High Blood Pressure Jokes - 13 Hilarious High Blood Pressure Jokes

My doctor said I had high blood pressure and short term memory loss…

At least I don’t have high blood pressure!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was told that my high blood pressure made any sexual activity risky, so I asked my doctor.

After my physical, the doctor told me that I could masturbate anytime I wanted to.

His exact words were, "You could have a stroke at any time!"

Why did the skeptic suffer from high blood pressure?

He was taking everything with a grain of salt.

A physician said, "You have High Blood Pressure"

"High blood pressure? Well Doc. It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" The Doctor asked.
"Neither," I replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
I sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"

Why didn’t the doctor prescribe lisinopril for Snoopy’s high blood pressure?

Ace inhibitors are contraindicated in Sopwith pilots.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for the diarrhea but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depress...

- Doc, how did you know that I have high blood pressure?

- You make mosquitoes explode!

Russian health tips

-"For better digestion ,I drink beer, for low blood pressure I drink red wine, for high blood pressure Cognac and for colds Vodka. "
-"And what about water?"
-"I don't think I ever had such an illness...."

funniest joke you'll hear today about congestive heart failure

Assuming you are healthy, your heart when working normally, acts, sort of like a pump, or rather, two pumps. You see, your right heart expands to draw deoxygenated blood in from the body, and contracts to pump it out to the lungs to become oxygenated. And at the same time, your left heart draws in o...

AN elderly chap went to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor asked the man whether he drank alcohol.

“Yes,” he replied. “For better digestion I drink beer. In the case of appetite loss I drink white wine, and in the case of low blood pressure I drink red wine. In the case of high blood pressure I drink scotch, and when I have a cold I drink ...

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AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 dead men

(Note: buckel the fuck up because this is a long one)

There are three dead men next to each other on the stairway to heaven. They decide to all share their stories on how they died, one man goes first.

"I live on the 22nd floor on a 30 floor building. I had suspected my wife had been c...

father O'Brien goes to the doctor as he isn't feeling well...

The doctor gives him a full physical. The priest is showing all the signs of too much stress, high blood pressure, etc. The doctor suggests that the priest learn to calm down - maybe take a drink every so often. The priest interrupts him, "No - Mrs Brown who minds the Rectory won't have it! She ...

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