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Measure Up Jokes

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job because the competition was stiff, and I just didn't measure up.

Porn is a hard job.

King Charles is the new ruler of England

He hopes he can measure up

I bought a cheap yardstick that can only be used flat on a table...

It really doesn't measure up.

When are protractors the same as calculators?

When they start counting but no matter the angle, protractors don't measure up.

I'm Thor!

One day, while looking upon the world from his perch high upon Valhalla, Thor is starting to feel his oats. To put it more bluntly, it's been a while since he's been laid.

He jumps down to earth and sees a comely farm girl. No words are spoken-- he just sweeps her off her feet and they make w...

Did you hear about the ruler factory that went out of business?

They just couldn’t measure up to the competition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three fourth grade boys get into a dick measuring contest...

The boys are white, black and Asian. They all three pull out their dongs and measure up. The winner ends up being the black dude by a long shot.

When the black boy goes home he goes up to his mom and says "mom! today I got into a contest with the boys where we measured our dicks and I won! Is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife complains she doesn't enjoy sex with husband because his penis is too small

aghast and offended the husband runs and gets a standard 12 inch ruler to measure up.
"Ha!" he cries "I knew it was big but I didn't know it was that big! 9 inches! look!"
the wife looks and says:
"you're holding the ruler upside down."

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