UPJOKE
galahadguineveremordredgawainholy grailking arthurlady of the lakeiseultcamelotsir lancelotmaleagantfairyadulteryround tablearagorn

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One day, King Arthur had to leave Camelot to go for a diplomatic hunt. Worried about his wife's potential infidelity, he asks Merlin to fashion her a chastity belt...

Merlin assures the king that anything that is put through the hole in the chastity belt will be immediately cut off with magic.

Satisfied, King Arthur goes on his hunt. When he returns several days later, he immediately goes to the Knights of the Round Table and asks all of them to drop thei...

Sir Lancelot's Loyal Horse

As King Arthur leaves Kamelot for some important king business, Queen Guinevere sends a note to noble knight Lancelot inviting him to visit her at her chambers. Upon receiving the note, Lancelot rejoices, kisses the paper and harries to his Loyal Horse.

'My friend and comrade' - says Lancelo...

A candle fell deeply in love with Sir Lancelot

but he preferred darkness, so she went out for the knight

What happened when Sir Lancelot met Arthur's queen, Guinevere?

He Camelot.

Lancelot and Galahad walk into a Travelodge.

Lancelot says, "We'd like a room for two knights, please."

Lancelot!

Lancelot, the chief knight of King Arthur, wanted to spend some time with Queen Guinevere. He couldn't, however, get her away from Arthur, so he calls Merlin the wizard to help him.

"I want to be with the Queen, help me"

So Merlin pours some itchy powder in her underwear. Soon, the Que...

Arthur and Lancelot went to the inn and rented a room for 2 knights.

Arthur slept in a king sized bed, Lancelot took the queen.

King Arthur is on a mission and must leave the castle.

He worries that his wife, Queen Guinevere, may not stay faithful to him while he goes on his journey. So, he devises a belt that would poison the member of any man who attempts to have intercourse with her. The flesh will rot away, and it will need to be chopped off. With everything in place, he lea...

Sir Lancelot comes into a hotel...

... and makes a reservation for one night.

What did King Arthur say when asked about Lancelot's betrayal?

"I don't want to talk about it, I've had a bad knight."


Bonus joke:

Why should you hire submariners?

They have experience working under pressure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

King Arthur goes on a crusade

But is worried about his wife having sex with other men. So he goes to a locksmith and asks:

-Hello my dear friend you see I'm heading out for a crusade and I'm worried about my wife's purity.

-Say no more my king I think I have just right thing for your sorrows. Look this my latest ...

Why was Sir Lancelot too tired to jump over the moat?

He didn't get a good knight's leap.


Wakka wakka!

Story with a moral

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out t...

I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...

I was Nun the Wiser.

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Guinevere. The belt contained a miniature guillotine.

Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down.

One by one, he went to each knight and shook his hea...

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King Arthur leaves the country to go to war

Before leaves he goes to the town's blacksmith and orders him to do a chastity belt for the queen with the logic of the guillotine. Before leaving he tells his trusted friend and adviser , sir Lancelot, to bring the court together and inform everyone of this.

When the king returns he tells si...

King Arthur has set on his noble mission to drive away the barbarians

Before he left , he called his close friend,Sir Lancelot.

"My bride Guinevere is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to u...

The court jester decided to play a prank

So he got a bucket of coal dust from the blacksmith and rigged it over a doorway.

Soon enough Sir Lancelot walks up in his shiniest silver armor. He'd spent the entire morning polishing it to a mirror finish. As soon as he walks through the doorway, a trip wire dumps the bucket of coal dust ...

King Arthur

King Arthur is heading off to war, but he’s a bit worried about Guinevere alone in the castle with some rowdy knights. So he goes to Merlin who shows him a chastity belt. The problem is it has a large hole in the most important spot. “This won’t work,” he says. Just then Merlin takes a stick and...

The Queen and the Chastity Belt

One day, King Arthur had to leave the kingdom for an extended period. He took his most trusted knight, Lancelot, aside for a moment.
"Lancelot, I fear Guinevere is not entirely faithful to me. Therefore, I have placed a chastity belt upon her. Now I entrust you alone with the key", and wi...

King Arthur must depart to the battlefield.

He requests that the Knights of the Round Table remained within the castle walls in order to protect its citizens should an attack arise. Skeptical of his Queen's loyalty, and the men's self-control, the King asks Merlin to cast a spell on her.

*Should anyone lie with this woman in bed,
th...

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