids

What do Mermaids use to clean their fins?

Tide

what do you call male mermaids?

sea men

How do mermaids give birth?

A sea section.

Where do mermaids go to watch movies?

The dive in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the most useless creature in existence?

Mermaids. You can neither eat them nor fuck them.

Why don’t mermaids use Bash?

Because they prefer a C-Shell.

What do mermaids smoke when they want to get high?

Sea weed.

Why do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Because it contains the active ingredient THSea.

How do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Water bongs.

You can say about mermaids whatever you want...

But every single one of them can speak their language fluently

Why do French people not trust mermaids?

Because that girl is poisson.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WALKS INTO A BAR... MERMAID SEX

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to ...

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

Because D-shells are too big and B- shells are too small.



*A random elderly woman just stopped in the street in front off where I was sitting and told me this. Awesome*

What do math and mermaids have in common?

They both have an alge-bra.

Why do drones get so many pictures of mermaids?

They're Ariel photographers

Be careful when you’re trying to get laid with a mermaid

She might have crabs.

How do mermaids have babies?

Sea-sections

What do mermaids wear to math class?

An algae-bra!

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