Amnesia is no joke

Based on the content in this sub alone, at least 19 million people have it.

"What do we want!?" "A cure for amnesia!"...

"What did we want?"

I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT AMNESIA IS!

oh wait I forgot

The doctor told me I have either amnesia or insomnia

I can't remember which one and it's making me lose sleep!

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My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

I've been suffering from amnesia...

or was it dyslexia?


All I know is that I can't remember it and I sure as hell can't spell it.

A man with amnesia walks into a bar

He goes up to a very attractive woman and says’ “do I come here often?”

There's this joke I know about amnesia

I forgot it

I have amnesia

It’s the only reason I find this sub consistently funny

Doctor: Sir, I think you are suffering from amnesia

Man: Yeah, and I think that girl over there likes me
Doc: Yeah, she's your wife

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existance of certain 80s bands..

there is no cure

Ever have amnesia and deja vu at the same time?

I think I've forgotten this before.

My friend with amnesia asked me why people didn't like him

I told him that he was always rude to people that were just trying to help, to which he responded:


"I don't remember asking."

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Did you hear about the woman with amnesia who tried to masturbate?

She almost remembered how, but couldn't quite put her finger on it.

I think I'm addicted to amnesia-inducing drugs

I don't know how it got like this.

The farm animals got amnesia...

Cow: What noise do I make, Mr?

Me: Mooooo!

Pig: And what noise do I make?

Me: Oink Oink!

Cat: What about me?

Me: Ow.

Best part of getting an amnesia

Finding tons of original jokes on reddit.

I had amnesia and can't figure out what a vacuum cleaner is supposed to do

It sucks

What did the arrogant rich kid with amnesia say to the bouncer at a bar?

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!

I used to have terrible amnesia.

I used to have terrible amnesia.

A guy goes to the doctor to cure his amnesia

And asks, "doctor what should I do?"

Doctor replies, "pay me first."

One day, Rihanna has amnesia and can't remember anything. She's asked, "What do you think of Chris Brown?"

She replies: "Beats me".

What is the Italian man's, with short term amnesia, favourite dessert?

Affogato!

Did you hear about the lady with breast cancer and amnesia?

She has mammary problems.

I've just been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia where I can't remember a small amount of 80's music bands.

Unfortunately there is no cure.

A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other.

They both got amnesia from the crash.

"Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused.

"Well, you're one such... with a short tail, long ears..."

"I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I'm a rabbit!"

"And what am I?" asked the skunk.

"Ah! Yes. You're one such hairy, smell...

Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you ar...

Amnesia

Damn I had something for this....

My mom says she dropped me as a baby and got temporary amnesia

What a liar I think I'd remember something so huge about my life.

Ive been stupid enough to develop amnesia...

I dont know what i was thinking .....



~~*ba dum tissss*~~

Pillow

My memory foam pillow has amnesia.

An engineer had a sign in front of his clinic that said, "Medical consultation for only $50. If I can't make you better, I will pay you $100."

A doctor, knowing he can stump the engineer and wanting to get some cash, goes straight to the engineer. "Hey," he says. "I lost my sense of taste. I can't taste any food anymore."

The engineer takes a small bottle from his drawer, told the doctor to take his tongue out, and put 15 drops of t...

I think my wife is suffering from Bulimic Amnesia

She keeps eating and eating and eating, and then forgetting to throw up

An Italian man with spells of amnesia goes into a boutique coffee shop...

The barista asked what he wants, and he replies "Affogato".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went down to the basement but I can’t remember why...

I call this story Amnesia: The Dark Descent

All my passwords are protected

by amnesia.

Doctors have discovered that breast cancer may cause amnesia.

After all, mastectomy would result in mammary loss.

What's it called when you forget you have knees?

Amnesia

My doctor said I had a problem

He said I had amnesia or ummmmmmmm nvm I forgot

A man jumps on a bed

A man jumps on a bed expecting it to be soft and fluffy...

\*Wham!\*
Instead he experienced a very firm landing.
\*Owww!\*
I think this memory foam has amnesia!

A kid asks his grandpa...

“When was the last time you had amnesia?”

He says back “I don’t remember”

Man walks into a restaurant

Waiter welcomes him and says:
"Hello sir, all our tables are full so you might have to wait for about 30 minutes".
"Do you know who I am?" the man replies.
"Oh, of course, I'm sorry, we'll get you a table anyways." says the waiter.

After the man has eaten his meal, waiter brings him...

What do you get from a forgetful cow?

Milk of Amnesia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Doctor posts an ad in the paper...

So... this Doctor posts an ad saying "I can cure any disease for $500. If I can't cure you, you get $1000."
So this fellow who is looking to make a quick buck figures, what the hell. Looking on the internet for a disease with no cure, he finds -Tastoritis- the inability to taste any food.
"Do...

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An amnesiac is introduced to his new Asian therapist. [LONG]

"Hello", says the Asian man, "My name is Wa-ching Yuu." The amnesiac speaks up, "I am not good with names, but I will try to remember." The man then takes a deep breath, and follows with "Oh dear," says the man, "I've forgotten your name..." The therapist reminds the man of his name and the man move...

Doctor: sir I have two bad diagnoses for you...

Doctor: sir I have two bad diagnoses for you, one is that you have worst diarrhoea I have ever seen.
Patient: what's the other one then?
Doctor: you also have very bad amnesia, you can't remember anything from last 15 seconds.
Patient: well at least I don't have diarrhoea.

A man walks into a restaurant and is told that there will be an estimated hour of waiting for a table

The man responds to this news by asking "Do you know who I am?"

Not recognizing him, the host immediately gives him the next available table in order to make it seem like he does.

"Does this table meet your expectations?" Says the host.

The man again replies "Do you know who I a...

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Guy takes his wife to the doctor

after his wife has been consulting with the doctor for 10 minutes, the doctor asks the husband for a word in private.

Doctor explains to the woman's husband, "look, its one of two possibilities, but I'm not sure which one".

Confused, the husband asks "Well what are they then?"

"...

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