A farmer has a nagging wife

His wife is so nagging that he’d rather be out in the field. One day, he’s plowing the field with his donkey but his wife brings him lunch. He is really happy and they start having a conversation. Well, it doesn’t take long before the wife starts to nag about something. Finally, the donkey raises hi...

The farmer's nagging wife

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.

From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out p...

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation

Years ago, when one could actually enjoy travel, a man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem and while they were there, the wife unfortunately passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped bac...

The Nagging wife.Frank the farmer had a nagging wife. She made his life miserable. The only real peace he got was when he was out in the field plowing.

One day while in the field, Frank’s wife brought him his lunch. Then while he quietly ate she berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Frank’s old donkey kicked up his back legs, struck her in the head killing her instantly.

At the funeral, the Priest noticed t...

My wife is always nagging.

I remembered to bring the stroller, the diaper bag, even an extra set of clothes.

But al she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?

Nothing, he's gladiator.

Every time I have a beer, my wife keeps nagging me and telling me I drink too much

I mean come on, who needs to hear that nine times a day?

What do you say to a man whose wife of 20 years has stopped nagging and complaining?

I am sorry for your loss.

A Nagging Wife

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his death row client.

His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on h...

I have this nagging feeling.

It starts right when I wake up, but it usually stops when she goes to bed.

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An elderly inventor was becoming depressed with his life: his hearing was failing, his wife was always nagging him, he hadn't invented anything good in years, and his former good looks had been replaced by wrinkles and sagging skin.

He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.

His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, 'Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.' The doctor continued, 'Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For d...

What's the name of the superhero that stops crimes by nagging the evil-doers?

Chider-Man.

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A married couple is fighting

A married couple is fighting when the wife says, I don’t want you in this house anymore, pack your shit and get out. Husband starts packing as the wife is still nagging him. The husband opens the door to leave and just as he is walking out the wife says, “I hope you die a slow and painful death you ...

Nagging wife

The wife said, "You haven't listened to a fecking word I've said, have you?"
I thought, that's a strange way to start a conversation with me.

A man left for work one Friday morning

but, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly 2 hours with a tirade befitting his actions. ...

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The wife was nagging me for ages to put a shelf up in the front room, but as I am shit at DIY I thought that I should get some advice.

So I went to the library and asked the woman there, "do you have any books on shelves?"

How did the Roman feel when he cannibalized his nagging wife?

Glad-he-ater

What did the large reptile say to her child when it kept nagging her to listen to the song “Chandelier?”

We will listen to Sia later alligator.

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Two guys are out drinking late. One turns to the other and says "I'm going to hate going home. No matter how quietly I sneak into bed, my wife wakes up and starts nagging me". Other guy turns to him and says "I don't have that problem"

I come home, flip on the lights and yell "Honey! I'm home! Let's Fuck!" and she always pretends she's fast asleep.

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We finally drove somewhere without my wife nagging on my driving for the first time ever.

It was in a hearse on the way to her funeral.

My friend kept nagging me to donate one of my prepositions to charity.

Eventually, I gave in.

This guy had a magic door

This guy had a magic door in his house. Whenever he wanted he could open the door and step into a magic world where he was the only human in. Since he was alone in this magic world he was like the king and he could do whatever he wanted to. There was no wife to throw chores at him, no kids nagging a...

Dave Ja Vu

The nagging feeling that somehow, all of this has happened before.


To Dave.

A man purchased a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him....

He took his new Benz out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's n...

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A man is drinking with his friend at a bar, he drinks too much and ends up puking all over his shirt

He starts freaking out and tells his friend, “ I can’t go home like this, my wife’s been nagging me about my drinking and she’ll lose it”,
His friend says “don’t worry, I’m going to put a 10 dollar bill in your pocket, tell your wife you had one drink but the guy next to you overdid it and puked ...

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After a long day at work, I come home to my nagging wife.

"The sink's leaking, fix it," she says. "I'm not a plumber," I say. "The electric's broken, fix it," she says. "I'm not an electrician," I say. She stomps off in a huff.

The next day, I come home from work again and... everything's fixed! "What happened?" I ask her. "I got a man in to do it,"...

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

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an actual oc joke i wrote out like a week ago

One day, a father is enjoying a walk alone, getting his sweet fresh air away from the nagging children and wife. However, enjoying the walk too much, he shuts his eyes. Turning a corner is a very wealthy man in a hurry, who ends up bumping into the father.

Both get up, and the father speaks u...

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Three guys are sitting at the bar

The bartender asks them, "What's the matter with you guys?"

The first guy says, "My wife's always complaining and nagging. She's always on my case about not buying her new clothes...but at least I get to see this prostitute every night. The sex is great and it's only a quarter per thrust."...

100% True Story - Funniest Thing That Ever Happened to Me

Not long after my younger son was born I left the Army and, not having a new job to go to and my wife having a great job, I looked after the house and my two boys for some years.

When my older son started school, we would walk home together and discuss what he'd learned and talk about life. ...

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A gas station owner was trying to increase his sales

So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with every full tank gas.'

I saw it; filled my tank and asked for my free sex.

The owner asked me to pick a number from 1 to 10. If i guessed correctly, I would get my free sex.

I guessed 8, and the owner said, 'You were close. The numbe...

