Why do apples avoid being seen with Martha Stewart?

to avoid suspicion of in-cider trading

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you make Martha Stewart scream twice?

Bang her in the butt then use the curtains to clean yourself off.

When Martha Stewart cooks it’s homemade...

When Kim Kardashian cooks it’s hoe-made.

What's the difference between Martha Stewart and NASA??

Martha Stewart teaches cooks and NASA cooks teachers

What is the title of Martha Stewart's culinary anthology?

"Cooking: The Books"

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...

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