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Kong Jokes

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Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?
I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:
Add edit to first comment.
Also he...

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

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The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

In Hong Kong, there once lived a rich prestigious old man known as Grandpa Li.

Grandpa Li lived together with Grandma Li in a big mansion with 3 daughters, each known as Miss Li.

The eldest Miss Li got married. Since she came from a very prestigious family, she decided to keep her last name, and then known as Madam Li.

Madam Li had a Son and a Daughter. They are ...

What happened in Hong Kong this week?

According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

What do you call Donkey Kong's thick sister?

BaDonky Kong.

What's the difference between Matthew Broderick and Donkey Kong?

One's a furious barreller, the other's Ferris Bueller.

Did you guys hear the next King Kong movie will star Lady Kong?

Apparently it'll be a rom-kong

Why does Donkey Kong brush his teeth?

To prevent tooth DK.

What do you do if king kong comes through your window?

Start swimming

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my grandpa tells us about his good old days in Hong Kong

He said, "when I was your age, I can go into the groceries with 10 dollars, and come out with 2 loaves of bread, 2 dozen of eggs, 2 kilos of potatoes, maybe a few cans of soda, plus handful of candies and probably some beef jerky."

We were like, "omg!!! That's a lot!! 10 dollars now can only ...

A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...

Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "

King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.

He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".

Why do the Hong Kong police get up early in the morning?

To beat the crowds.

Why was Donkey Kongs corpse smelling?

It was beginning to DK

You have to be from Hong Kong to get this joke.

My dad's coworker, Joachim, was applying for a visa to travel to America at the U.S. Consulate in Hong Kong. The immigration officer interviewing him ask where in the U.S. he was planning to stay.

"San Jose" , he answered.

The immigration officer corrects him that in the U.S. they pr...

I just watched Godzilla Vs. Kong, it was awful...

...One could even say it’s Monstrous

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-pong and died, what would they put on his coffin?

A lid.

What do you call King Kong with a gun

Sir

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There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

Free Hong Kong

With the purchase of a Hong Kong of equal or greater value.

Hong Kong

I was shopping in Hong Kong recently. I bought twenty bucks worth of groceries and paid with a hundred bill.

The shop owner gave me the bag of goods and went on to serve the next customer.

I was livid! "Where's my money? I bought twenty and paid with a hundred! You owe me eighty doll...

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My dick is like Hong Kong

It’s hard to control even when I beat it

A Joke from Hong Kong

Recently the Hong Kong Government has announced that all police will have to travel in groups of three:

One cop knows how to read,

The second knows how to write

And the third is to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

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The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

Did you see that movie about Kong, the giant ape?

The plot was pretty bananas.

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Honk Kong Dong

Bill had just returned home from a sales convention in Hong Kong. He spent his days at the convention and his nights in the Red Light district, and was now suffering from a painful and inflamed penis. He hurried to the doctor, who diagnosed it as the Hong Kong Dong and told Bill he would have to hav...

Whats the difference between a nuclear-ravaged wasteland and Hong Kong?

The amount Xi has been drinking.

What's the difference between Hong Kong Protestors and Redditors?

Protestors do not tolerate censorship.

I think Hong Kong is the next big player in the fashion world.

Mask were very in during the protests last year. Now everyone's wearing one.

What does Hong Kong Phooey call the coronavirus?

The Kung Flu.

What do IKEA and Hong Kong have in common?

No peaceful assembly

Free Hong Kong Tee Shirts are okay I guess...

I doubt that I'd ever *buy* one though

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I got in trouble for telling this joke in 5th grade on share a joke day.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess with three handsome suitors.

Each suitor tried their best to charm the princess, but the princess could not choose which handsome suitor to marry.

The princess did love ping pong though, and so she decided to test the suitors' love.
...

Why did King Kong climb the Empire State Building?

He had a plane to catch

If King Kong ever went to China, he'd be called

Ching Chong

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[Long] Old medical joke

A very sexually active guy went to the doctor complaining of pain when urinating.

The doctor sent him off for a number of blood, stool and semen samples, and when the result came back phoned the guy urgently and said "oh my god, you have 'Hong Kong Dong', you need to have your penis amputat...

Whats the top most request DJs in Hong Kong are getting

Clubbed to death

Apparantly part of a Hong Kong politician's ear was bit off.

I'm glad Mike Tyson is giving his all to these protests

An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest ...

Just ordered Hong Kong style sweet and sour chicken from my local takeaway

4 police officers delivered it and fired tear gas through my front door.

Why did Hulk Hogan and Donkey Kong meet at the same time?

They were both in court for copyright claims filed against them.

I cannot understand why they don’t call the riots in Hong Kong

Tiananmen²

A Hong Kong citizen goes to the doctor to see if he's depressed

The doctor tells him he is not depressed but instead oppressed by the Chinese government

The Hong Kong protestors are not really accepting of the police’s new message.

Apparently some have even taken it to heart.

They've got internet for vehicles in Hong Kong too...

They call it Wong Kar-Wai fi.

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They've discovered King Kong was indeed heterosexual...

...it was booty that killed the beast.

In Hong Kong harbor, a ship carrying red paint collided with a freighter carrying purple paint

Reports say both crews are marooned

As chosen by voters, Germany's Berlin Zoo named their two newborn pandas "Hong" and "Kong".

Upon hearing the news, China reacted fiercely and decided to withdraw all pandas from every country back to mainland China. It was a logistical nightmare⁠ to bring all the pandas back—it was pandemonium.

