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Linked Jokes

I uninstalled Facebook as I got depressed seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage.

I uninstalled LinkedIn as I got depressed seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion.

I uninstalled instagram as I got depressed seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.

But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .

LinkedIn is like reverse dating site for IT nerds

They get a lot of messages from girls

But ignore most of them

Scientist recently linked a disease to women acting like a Karen.

It's mad cow disease.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.

"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.

"That...

LinkedIn is the worst dating app

All people want to talk about is work and what I plan on doing after graduation

What's the difference between LinkedIn and McDonald's?

McDonald's knows how to use salt

Study: Heredity and having children linked

A recent study suggests that if your parents didn't have any children you probably won't either.

Study Finds Birth Control Pills Linked to Fewer Severe Knee Injuries in Teen Girls...

This is easily explained by the fact that they spend less time on their knees, and more time on their backs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say a man's penis is linked to the size of the car he has... I've got a mini

That's why I drive a very big car

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Serious top linked post on /r/science made me laugh: "Giant methane storms on Uranus"

Original link: http://phys.org/news/2015-03-giant-methane-storms-uranus.html

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

One day TV is broadcasting about a gun shot in campus and the experts analyze that it is linked to the murder's massive time in playing violence video game.

Mum: No sense, my son is always playing dating sims and he still unable to find a girlfriend.

A black guy was pulled over in his Mercedes by the police. It was found that it was his, it was taxed and insured...

He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.

In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".

“meta” mates

Facebook employees are now > Metamates.
LinkedIn > Inmates.
Amazon > Primates.
Tinder > Intimates.
ServiceNow > Nowmates.
Snowflake > Snowmates.
Postmates > Postmatemates.

My debit card was declined at the local Marijuana dispencery today

Turns out the card was not linked to a joint account

I went into Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask. I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, its a coughy filter"...

(Not mine, saw it on LinkedIn)

I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

...and call it LinkedIn Park.

I'll show myself out now.

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