Boats Jokes

Did you know that Danish boats are given barcodes when they leave ports?

So when they come back, they can Scan-di-navy-in

Where do boats go when they are sick?

The Dock.

Why do people refer to boats as “she”

Because they’re full of seamen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus & Moses in a boat

so jesus and moses were rowing a boat fishing for supper and after no action Jesus was getting bored and he was like 'hey moishe, moishe--check it out, you think i can still walk on water? you think i still have it? how much you wanna bet i can still walk on water?' Moses says 'i'll take any bet you...

One afternoon at the paddle boat hire hut...

"Come in number nine. Your time is up."

"Umm...we only have eight paddle boats."

"Number six? Are you experiencing difficulties?"

Why do Norwegian boats have barcodes on them? (Old but gold)

To Scandinavyin

My great grandfather sunk 5 U-boats in ww2

Easily the worst captain the kriegsmarine had

TIL For 15 years, the Swedes thought sounds from the sea were Russian submarines invading their territory. They regularly investigated, sending subs, boats and helicopters - at great expense - only to come up empty-handed.

Upon investigation by a biologist, the noise was discovered to be farts from fish.

It seems the Swedes were having herring problems.

A Spanish man is showing his friend his boats

He tells his friend he has a boat named uno, dos, tres, cuatro, and seis.

His friend asks what happened to the fifth one

The Spanish man says: Cinco!

Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat

Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.

Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"

Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"

Why did the sea monster eat three boats carrying potatoes?

Because no one can eat just one potato ship.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of boats?

Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be on the boat.

Why aren't boats equipped with artificial intelligence?

Nobody wants to get on a thinking ship.

At a boat rental concession the manager spots a boat out on a lake and yells through his megaphone,"Number 99,come in please. Your time is up."

Several minutes pass but the boat doesn't return.

"Boat number 99," He again hollers, "Return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you over time."

"Something's wrong!We only have 75 boats."the manager pauses then raises his megaphone,"Boat number 66,are you okay?"

A lake peer officer is talking through a megaphone: "Boat 99, please return to shore, your time is up"

A colleague walks up to him and asks: "Who are you calling? There are only 70 boats today."

The officer looks back at the lake, thinks for a bit, and starts talking again: "Boat 66, is everything ok?"

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