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Why did the barbarian mug the bard?

So he could take the lute!

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Two guys are captured by a group of barbarians...

Two guys are captured by a group of barbarians, and the barbarian leader says: "We will offer you two options: first option: you die. Second option: our strongest warrior will flick your dick 100 times."

Without hesitation, one of the captured says: "I'll get the dick flicking option, I don't...

You're a Savage Warrior. You're a barbarian. You come from a city in Iran. You're a Barbar Barbarian.

You're known for hanging around your favorite drinking establishment. You're a Barbar bar barbarian.

You get exiled. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian.

You get a job cutting hair. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian barber.

You are the exclusive hairstylist of a popular chil...

Why is the barbarian carrying a skillet?

Wizard: Why is the barbarian carrying a skillet?

Bard: He thinks it's his spellcasting focus.

Wizard: He has spells?

Bard: Just one. Every time he hits someone with it, he shouts "Cast iron!"

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A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.

Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

A barbarian warrior is captured by the enemy

He was taken before the leader, and told that he had one opportunity for life: he must survive four trials by ordeal.

The first was to walk barefoot across a trench filled with hot coals.

The second, to drink a full quart of the most powerful spirit.

Third, he had to enter a ca...

Why were pirates afraid of landing on the Barbary Coast?

They didn't want to run into any Barbarians

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

King Arthur has set on his noble mission to drive away the barbarians

Before he left , he called his close friend,Sir Lancelot.

"My bride Guinevere is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to u...

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Once upon the time in a kingdom

Once upon the time in a kingdom far far away, lived a king and his beautiful but unfaithful hot queen.
For unknown reason, the barbarian invaded. Before the king rush to the border with the army, he puts a specially designed chastity belt on his wife and took the key with him.
This chastity be...

What do French barbarians wear to protect their eyes?

Gaul-gles.

(Courtesy of my eight year old.)

Why did the princess marry the barbarian?

Because she thought he was brutiful

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

Three organized weaklings defeat an army of barbarians.

When asked how they did it, they responded:

"You know what they say, knowledge is power."

The people still didn't understand, so the trio explained it further:

"Well, you see, we were in formation"

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A seer was recruited to help a party of heroes break into a ruined dungeon

The other heroes knew that his knowledge of the arcane would help them to understand and predict the nefarious traps that were sure to beset them within the darkened tunnels.



The dungeon's architect had laid it out as a chess board, and the party moved one by one along the squares. Th...

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The Black Knight is coming (NSFW)

One day, a minstrel was passing through the forest when he came upon a small inn. The minstrel was thrilled at the opportunity to get a clean bed, some hot food, and most importantly one of the inn's famous forest beers, which were legendary.

Later in the evening, the minstrel was about to g...

An American, a German, and a Chinese man were all arguing over their drinks about whose country was the best.

An American, a German, and a Chinese man were all arguing over their drinks about whose country was the best.

The American started things off. "America invented the atomic bomb, discovered DNA, made the Internet, and went to the Moon. Without us, none of those things would have happened."
...

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Jim moves to a small village for a new job...

... And the village has no women - only men and animals.

Jim asks a villager, "There are no women? How do you live without sex?"

The villager points to a horse and says, "Oh, we just use that horse over there."

Jim, now absolutely revolted, walks away in disgust. He thinks to hi...

There was a king.

He was having a problem with barbarians in his kingdom, so he began sending guards to patrol the roads at night.

One of his nobles sent some of his city guard to help with the efforts, and a fool to keep the king's mood up.

The king was polite, but full of pride, so he sent the guards ...

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