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Koala Bear Jokes

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A koala bear is smoking a blunt in a tree

A lizard comes along and says “what are you doing?”. The koala bear says “I’m getting high man”. The lizard responds “what do you mean?”…. Rather than explain it to the lizard the koala bear convinces him to partake of the blunt.

Shortly after partaking, the lizard says to the koala “dude my ...

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So a koala bear walks into a brothel.

He picks out the best looking girl, and heads upstairs with her. While up there, he eats her out like a madman, doing things she's never even heard of. After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.

The girl stops him and demands payment.

The koala doesn't understand. She has him l...

Why aren't koala bears actual bears?

because they don’t meet the koalafications.

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A Koala bear walks into a bar...

He's sitting at the bar and hitting on women all night but can't get anyone to express interest in him. Finally near closing time an attractive woman pays attention to him. She explains that she's a hooker and is willing to give him a try. They have a few drinks and walk back to her place nearby. Th...

A koala bear breaks free from the Central Park Zoo…

He’s walking down the street when he encounters a hooker. The hooker asks, “Hey, looking for a good time?”. The koala nods in agreement and off they go to a hotel.

The two have an intimate time, and when the koala bear is done he starts to head to the door. As he reaches for the door handle...

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Koala bear picks up a prostitute at a bar....

So this Koala is at a bar. He picks up this prostitute and they go to a motel. The koala tries to sneak out of the motel room before the prostitute wakes up. As he opens the door, the prostitute wakes up and says "where do you think you're going? You haven't paid me yet". The koala refuses to pay, s...

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A koala bear and a hooker...

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight. She has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion....

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A koala bear breaks in to a prostitutes home,

And starts to perform oral sex on her. He does his thing and when he is done he jumps up and heads for the door. The prostitute stops him and demands pay. The koala bear is bewildered. So she grabs a dictionary and opens it up to prostitute. Under the heading the find "a woman or man who sells sex f...

A koala bear is smoking a joint...

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint, When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while...

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Koala bear and a prostitute

A Koala bear decided to visit a prostitute.
They got a hotel room and got undressed.
The Koala bear went down on the prostitute for about 30 minutes and then got up and got up and headed towards the door.
The prostitute said, "Hey, what about my money!" The koala bear was confused and sai...

Why couldn't the koala bear get the job at the bank?

Because he didn't have the koala-fications.

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The rare talking koala bear was lost in transit..

From Austrailia to the New York zoo. He wandered down a back alley and saw a sexy lady in heels and a short skirt smoking a cigarette.

She was shocked when he asked her for one of her cigarettes. "Omg you can talk?"

After talking she invited him inside and before she knew it he was u...

What do Cuban Koala bears eat?

Yucalyptus

Did you hear about the Koala bear who was thrown out of the Koala bear contest?

He was dis-koala-fied

I was on an Australian tour, and handled a koala bear. The trainer told me to wash my hands, as koala bears are known to have chlamydia.

In all honesty, the koala should probably wash *his* hands.

What do you call Tea made with weed and koala bears?

A High Koala Tea Beverage.

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A koala bear was in the mood for some oral sex...

so he hired a prostitute. She took him to her room, and opened her legs, and let him go to town.

After a while, the koala bear jumped up, and started to waddle out the room.

"Honey, aren't you forgetting something?" the girl asks him.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, honey, I'...

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A Koala walks into a bar...

A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a BLT sandwich. The Koala eats the BLT sandwich, gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, and proceeds to walk out of the bar. The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "Hey, who do you think you are, you...

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A Prostitute Walks Into a Bar

A prostitute walks into a bar. She spots a koala bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the koala bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the koala gets up and wanders towards the door.

"HEY! Where are you going?" yells the ...

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Australian Koala and a British Prostitute

A koala bear from Australia took a holiday in London to experience a different culture. After arriving at Heathrow and getting settled in at his hotel, the koala bear decided to take a walk.

After touring Soho for a few hours he noticed several women on the side of the street strutting...

I’m tired of people saying bears are like humans and that’s why you should care about the polar icecaps melting.

If bears were like humans they would be fine. The polar bears would steal land from the grizzly bears, have all the panda bears build them railroads. Send all the koala bears to Australia, all the gummy bears to San Francisco they’ll be fine. They’re start a country called Bearica and have a half bl...

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A little lizard is walking along a tree branch...

Something wonderful hit his nostrils. It was unlike anything he had ever smelled before. He followed the scent to another branch where he saw his friend, the Koala Bear, smoking the fattest joint he had ever seen.

"Damn, K-Bear, that's the dankest weed I've ever smelled!" said the lizard....

So this black bear walked into a restaurant...

So this black bear walks into a restaurant. Ok, wait, I know what you’re thinking, why’s it have to be a BLACK bear? Ok, fine, it was a brown bear... no wait... that still won’t work. Polar bear? Maybe a grizzly bear, though, I guess technically that’s still brown. You know what, it doesn’t matter. ...

People tend to give teddy bears as gifts for Valentine's Day.

The standard teddy or panda bears seem popular this year. I've got my girlfriend a koala bear because she loves them.

Plus, I don't know a better way to tell her that I've got chlymidia.

Koale who smokes weed

Long time ago there was a Koala. Sitting on top of his tree where he's always chilling. But today it's different. He is bored as f*ck. So out of boredom he rolled a blunt,

After smoking for like 5 minutes, a lizzard shows up passing by the tree. "Wait, I know that smell. Hey! Watcha doing?" h...

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