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Two guys are captured by a group of barbarians...

Two guys are captured by a group of barbarians, and the barbarian leader says: "We will offer you two options: first option: you die. Second option: our strongest warrior will flick your dick 100 times."

Without hesitation, one of the captured says: "I'll get the dick flicking option, I don't...

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A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.

Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

You're a Savage Warrior. You're a barbarian. You come from a city in Iran. You're a Barbar Barbarian.

You're known for hanging around your favorite drinking establishment. You're a Barbar bar barbarian.

You get exiled. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian.

You get a job cutting hair. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian barber.

You are the exclusive hairstylist of a popular chil...

A barbarian warrior is captured by the enemy

He was taken before the leader, and told that he had one opportunity for life: he must survive four trials by ordeal.

The first was to walk barefoot across a trench filled with hot coals.

The second, to drink a full quart of the most powerful spirit.

Third, he had to enter a ca...

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

King Arthur has set on his noble mission to drive away the barbarians

Before he left , he called his close friend,Sir Lancelot.

"My bride Guinevere is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to u...

What do French barbarians wear to protect their eyes?

Gaul-gles.

(Courtesy of my eight year old.)

Why did the princess marry the barbarian?

Because she thought he was brutiful

Three organized weaklings defeat an army of barbarians.

When asked how they did it, they responded:

"You know what they say, knowledge is power."

The people still didn't understand, so the trio explained it further:

"Well, you see, we were in formation"

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

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A seer was recruited to help a party of heroes break into a ruined dungeon

The other heroes knew that his knowledge of the arcane would help them to understand and predict the nefarious traps that were sure to beset them within the darkened tunnels.



The dungeon's architect had laid it out as a chess board, and the party moved one by one along the squares. Th...

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Jim moves to a small village for a new job...

... And the village has no women - only men and animals.

Jim asks a villager, "There are no women? How do you live without sex?"

The villager points to a horse and says, "Oh, we just use that horse over there."

Jim, now absolutely revolted, walks away in disgust. He thinks to hi...

There was a king.

He was having a problem with barbarians in his kingdom, so he began sending guards to patrol the roads at night.

One of his nobles sent some of his city guard to help with the efforts, and a fool to keep the king's mood up.

The king was polite, but full of pride, so he sent the guards ...

I need your best Scottish joke, asap! Scottish stepdad's birthday today.

I need a good Scottish joke or two to make fun of his primitive Tartan wearin' bagpipe blowin' and Braveheart barbarian culture.

Preferably, the joke will make fun of Scots as a bunch of useless drunkards subjugated by the English.

This is becoming a bit of a birthday tradition so giv...

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The Black Knight is coming (NSFW)

One day, a minstrel was passing through the forest when he came upon a small inn. The minstrel was thrilled at the opportunity to get a clean bed, some hot food, and most importantly one of the inn's famous forest beers, which were legendary.

Later in the evening, the minstrel was about to g...

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Buddhist Monk are stranded on a hostile island

They are quickly caught by the vicious tribe that inhabits the island. The chief of the tribe gives the 3 men 2 choices: Death or what he calls "the Barbarians"

The Rabbi is the first to choose, he doesn't want to die so he chooses the latter.

All of a sudden he is grabbed by the thro...

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