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I had a stutter when I was a kid

It was embarrassing and all of the other kids made fun of me for most of my life. Finally, when I was a junior in highschool, my parents sent me to a doctor.
“D-d-doctor”, says I, “p-p-please help me. I h-h-h-have this terrible stutter”
Doc said “Son, I have some bad news for you....your peni...

Talking Frog.

A 70 year old retired Military officer had one hobby - he loved to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ''Pick me up. '

...

A farmer had an argument with his wife

and she brought her mother to live with them. After 3 weeks of nagging, the mother in law went out one morning to the barn to the donkey stall. She was picking up the straw, and saw a spider. She shrieked, and the alarmed donkey kicked her in the head and killed her.

All the farmer's neighbou...

Old man goes to a doctor...

Old man, well into his eighties, goes to a doctor for a regular checkup.

The doctor examines him, makes several tests, looks at him and he can't believe what he sees. He says:

"Old man, this can't be true! You're old, but you're healthy as a teenager. No hypertension, no elevated sugar...

Fifty dollars is fifty dollars.

Harold lived on a farm and his wife,Mabel, who was always sort of nagging him. And every year the carnival roll into town and have these $50 helicopter rides. He always wanted to take one of these helicopter rides but his wife told him they weren’t going to waste money on it. Then one year when they...

A farmer was sitting by a tree with his horse

As his wife approaches she's irritated and nagging about something and just as she stands there the horse kicks her and kills her on the spot.

A funeral is held and afterwards everybody comes up to the widower one by one shaking his hand and saying a few words. The priest notices how the wido...

The visit to Jerusalem

Mr Goldman & his nagging wife of 30 years once went on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. Through out the plane ride, down to the taxi ride to the hotel she nagged him persistently.
While in bed , the nagging continued. The next day Mr Goldberg woke up to discover his wife had died peacefully in her...

Todd was dirt broke, no skills, and not the brightest bulb in the light-shop.

And to make it worse, his mom was always on his case about getting out and making something of himself. One day, sick of her nagging, he answered a help wanted ad.

“So you think you have what it takes to be a Repo man, Todd?” the interviewer asked.

“Sure, man. I got this.”

But T...

A husband and wife of many years travels to Israel.. [Long]

The wife is an extreme nagger that cannot stop nagging all through out their trip until suddenly she dies of a heart attack. The government official that assists the grieving husband says to him, "It will cost you about $5000 to transport your wife's remains back to the US, while it will cost you on...

Husband takes his wife to the pub

A nagging wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the pub, so one night he takes her along with him.

"What'll you have?" he asks.
"Oh, I don't know. Same as you I suppose," she replies.

The husband orders a couple of straight whiskies and throws his down in o...

The husband in a married couple kept farting horribly in bed,

The husband in a married couple kept farting horribly in bed, for years, it was terrible. His wife suffered greatly and kept nagging him to do something about his indigestion, often saying, “One day, Trevor, your horrible farting is going to force your guts right out!”

The husband only made f...

Farmer Joe was in an accident with a truck.

After putting up with nagging injuries for a couple of weeks, he decided to take the driver to court. During the trial, the driver's lawyer questioned Farmer Joe sharply, "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"

Farmer Joe replied, "Well I'll tell you what happened at the ac...

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Man goes to buy a house

a man goes to buy a house, and he found one very good looking one. it was near the beach, it was big and it was cheap. So the man goes to see the house with the seller. They tour the house and it looks like it is everything he coud want, big, cheap and great view. when they arrive to the bathroom th...

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Tom and his buddy got drunk

Tom took it too far and puked on his shirt.
"Oh no! My wife will kill me she hates when i drink"
"Dont worry. Take this 20$ bill and tell her someone else puked on you and gave you the money for the cleaning."

So it was done.

Tom went home and his wife starts nagging and screamin...

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Jeff the Bellboy

Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Jeff the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, "Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The ...

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Two guys were leaving the strip club...

Jim and John were out of one dollar bills, and it was very late.

"Oh no", John say's - "the wife is gonna kill me. When I'm out too late, I park a block away, take me shoes off in the drive way, use my oiled key in the lock, take off my clothes in the living room, tip-toe upstairs, hold my ...

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The South American Cocksucking Iguana

A man is having problems with his wife. She's constantly nagging at him and he always seems to be in the dog house.


After a particularly big fight, he begins to drive around aimlessly. He passes a pet store and is seized by a brilliant idea. He'll get a pet for his wife! Maybe it will mak...

Moth Joke

A moth goes into a dietitian's office looking very unwell.


The dietitian goes, "What seems to be the problem?"


The moth replies, "Where to start, doc? Each day I wake up at 6:00 a.m. next to a moth wife I once loved, who I have slowly drifted away from over the days. Her once...

Joke my grandfather told me

There was this elderly couple, and the wife had always wanted to visit Israel. Eventually the husband got tired of her nagging him about it and decided to take the trip.

During the trip, however, she dies.

A kind Israeli funeral home owner offers to bury the man's wife for 150$. The...

Two friends are talking in a bar...

Their names are Fred and Michael. They've known each other for a while, 15 years roughly. So they feel pretty comfortable with each other talking about more...sensitive topics. On this occasion, Fred decided to ask Michael about his son as it was something that had been nagging him for a while but h...

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A very quiet man married a naggy wife

He's a good provider and makes a lot of money as a farmer. Despite giving her everything she wants, she still complains and nags him everyday. Years into the marriage, he starts to feel fed up being nagged by the wife. One day he took his wife to his farm and pushed her into a 10 foot deep hole. Fro...

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