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The King of all the gorillas was having a yard sale

The king of all the gorillas, mister Kong, was having a yard sale. He decided to sell his items collected over the years of roaming in the forests. He had been lowering his sale prices over the course of the day as fewer and fewer people were coming by.

Finally, one passer by came to buy his...

What do you get when King Kong sits on your best friend?

A Flat Mate.

What month was King Kong born in?

Ape-ril

What do you get when you cross King Kong with a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia

A monkey, chimp, gorilla and King Kong tries to take bananas from a coconut tree. Who will get it?

Neither! Coconut trees don't grow bananas!

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Did you hear about the monkey sex addict?

His name was Kink Kong

What do you call an ape with a fetish?

Kink Kong.

What do you get when you cross King Kong and a pickle?

Ron Burgundy.


Perhaps you've heard of him, he's kind of a big dill.

"China reports no new coronavirus local infections!" says a Chinese national to random strangers on the Internet

"But Hong Kong and Taiwan are still reporting in new cases" replied the random guy on the Internet.

"No… Hong Kong and Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"

If Great Britian leaves the EU then it will be like its own Hong Kong

Owned by the British, surprisingly prosperous for its size, and desperately longing to be white.

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Chuck Norris once

-injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.
They are now known as King Kong, Moby Dick, and Godzilla.

Divorce

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says,
"I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.
"We can't stand the si...

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A man walks into the doctor's with an awful rash on his penis

The doctor asks if the man had been overseas recently, to which the answer was yes (he had just returned from a holiday in Asia).

The Doctor says "I'm sorry to tell you that you have Hong Kong Dong and your penis needs to be removed."

The man was shocked and extremely upset.
He left...

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What are some of your best “and then I said” jokes

When my friends and I are talking I like to every now and then go “and then I said ping pong balls not king kong’s balls” for a laugh.

I wondered if anyone else has any gags like this?

Where ya bin?

trashman knocks on the back door of an Asian restaurant.

The proprietor comes out

Trash man says: ‘where’s ya bin’

Asian proprietor says: ‘I bin to Hong Kong’

Trash man says: ‘no... where’s ya wheelie bin?’

Asian proprietor: ‘I wheely bin to hong kong’

Trash...

Did you see the news about the fight that broke out when they played the wrong national anthem for the winning team at the Asian table tennis finals?

The headline read "Hong Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong".

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Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.

These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.

What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."

Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.

Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Ha...

I’m a Chinese goose

Hong Kong

What do you call a city filled with protesting geese?

Honk Kong

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It’s ironic that China doesn’t want us calling it “Chinese Coronavirus”.

They lay claim to just about about everything else even vaguely related to them: Tibet, Taiwan, Hong Kong, every tiny island for about 5,000 miles in any direction...

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A 35 year old virgin, fed up with constant dating failures,

goes to see his doctor, for the umpteenth time. Fed up with the constant complaints, his doctor finally relents.

"Ok ok. There's a new guy in town, from Hong Kong. Chinese. Relationship specialist. I think he's a quack but it's worth a try." Says his doc and gives him the address.

Th...

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Szechuan STD

Guy goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I've been having a bit of trouble urinating and it's getting sore, more sore every day."

Doctor told him to undress and lie on the bench. So he did, and the doctor came back, examined him and shook his head. "You been to China recently?"

"Well, y...

China Two Party System

Taiwan and China

Signed, Hong Kong

A gorilla came to my house and rang the bell

*King kong!*

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Where's ya bin (full version)

A trash man knocks on the back door of an Asian restaurant.
The proprietor comes out and the trash man says: ‘where’s ya bin’

The Asian proprietor: ‘I bin to Hong Kong’

Trash man: ‘no... where’s ya wheelie bin?’

Asian proprietor: ‘I wheely bin to hong kong’

Trash man: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A class of high school art students are broken into groups...

...and tasked with making silly and creative paintings combining culture with food.

One group decides to paint an Indy race car made out of roti. Another group decides to paint a business suit necktie being grated into cheese. Another group paints Donkey Kong serving up a creepy bowl of banan...

I met a Chinese woman who had just arrived in the U.S...

I’d been learning a little Mandarin and was trying to have some basic conversation with her. She asked why I know Mandarin. I joked: “For when China takes over.”. She got very mad and said “China doesn’t want to take over anything, they just want to live in peace!”. I asked, “What about Hong Ko...

Herd Immunity’s Victory

Hong Kong showed the world how to actively contain the virus.

Italy showed the world how one fails to contain the virus.

India showed the world how anybody can contain the virus.

Boris Johnson showed the world that the virus does not need to be contained.

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"The dangers of smoking"

A man is standing outside in the "smoking zone" of an airport on a freezing cold January morning, smoking one last cigarette before his 16 hour, non-stop flight to Hong Kong for a business trip.

Another man walks up to him and says "do you have any idea how bad that is for you? Don't you know...

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A man goes to his doctor

and complains that his penis is developing a bend in the middle. So the doctor ran a series of tests, and had the man return to his office to report the results. "Have you been in the Far East recently, within the last year or so?" "Why, yes," replied the man. "And did you have sex while over there?...

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A guy goes to China on a business trip.

While he’s there he bangs a bunch of Chinese hookers. By the time he arrives home in the U.S., his dick is covered in sores, swollen and hurts like hell. Guys goes to the doctor and the doc says “looks like you’ve got a pretty bad case of Hong Kong dong. We can get ya better but it’s gonna cost $3,0...

Did y'all hear about the accident during the Kowloon Percussion Festival?

There was a tamtam ensemble that was playing a piece, and one of the instruments fell off its stand and rolled into the crowd, injuring a few people.

Headlines were "Hong Kong Gong Song Gone Wrong"

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