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Darth Jokes

(from my 11 yo) What does Darth Vader say after cutting someone's head off with a lightsaber?

"I find your lack of face disturbing."

How does Darth Vader manage to eat through that mask?

He's force fed.

Everyone knows about Darth Vader, but very few people talk about his wife.

Ella wasn’t great at conquering planets but she did make it easier to navigate the Death Star.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Darth Vader so famous?

He was the first black man to admit he is the father.

Did you know Darth Vader’s cousin lives in Switzerland and drives a cab?

He’s called ‘Taxi Vader’

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presence.

you ever hear about Darth Vader's other daughter, Ella Vader?

She's really going up in the world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know that Darth Vader isn't a black man underneath the mask?

He claims to be your father.

What is Darth Vader’s favorite month?

Imperial March

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are about to engage in a lightsaber duel, when Vader suddenly whispers, "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Luke ignores him and continues to prepare for the fight.

Vader whispers again, "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Luke lowers from his attack stance and asks, "Ok, what are you going on about?"



Vader says, "I can sense your presents."

You know Darth Vader actually did get married.

Even though he’s kind of a downer she’s much more uplifting… her name is Ella

My friends 10 yo daughter made this up while in the elevator today: "Did you know Darth Vader has another daughter?"

Mom: "No, who?"
Daughter: "Ella, Ella Vader."

Darth Vader walks into a record store

Darth Vader walks into a record store and asks if they have a copy of George Michael's first studio album. The clerk says they are sold out, to which Vader responds - I find your lack of Faith disturbing!

They put a model of young Darth Vader in the wax museum…

…actually it was Mannequin Skywalker.

If Darth Vader was frozen in Carbonite

He would be Mannaquin Skywalker

i just learned that Darth Vader loved watching silly comedies.

May the farce be with you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

You know Darth Maul from Star Wars?

He's only half the man he used to be.

1 My kid’s made up Star Wars joke: What does Darth Vader exhale?

Carbon Darkside

How does Darth Vader greet visitors to Disneyland?

Welcome to the Park side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit?

Because the sith always comes in pears

Darth Vader could never find love....

He was looking in Alderaan places.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is P0rnhubs number 1 user Darth Maul?

(I’m gonna get banned for this) Because he’s really horny

Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader?

Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.

Say what you will about Darth Vader

But his sister Ella really takes things to another level.

Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves...

Apparently they are a choking hazard.

What does Thanos, Nike, and Darth Sidious have in common?

Just Do It

(would also accept uses young children to complete goals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Met a prostitute who said she'll do anything for $50...

Guess who just got Darth Vader unlocked...

What happens when Darth Vader sneezes?

George Lucas yells "Cut!"

What did Darth Vader say under the tree?

Luke... I feel your presents...

My sister just told this to me, and I genuinely laughed at it so I thought it belonged here!

A disturbing but true story about me

When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.

When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Darth Vader takes a trip to the clinic after having unprotected sex. What did his test results come back positive for?

Sithilis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Darth Vader prefer coarse-grain pepper?

He hates it when it's high ground.

Trump is Darth Vader's cousin!

Tax E. Vader.

Official Darth Maul action figure on sale now!

50% off

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis, the wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life. He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared ab...

I met Darth Vader’s wife at the mall yesterday.

Nice gal, her names’s Ella.

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.

But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.

Why does Darth Vader's breathing sound so angry?

He is just venting...

Where does Darth Vader buy his clothes?

At the Death Store

What’s Darth Vader favourite measurement system?

The Imperial System

How does Darth Vadar like his men?

A little on the dark side

What's Darth Vader's least favorite temperature?

Luke warm.

^^im ^^sorry

When James Earl Jones auditioned for Darth Vader, George Lucas told him he had to have a Mid-Atlantic accent.

So, he went and bought a scuba air tank, and the rest is history.

Why did Darth Vader cross the road?

To feel the power of the dark side

Early in the development of the Clone Wars show the writers wanted Obi Wan to forgive Darth Mail for killing his master and befriend him.

They decided to let Qui-Gons be bygones.

Joke For Darth

What is the difference between the first fight between Vader and Kenobi and the second?

Obi-wan then Obi lost.

Why did Darth Vader kill the craftsmen for not using varnish to finish his wood death star project?

Because his lacquer faith was disturbing.

Darth Vader comes in to a French bakery and orders 3 loafes of bread and two apple pies.

Pain pain pain, Tarte Tatin, Tarte Tatin.

What first tipped Darth Vader off about the Millennium Falcon?

He found their lack of freight disturbing

^^May ^^the ^^Fourth ^^be ^^with ^^you!

What did Darth Vader say when he sensed Luke for the first time?

"I have a dad feeling about this."

If Darth Vader said "Nothing's gonna stop us now" instead of "There will be no one to stop us this time..."

Would that make him Mannequin Skywalker?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What instrument does Darth Vader play?

The rebel bass.

What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady?

Darth Vader probably gets high fived

What’s Darth Vader’s stage name when he plays his electric piano?

The synth lord

Why doesn't Darth Vader like to eat Ewoks?

He thinks they're a little Chewie.

Darth Vader asked the Emperor how many pizzas he should get...

Palpatine: order 66...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Darth Vader?

Since I was little people asked why did I want to be Darth Vader. Easy, I wanna be a villain so I can saunter everywhere. Luke is always sprinting somewhere, always running, always sweaty and on the move. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Fuck no, and I ain’t about to either.

I know when and where Darth Vader died

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Why does Darth Sidious have a drinking problem?

Because only Siths drink in Absoluts.

What do you call a sick Darth Vader?

Barf Vader

-Courtesy of my 6 year old nephew.

What’s Darth Maul’s favourite alcoholic beverage?

*Qui-Gon* Gin

What did Darth Vader say when he saw his old droid choosing Luke over him?

"E tu, D2?"

What’s Darth Vader’s favorite dessert?

*coooooo*

*kieeeee*

Why is Darth Vader's helmet so phallic?

...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.

How does Darth Vader take his coffee?

You would think black right? But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I heard Darth Vader's suit was really expensive.

It must have cost him an arm and a leg.

Where does Darth Vader go shopping?

At the Darth Mall.

What is Darth Vader's favorite snack?

(Breathe heavy for effect)

"Coooo-Keees"

Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke)

Darth Braider



(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)

What did Darth Vader do when his iTunes stopped responding?

He force quit.

So Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are locked in their final showdown...

...light sabers are flashing, the balance is delicate, but suddenly Luke knocks Darth's weapon away. As it's skidding out of reach, Luke moves in for the final blow. Quickly, Darth holds up a hand and says "Luke, wait! I need to tell you something". Luke, sensing a trap, asks why he should do such a...

How do we know that Darth Vader is American?

Because he marches to the Imperial March and not the Metric March

What do you call a shopping center for Sith lords?

A Darth mall.

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