Edit: Wow, Thank you for the upvotes and also thanks for the award...
Looking Good
Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks.
At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years."
"Oh," said Mom, horrified. "I hope I didn't look like this 20 years ago."
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Wife is in ICU, things aren’t looking good.
During night shift, they are giving her nightly bed bath. As they are washing her lady parts, the nurses notice that her heart rate increases, breathing is getting deeper, blood pressure is holding steady.
So they come get me and tell me what happened. They say they have a crazy idea and thi...
"Hi Nancy! You're looking good!"
"Thanks Mr. President. Sorry I can't say the same about you."
"Well, you could if you lied like me."
I got some new glasses and I had someone say I am looking good!
Not sure how they know how well I can see out of my glasses but I appreciated the attention!
Three hunters are lost in the woods, and their prospects aren't looking good.
The three men have been trying to find their way out for hours, but none of the landmarks look familiar, and they're starting to get desperate. Finally, one man remembers his Boy Scout training and says, "Fire three shots in the air, and someone will come find us!"
So they fire three shots an...
True story: I'm at a music festival with my wife and she is looking good.
I convince her to go to the port-a-potties. I ask here how high do you think the floor is off the ground. She says "I don't know, 3 inches?". I seductively ask her if she would like to accompany me in to the port-a-pottie and Join the 3 inch club. She looks at me sarcastically and says......"Oh, I'...
Woman gets a tattoo
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instruc...
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