Kilos Jokes

There'd be mass confusion.

That's great news, son.

Not according to my Colombian friends.

Only 15 more to go.

The cashier responds, "Sorry, we only sell kilos now."

"Ah, too bad. Three pounds of kilos, then."

Eric Clapton would never let 4 kilos of cocaine fall out of a 49th-story window.

A Billigraham

and walk out with several kilos of fruits, a loaf of bread meat, cheese, milk and much more.

Nowadays, there are surveillance cameras everywhere.

Cocaine

“If this continues, I think I might have to go there and see what the hell is wrong”

Because the package says "up to 10 kilos".

Asks for a pound of tomatoes.

The grocer says, "we call them kilos over here."

The man replies "fine, a pound of kilos then."

He ask him:

\+ Do sheep give a lot of wool?

\- Which? the white or the black ones?

The surprised hiker tells him:

\+ Well, the white ones.

\- About seven kilos of wool per season.

\+ And the black ones?

\- Seven kilos as well.

\+ And do... read more

He asks the man working the counter for three pounds of potatoes. The worker says, "Mate, we use kilos nowadays."
The man shrugs and says, "Fine, three pounds of kilos, then."

Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "just in case".... read more

The officer said " you've been swerving all over the road, have you had anything to drink?"
"Yes" I answered, "but only two light beers"
As he saw the two empty kegs in the back he said "those don't look like two light beers!"
I replied "perhaps you should work out, they're only about 16 ki... read more

That the Feds confiscated a load of 2x4's buried in kilos of cocaine.

Wife: Honey I lost 2 kilos!

Husband: Don't celebrate yet you don't have your makeup on.

I gained 5 kilos and lost 70 pounds

The cop comes over to the window and asks the man, "What's the rush?"
"Well, you see I a body in the trunk and I wanna bury it ASAP before it stinks up the place," Answers the man.
The cop confused, "Why is there a body in the trunk?"
"Well, I wanted to buy 3 kilos of heroin and the other g... read more

I'd come back with a sack of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 liters of milk, 2 kilos of flour plain and self-raising AND have a pocket full of candy. You can't do that anymore. These days there are too many security cameras.

Three boys were having an argument about who's dad is the best of them. The first boy said:
-My dad is a prince and everyone greets him saying Your highness.
The second boy said:
-Well my dad is the king and everyone greets them saying My king.
The third boy said:
-WELL MY DAD WEIGHT... read more

The Russian minister of defence calls Boris Morozov, the best spy in Russia, to infiltrate the American army and find out why they excel so much in combat.

"Understood" says Boris. " I will infiltrate the US army for a year and then I will come back to motherland with findings"

And so... read more