I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time

I think I've forgotten this before

I lost part of my hand in a freak accident that also gave me amnesia

I’m trying to remember what happened, but I can’t put my finger on it

I've got a fantastic joke about Amnesia

I always forget it for some reason, tho

Amnesia Austria

I wanted to tell my children about my visit to Austria’s capital city but I couldn’t remember it’s name.

I guess it meant nothing to me.

"What do we want!?" "A cure for amnesia!"...

"What did we want?"

I've been suffering from amnesia...

or was it dyslexia?


All I know is that I can't remember it and I sure as hell can't spell it.

The doctor told me I have either amnesia or insomnia

I can't remember which one and it's making me lose sleep!

Amnesia is no joke

Based on the content in this sub alone, at least 19 million people have it.

I have amnesia

It’s the only reason I find this sub consistently funny

Doctor: Sir, I think you are suffering from amnesia

Man: Yeah, and I think that girl over there likes me
Doc: Yeah, she's your wife

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.

If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you d...

A man with amnesia walks into a bar

He goes up to a very attractive woman and says’ “do I come here often?”

There's this joke I know about amnesia

I forgot it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

Elements of the periodic table are being interviewed

The interviewer asks Oxygen what they are. Oxygen says "I'm a gas."


The interviewer asks Copper what they are. Copper says "I'm a solid."


The interviewer asks Bromine what they are. Bromine says "I'm a liquid."


The interviewer asks Roentgenium what they are. Roentgen...

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existance of certain 80s bands..

there is no cure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the woman with amnesia who tried to masturbate?

She almost remembered how, but couldn't quite put her finger on it.

My friend with amnesia asked me why people didn't like him

I told him that he was always rude to people that were just trying to help, to which he responded:


"I don't remember asking."

Ah yes, I forgot it!

Sometimes I experience both amnesia and dejà vu at the same time, and I'm like:"Yep, I've forgotten this before ".

I had amnesia and can't figure out what a vacuum cleaner is supposed to do

It sucks

Best part of getting an amnesia

Finding tons of original jokes on reddit.

I think I'm addicted to amnesia-inducing drugs

I don't know how it got like this.

The farm animals got amnesia...

Cow: What noise do I make, Mr?

Me: Mooooo!

Pig: And what noise do I make?

Me: Oink Oink!

Cat: What about me?

Me: Ow.

You wanna know what's funny about amnesia?

Me too, I forgot the punchline.

A guy goes to the doctor to cure his amnesia

And asks, "doctor what should I do?"

Doctor replies, "pay me first."

I used to have terrible amnesia.

I used to have terrible amnesia.

One day, Rihanna has amnesia and can't remember anything. She's asked, "What do you think of Chris Brown?"

She replies: "Beats me".

Did you hear about the lady with breast cancer and amnesia?

She has mammary problems.

I've just been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia where I can't remember a small amount of 80's music bands.

Unfortunately there is no cure.

Amnesia

Damn I had something for this....

What is the Italian man's, with short term amnesia, favourite dessert?

Affogato!

I feel depressed because I've been diagnosed with amnesia today.

I guess tomorrow I'll be over it.

My mom says she dropped me as a baby and got temporary amnesia

What a liar I think I'd remember something so huge about my life.

An Italian man with spells of amnesia goes into a boutique coffee shop...

The barista asked what he wants, and he replies "Affogato".

An engineer had a sign in front of his clinic that said, "Medical consultation for only $50. If I can't make you better, I will pay you $100."

A doctor, knowing he can stump the engineer and wanting to get some cash, goes straight to the engineer. "Hey," he says. "I lost my sense of taste. I can't taste any food anymore."

The engineer takes a small bottle from his drawer, told the doctor to take his tongue out, and put 15 drops of t...

I think my wife is suffering from Bulimic Amnesia

She keeps eating and eating and eating, and then forgetting to throw up

Ive been stupid enough to develop amnesia...

I dont know what i was thinking .....



~~*ba dum tissss*~~

A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other.

They both got amnesia from the crash.

"Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused.

"Well, you're one such... with a short tail, long ears..."

"I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I'm a rabbit!"

"And what am I?" asked the skunk.

"Ah! Yes. You're one such hairy, smell...

Man walks into a restaurant

Waiter welcomes him and says:
"Hello sir, all our tables are full so you might have to wait for about 30 minutes".
"Do you know who I am?" the man replies.
"Oh, of course, I'm sorry, we'll get you a table anyways." says the waiter.

After the man has eaten his meal, waiter brings him...

Doctors have discovered that breast cancer may cause amnesia.

After all, mastectomy would result in mammary loss.

how can you tell if you have amnesia?

what was the question?

A man goes to a clinic for a checkup.

"Hello doc, I'm not feeling well, my head hurts, my stomach is aching,

I have loss weight, I also have difficulty in breathing." said the man.



"Hmm, When did you first notice these symptoms?" ask the doctor.



"I don't remember, Doc." the man answers dreadfully....

Pillow

My memory foam pillow has amnesia.

All my passwords are protected

by amnesia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went down to the basement but I can’t remember why...

I call this story Amnesia: The Dark Descent

What's it called when you forget you have knees?

Amnesia

A man jumps on a bed

A man jumps on a bed expecting it to be soft and fluffy...

\*Wham!\*
Instead he experienced a very firm landing.
\*Owww!\*
I think this memory foam has amnesia!

My doctor said I had a problem

He said I had amnesia or ummmmmmmm nvm I forgot

A kid asks his grandpa...

“When was the last time you had amnesia?”

He says back “I don’t remember”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Doctor posts an ad in the paper...

So... this Doctor posts an ad saying "I can cure any disease for $500. If I can't cure you, you get $1000."
So this fellow who is looking to make a quick buck figures, what the hell. Looking on the internet for a disease with no cure, he finds -Tastoritis- the inability to taste any food.
"Do...

Doctor: sir I have two bad diagnoses for you...

Doctor: sir I have two bad diagnoses for you, one is that you have worst diarrhoea I have ever seen.
Patient: what's the other one then?
Doctor: you also have very bad amnesia, you can't remember anything from last 15 seconds.
Patient: well at least I don't have diarrhoea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An amnesiac is introduced to his new Asian therapist. [LONG]

"Hello", says the Asian man, "My name is Wa-ching Yuu." The amnesiac speaks up, "I am not good with names, but I will try to remember." The man then takes a deep breath, and follows with "Oh dear," says the man, "I've forgotten your name..." The therapist reminds the man of his name and the man move...

Knock Knock

Bob: Knock Knock.
Joe: Who's there.
Bob: Amnesia.
Joe: Amnesia who.
Bob: Wait, what were we talking about.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy takes his wife to the doctor

after his wife has been consulting with the doctor for 10 minutes, the doctor asks the husband for a word in private.

Doctor explains to the woman's husband, "look, its one of two possibilities, but I'm not sure which one".

Confused, the husband asks "Well what are they then?"

"...

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