UPJOKE
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A husband and wife were grocery shopping ...

A husband and wife were grocery shopping when the husband picked up a case of Budweiser and placed it in the cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asked the wife.

"It's on sale. Only $10 for a case," he replies.

"We can't afford it. Put it back," demands the wife. They continue s...

Do you know how to make 5 pounds of fat look beautiful?

Put a nipple on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was sitting in class and the teacher was going over how to use the word beautiful in a sentence.

He asked the class if anybody could use the word beautiful in a sentence. Little Jane put up her hand and said “today is a b-b-b-beautiful day“. Excellent said the teacher.

Little Sally put up her hand and said “my mom says I look beautiful in a summer dress“. Great job said the teacher.
...

A married couple on a tight budget were shopping in a supermarket. The husband picks up a case of beer and places it in their shopping cart...

The wife complained, "Put that back, we only have enough funds for essential items - not luxuries such as beer costing $20."

A little later while walking through the cosmetics aisle, the wife picks up a beauty cream and places it in the cart.

The husband says, "I thought we were on a t...

My wife walked into the house after a long day at work. She looked tired and stressed. I said, " Did anyone tell you, you look beautiful?"

She smiled and said, " No"

I said, "One day, one day"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 signs that you had one glass too many

1. All girls look beautiful. It doesn't matter if they have beards.

2. You can't use your fork because it has 1 tine and 4 handles.

3. Lights are out in the restroom. But it smells nice, and they have clothes hanging instead of toilet paper.

4. Someone called you an asshole. But...

Jimmy was watching his mum put on face cream. "What's that for?" he asked.

"It's to make me look beautiful," she told him.

After a couple of minutes she started to wipe it off.

"Oh," said Jimmy, "Giving up already?"

In the Store with my wife I saw a box of beer on offer for half price so I said can I have them? she said no, budget is tight, I said well you just bought lots of makeup, she replied, that is to make me look beautiful, I replied..

That is what the beer was for.

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