What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

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I am a modern day Zeus....

I am not strong or godlike, I am just constantly horny.

Jesus and Zeus walk into a bar

Everyone inside yells "Hey Zeus!"

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Why does Zeus make terrible pizza?

Because he doesn’t know when to pull out...

Zeus entered the cooking contest

I heard he cooked up a storm

What do you call a son of Zeus with a bad cold?

A Phlegmigod

There were rumours spreading that Zeus has been cheating on his wife with other women

But it was all just Hera-say

With Zeus being quite the prolific fornicator, it was only natural he ended up getting an STI

Poor guy got the Thunder Clap

What did the King of the Underworld say when Zeus gave him a gift he didn't like?

I hades.

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Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

The goddess Athena was so great

Even Zeus was open minded when she was born

Why did Zeus shut off the gas when a goddess was out for a jog?

Because Demeter was running

Contrary to popular belief, the fastest man alive is actually Zeus

because with his lightning powers he's Using Bolt

An expert in Greek mythology walks into a bar...

Then he suddenly sees stars spinning around to form shapes, and he feels as if he’s been struck by Zeus’s lightning. Then, while collapsed on the ground, he sees Zeus himself staring down at him. A day later, he wakes up in a hospital bed to see a doctor looking at him.

“Why did that happen...

A conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Zeus walks out into a field during a thunderstorm wearing his tinfoil hat to test his theory.

Needless to say, he was shocked when he learned the truth.

I had a dream last night...

In my dream I was watching a band play. Buddha was playing guitar, Jesus was playing bass, Mohammed was singing, and Zeus was playing the drums. After the show, Zeus came down and gave me a large metal disc. I think it was a cymbal from god.

One day the Roman god Jupiter received a forwarded email from Zeus.

“I wouldn’t open the attachment,” warned Jupiter’s son, Mercury. “Beware of Greeks bearing gifs.”

What does Zeus wear under his clothes?

Thunderwear.

An Atheist Walks Into A Bar...

An Atheist walks into a bar with God, Thor, and Zeus.

The bartender looks at him and says

"Drinking alone again, I see..."

What was Zeus" specialty in medical school?

Surge-ery

What did Zeus say to Athena when she cracked out of his head in full armor?

Girl, you are really getting on Minerva.

What would Zeus’s car be called?

Greece Lightning

A man is in peril, he’s just robbed a cheese shop...

And the police are closing in. From his pockets, he dumps all the Gruyere, all of the Cotswald, all of the Petit Basque. As he flees, chunks of Manchego and Ossau Iraty fly from his pockets... he flings the Roquefort, but it breaks up in his pocket and is sticky... he can’t get it out. He is stuck, ...

An Englishman, a Russian and a Greek guy are on the same flight, sitting next to eachother

When they are flying over England, the Englishman says, "England is the best country, check out how well they handle this." he drops a sword out of the window.

When they are flying over Russia, the Russian says, "Mother Russia is the best country, look how efficiently we deal with this." he ...

According to Hesiod version, Orion was likely the son of the sea-god Poseidon and Euryale.

Orion could walk on the waves because of his father; he walked to the island of Chios where he got drunk and attacked Merope, daughter of Oenopion, the ruler there. In vengeance, Oenopion blinded Orion and drove him away. Orion stumbled to Lemnos where Hephaestus—the smith-god—had his forge. Hephaes...

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Greek mythology in 3 words

Zeus got horny

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[REQUEST] Your favorite long, maybe a bit TOO long, but worth it joke.

Every day I read the bounty of /jokes, and maybe once a month I see a new one. It fills me with such joy. Also, I work with this amazing fellow who tells these 20 minute jokes, and I am almost out of return-fire ammunition.


See, I love long jokes, story jokes, and there seems to be a pauc...

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Gods on vacation

The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Allah said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Ea...

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The whole Greek Mythology could be summed up in one line............

"Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling a bit too horny."

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Thor's first time with a mortal woman

Thor was bored with Valhalla so one day he decided to visit the Greek gods on Mt Olympus.

Well him and Zeus hit it off, and after more than a few drinks, Thor confessed to Zeus that he'd never done any mortal women, like Zeus was famous for doing.

So Zeus says - oh you'd better get rig...

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