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Don't be so rough on China, they have some legitimate grievances

They've been oppressed by so many nations in the world: the Mongols, the Japanese, the Chinese...

Legitimate question, what's that canine constellation called?

[SIRIUS]

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3 men get drunk at a bar...

The first guy goes: "You know what? My arm is really small, like, really really small. I reckon it's legitimately the smallest arm in the world"

The second guy goes: "Come to think of it, my head is tiny, I think I have the smallest head in the world"

Third guy goes: "I've never told...

The prime Minister of Israel invited the Pope to a game of golf,

And since the Pope had no idea how to play, he convened the College of Cardinals to ask their advice. "Call Jack Nicklaus," they suggested, "and let him play in your place. Tell the Prime Minister that you're sick or something."

Honored by His Holiness's request, Nicklaus agreed to represent ...

Coworker: Why do bad guys always wear suspenders?

Me: So they don't get caught with their pants down.

(This happened a couple days ago, I was pretty proud. He legitimately was just asking the question)

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All people are either bastards or ...

... legitimately fucked up.

I work as a comedian in China, and the authorities are always vetting my material.

>!everythIng is Always Moderated wIthiN a Justified mAnner, precIse and Legitimate. !<

My humor is so dry...

I'm legitimately worried about stray fireworks this weekend.

The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up.

For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Not, not "Argh." Too obvious.

Not the "C" either. Everyone has heard that one.

"Without a P he's irate hahahahaha!" Blah blah blah. Nope.

Give up?

A letter of marque. It makes his profession semi legitimate, provides for a legal way to store his wealth in his homeland, an...

My doctor is very rude.

I went in with some legitimate concerns about my prostate and he just gave me the finger!

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A chemistry professor is giving his final exam...

... he says on the friday before the final, "If you miss the final you have to have a great excuse for missing the final next monday." Two students decide to study together all weekend so all friday night they study, all saturday morning and night they study, then they study all sunday morning and d...

What's the difference between Stevie Wonder and Drake?

Stevie has a legitimate reason why he hasn't seen his children.

Nikola Tesla was in trouble - he had not done his electrical studies assignment and his teacher was not happy...

His teacher asks, "well, where is it?".

Searching for a legitimate excuse, Tesla says, "I did it - but the dog ate my ohmwork".

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Winning an online argument with a grammar rule is like camping in an online shooter

If someone does it to you, they’re an ass. If you do it to someone else, it’s a legitimate strategy!

Why are they rioting in Ferguson?

Because they carefully and objectively reviewed the evidence from the trial and thought a legitimate injustice had been done.

Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf has for men.

Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!

Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?

Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions like, "Why did you hit the ball into th...

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