So the new guy is being shown around the offshore oil rig. And while being fascinated by the ship and machinery, he nervously asks the old-timer, "We're going to be out here for over month, and I don't see any women. Not one. What do we when we get horny?"
The old timer nods knowingly and ...
A famous professor is going around giving lectures. After he finishes one up in Denver, he climbs into his car and talks to his driver.
"Hey Bill, take me back to the hotel please"
"Yes sir. Ya know, Dr. Diller, I've heard your lecture so many times I bet I could recite it word for word"
"Oh, you really think so? Well, if I ever can't make it to a conference one day, I'll take you up on that bet."
Well, believe ...
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and and be glad that you are still alive?
I did, apparently this girl sitting next to me is really mad at me and I won't be allowed to sleep during lectures anymore.
A mother walrus is lecturing her child
wagging her flipper, she lectures "you shouldn't be selfish, after all it's walrUS, not walri.". The child walrus, thinking walrus was a Latin word, is naturally confused.
Back when Einstein was giving lectures to Universities, he traveled by car.
During one journey to a certain university, his driver remarked "Dr. Einstein, I have heard you deliver that lecture over 20 times. I know it by heart and I am certain I could give it myself."
Einstein thought for a bit and replied "Well, I'll give you the chance. They don't know me at the ne...
My wife has a contract to give lectures...
It's called a marriage license