What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

There were rumours spreading that Zeus has been cheating on his wife with other women

But it was all just Hera-say

Zeus entered the cooking contest

I heard he cooked up a storm

What does Zeus use when he gets cold at night?

Cloud cover

What did the King of the Underworld say when Zeus gave him a gift he didn't like?

I hades.

With Zeus being quite the prolific fornicator, it was only natural he ended up getting an STI

Poor guy got the Thunder Clap

What did Zeus pick as Mount Olympus’ national anthem?

Greeced Lightning.

A man is in peril, he’s just robbed a cheese shop...

And the police are closing in. From his pockets, he dumps all the Gruyere, all of the Cotswald, all of the Petit Basque. As he flees, chunks of Manchego and Ossau Iraty fly from his pockets... he flings the Roquefort, but it breaks up in his pocket and is sticky... he can’t get it out. He is stuck, ...

What do you call a son of Zeus with a bad cold?

A Phlegmigod

How does a Mexican greet Zeus?

Jesus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

Why did Zeus shut off the gas when a goddess was out for a jog?

Because Demeter was running

What does Zeus wear under his clothes?

Thunderwear.

Contrary to popular belief, the fastest man alive is actually Zeus

because with his lightning powers he's Using Bolt

Poseidon, Zeus, and Hades sit down for a drink.

They know that, because of those pesky humans, it will be their last meeting in a long time. Zeus is attempting to combat climate change, Poseidon is dealing with rampant pollution and rising sea levels, and Hades needs to update his infrastructure to deal with the massive influx of souls after WW3....

A conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Zeus walks out into a field during a thunderstorm wearing his tinfoil hat to test his theory.

Needless to say, he was shocked when he learned the truth.

I had a dream last night...

In my dream I was watching a band play. Buddha was playing guitar, Jesus was playing bass, Mohammed was singing, and Zeus was playing the drums. After the show, Zeus came down and gave me a large metal disc. I think it was a cymbal from god.

What did Zeus say to Athena when she cracked out of his head in full armor?

Girl, you are really getting on Minerva.

What did Hera say to her husband when he asked if it was okay to sleep with other women?

Are Zeus serious?

What was Zeus" specialty in medical school?

Surge-ery

What would Zeus’s car be called?

Greece Lightning

How do you call a war between Zeus and Raiden?

Blitzkrieg

What does a Mexican and a Greek have in common?

When people see them they say Hey zeus.

An Atheist Walks Into A Bar...

An Atheist walks into a bar with God, Thor, and Zeus.

The bartender looks at him and says

"Drinking alone again, I see..."

An Englishman, a Russian and a Greek guy are on the same flight, sitting next to eachother

When they are flying over England, the Englishman says, "England is the best country, check out how well they handle this." he drops a sword out of the window.

When they are flying over Russia, the Russian says, "Mother Russia is the best country, look how efficiently we deal with this." he ...

The son of lightning

Lightning comes first before thunder.
So Zeus was born first before Thor.

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Greek mythology in 3 words

Zeus got horny

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All divine beings gather for an emergency meeting

The gods take their time, but one by one everyone is in attendance around a long, dark table on a well-lit cloud.

Yahweh is at the head of the table, simply dressed and glowing. Satan sat at the other end, dressed in a casual suit and a trench coat, a cigarette in hand.

**Yahweh:** O...

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[REQUEST] Your favorite long, maybe a bit TOO long, but worth it joke.

Every day I read the bounty of /jokes, and maybe once a month I see a new one. It fills me with such joy. Also, I work with this amazing fellow who tells these 20 minute jokes, and I am almost out of return-fire ammunition.


See, I love long jokes, story jokes, and there seems to be a pauc...

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Gods on vacation

The gods were planning on where to spend their next vacations; Shiva suggested: "what about Neptune?", then Allah said: "It's too cold!"; Zeus then suggested: "Let's go to Mars!", then Buddha replied "Nah, we went there last time!". So someone spoke "What about Earth?", for God to reply: "no way, Ea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The whole Greek Mythology could be summed up in one line............

"Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling a bit too horny."

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