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Zeus Jokes

What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

Zeus entered the cooking contest

I heard he cooked up a storm

What does Zeus wear under his clothes?

Thunderwear.

What do you call a son of Zeus with a bad cold?

A Phlegmigod

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Why does Zeus make terrible pizza?

Because he doesn’t know when to pull out...

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Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

What do you call it when Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon band together to fix a computer?

The Greek Squad

With Zeus being quite the prolific fornicator, it was only natural he ended up getting an STI

Poor guy got the Thunder Clap

Why did Zeus shut off the gas when a goddess was out for a jog?

Because Demeter was running

A conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Zeus walks out into a field during a thunderstorm wearing his tinfoil hat to test his theory.

Needless to say, he was shocked when he learned the truth.

What was Zeus" specialty in medical school?

Surge-ery

What did Zeus say to Atlas?

Hold up.

What did Zeus pick as Mount Olympus’ national anthem?

Greeced Lightning.

Poseidon, Zeus, and Hades sit down for a drink.

They know that, because of those pesky humans, it will be their last meeting in a long time. Zeus is attempting to combat climate change, Poseidon is dealing with rampant pollution and rising sea levels, and Hades needs to update his infrastructure to deal with the massive influx of souls after WW3....

There were rumours spreading that Zeus has been cheating on his wife with other women

But it was all just Hera-say

I had a dream last night...

In my dream I was watching a band play. Buddha was playing guitar, Jesus was playing bass, Mohammed was singing, and Zeus was playing the drums. After the show, Zeus came down and gave me a large metal disc. I think it was a cymbal from god.

Jesus and Zeus walk into a bar

Everyone inside yells "Hey Zeus!"

What did the King of the Underworld say when Zeus gave him a gift he didn't like?

I hades.

Hercules returned after his most recent adventure in the city of Molione...

Hercules returned after his most recent adventure in the city of Molione where he defeated the demigod brothers, Eurytos and Kteatos, who were siamese twins and had the strength of 2 demigods.

At the temple, Hercules spoke to his father Zeus and asked him why he had to slay them when the gods...

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I am a modern day Zeus....

I am not strong or godlike, I am just constantly horny.

What did Zeus say to Narcissus?

"You better watch yourself."

How do you call a war between Zeus and Raiden?

Blitzkrieg

What did Zeus say to Athena when she cracked out of his head in full armor?

Girl, you are really getting on Minerva.

Contrary to popular belief, the fastest man alive is actually Zeus

because with his lightning powers he's Using Bolt

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Greek mythology in 3 words

Zeus got horny

An Atheist Walks Into A Bar...

An Atheist walks into a bar with God, Thor, and Zeus.

The bartender looks at him and says

"Drinking alone again, I see..."

The goddess Athena was so great

Even Zeus was open minded when she was born

Christians say "Jesus"

Ancient Greek women say "Hey Zeus"

After fighting off waves of attacks by the Spartans, Paris went to visit with Helen

But alas, she was not very happy.

“What is wrong, my love?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on, my love, I sacrificed so much for you, so you must divulge why you’re not happy.” He pleaded.

“It’s nothing.”

“I’m pleading with you! I will defeat the whole spartan army and Ach...

What did Hera say to her husband when he asked if it was okay to sleep with other women?

Are Zeus serious?

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Thor's first time with a mortal woman

Thor was bored with Valhalla so one day he decided to visit the Greek gods on Mt Olympus.

Well him and Zeus hit it off, and after more than a few drinks, Thor confessed to Zeus that he'd never done any mortal women, like Zeus was famous for doing.

So Zeus says - oh you'd better get rig...

According to Hesiod version, Orion was likely the son of the sea-god Poseidon and Euryale.

Orion could walk on the waves because of his father; he walked to the island of Chios where he got drunk and attacked Merope, daughter of Oenopion, the ruler there. In vengeance, Oenopion blinded Orion and drove him away. Orion stumbled to Lemnos where Hephaestus—the smith-god—had his forge. Hephaes...

An expert in Greek mythology walks into a bar...

Then he suddenly sees stars spinning around to form shapes, and he feels as if he’s been struck by Zeus’s lightning. Then, while collapsed on the ground, he sees Zeus himself staring down at him. A day later, he wakes up in a hospital bed to see a doctor looking at him.

“Why did that happen...

A man is in peril, he’s just robbed a cheese shop...

And the police are closing in. From his pockets, he dumps all the Gruyere, all of the Cotswald, all of the Petit Basque. As he flees, chunks of Manchego and Ossau Iraty fly from his pockets... he flings the Roquefort, but it breaks up in his pocket and is sticky... he can’t get it out. He is stuck, ...

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All divine beings gather for an emergency meeting

The gods take their time, but one by one everyone is in attendance around a long, dark table on a well-lit cloud.

Yahweh is at the head of the table, simply dressed and glowing. Satan sat at the other end, dressed in a casual suit and a trench coat, a cigarette in hand.

**Yahweh:** O...

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The whole Greek Mythology could be summed up in one line............

"Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling a bit too horny."

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Gods on vacation

The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Allah said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Ea...

An Englishman, a Russian and a Greek guy are on the same flight, sitting next to eachother

When they are flying over England, the Englishman says, "England is the best country, check out how well they handle this." he drops a sword out of the window.

When they are flying over Russia, the Russian says, "Mother Russia is the best country, look how efficiently we deal with this." he ...

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[REQUEST] Your favorite long, maybe a bit TOO long, but worth it joke.

Every day I read the bounty of /jokes, and maybe once a month I see a new one. It fills me with such joy. Also, I work with this amazing fellow who tells these 20 minute jokes, and I am almost out of return-fire ammunition.


See, I love long jokes, story jokes, and there seems to be a pauc...

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