UPJOKE
heraposeidondemeterhadeshephaestusdionysusjupiterpersephoneathenagreek mythologyaphroditeartemishermesaresapollo

What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

Zeus entered the cooking contest

I heard he cooked up a storm

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I can sum up Greek Mythology in three words.

Zeus got horny!

What do you call it when Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon band together to fix a computer?

The Greek Squad

What do you call a son of Zeus with a bad cold?

A Phlegmigod

Jesus and Zeus walk into a bar

Everyone inside yells "Hey Zeus!"

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Why does Zeus make terrible pizza?

Because he doesn’t know when to pull out...

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Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

What does Zeus wear under his robe?

Thunderwear

What did the King of the Underworld say when Zeus gave him a gift he didn't like?

I hades.

With Zeus being quite the prolific fornicator, it was only natural he ended up getting an STI

Poor guy got the Thunder Clap

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I am a modern day Zeus....

I am not strong or godlike, I am just constantly horny.

A conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Zeus walks out into a field during a thunderstorm wearing his tinfoil hat to test his theory.

Needless to say, he was shocked when he learned the truth.

Why did Zeus shut off the gas when a goddess was out for a jog?

Because Demeter was running

There were rumours spreading that Zeus has been cheating on his wife with other women

But it was all just Hera-say

What did Zeus pick as Mount Olympus’ national anthem?

Greeced Lightning.

Contrary to popular belief, the fastest man alive is actually Zeus

because with his lightning powers he's Using Bolt

One day the Roman god Jupiter received a forwarded email from Zeus.

“I wouldn’t open the attachment,” warned Jupiter’s son, Mercury. “Beware of Greeks bearing gifs.”

How do you call a war between Zeus and Raiden?

Blitzkrieg

I had a dream last night...

In my dream I was watching a band play. Buddha was playing guitar, Jesus was playing bass, Mohammed was singing, and Zeus was playing the drums. After the show, Zeus came down and gave me a large metal disc. I think it was a cymbal from god.

What was Zeus" specialty in medical school?

Surge-ery

What did Zeus say to Athena when she cracked out of his head in full armor?

Girl, you are really getting on Minerva.

What would Zeus’s car be called?

Greece Lightning

Christians say "Jesus"

Ancient Greek women say "Hey Zeus"

What did Zeus say to Narcissus?

"You better watch yourself."

The goddess Athena was so great

Even Zeus was open minded when she was born

A man is in peril, he’s just robbed a cheese shop...

And the police are closing in. From his pockets, he dumps all the Gruyere, all of the Cotswald, all of the Petit Basque. As he flees, chunks of Manchego and Ossau Iraty fly from his pockets... he flings the Roquefort, but it breaks up in his pocket and is sticky... he can’t get it out. He is stuck, ...

Poseidon, God of the Sea, wanted to take one day off...

"Zeus" he says, "I'm tired of this whole 'God of the Sea' business."

Zeus says he can take a day off and give his powers, for just one day, to the first animal he sees when he goes ashore.

He puts his powers into a sheep.

Suddenly, the sheep levitates, and walks out into the s...

An Atheist Walks Into A Bar...

An Atheist walks into a bar with God, Thor, and Zeus.

The bartender looks at him and says

"Drinking alone again, I see..."

An expert in Greek mythology walks into a bar...

Then he suddenly sees stars spinning around to form shapes, and he feels as if he’s been struck by Zeus’s lightning. Then, while collapsed on the ground, he sees Zeus himself staring down at him. A day later, he wakes up in a hospital bed to see a doctor looking at him.

“Why did that happen...

An Englishman, a Russian and a Greek guy are on the same flight, sitting next to eachother

When they are flying over England, the Englishman says, "England is the best country, check out how well they handle this." he drops a sword out of the window.

When they are flying over Russia, the Russian says, "Mother Russia is the best country, look how efficiently we deal with this." he ...

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All divine beings gather for an emergency meeting

The gods take their time, but one by one everyone is in attendance around a long, dark table on a well-lit cloud.

Yahweh is at the head of the table, simply dressed and glowing. Satan sat at the other end, dressed in a casual suit and a trench coat, a cigarette in hand.

**Yahweh:** O...

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[REQUEST] Your favorite long, maybe a bit TOO long, but worth it joke.

Every day I read the bounty of /jokes, and maybe once a month I see a new one. It fills me with such joy. Also, I work with this amazing fellow who tells these 20 minute jokes, and I am almost out of return-fire ammunition.


See, I love long jokes, story jokes, and there seems to be a pauc...

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The whole Greek Mythology could be summed up in one line............

"Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling a bit too horny."

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Gods on vacation

The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Allah said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Ea...

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