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Boats Jokes

TIL: After Pearl Harbor, US warships fired upon friendly u boats heading back to port.

Whoops, wrong sub.

What's with the sudden influx of Killer Whale attacks on boats?

Seems Orcastrated

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.

Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?

Why does the new Russian Navy have glass bottom boats?

So they can see the old Russian Navy.

Why do boats have round windows?

So that water doesn't hit you square in the face.

Where do sick boats go?

To the dock-ter.

Why can’t cats drive boats in Germany?

Because it’s Fur Boatin’

Why do Nordic boats have barcodes on them?

So after they get back from war, they can Scandinavian.

Why shouldn’t boats hit certain islands?

It takes atoll on them.

Why do divers fall backwards off of boats?

Because if they fell forward they'd bang their heads on the deck.

How do Boats like their drinks?

On the docks.

What causes some boats to become party boats?

Pier pressure

A business man sees a fisherman laying down on the shore, looking at the sky

- Hi, why aren't you fishing?
- Well, I caught the fishes we plan on eating
- But if you caught more, you could sell them.
- And then what?
- Then you could buy a motor for the boat to catch even more fish
- And then what?
- Then you can sell more fish, get more boats, and even mor...

My great-grandfather sunk 7 U-boats during WW2

Some say that he was the most incompetent captain in the Kriegsmarine

Greta thunberg began screaming,

“I will not fly private!” She said to her manager as they pulled into the parking lot.

“The conference is two days away and across the ocean, would you like to fly coach?” He replied.

“On a commercial airline produced by slave labor? I don’t think so!” She screamed.

Her manag...

A man and his wife built a boat...

They called it the *Alfred1*, after a friend of theirs. However, it was poorly constructed and sank immediately.

They continued to try to build seaworthy vessels, but the same thing happened over and over. With the *Brian2*, the *Chris3*, and the *Daniel4*.

"We're really not very good ...

Why do people refer to boats as “she”

Because they’re full of seamen.

A mother and her teenage son were walking on the beach...

Suddenly the son asks:
"Mom, what's an alcoholic?"
The mother replies: "See those 2 boats in the sea? An alcoholic would see 4 instead of 2..."
Son: "But mom, there's only one boat."
Mother: "Damn."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two whales seek revenge.

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the ...

How do boats reproduce if they are all girls?

They are covered in seamen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW what's long, hard and filled with semen?

A penis. Boats are filled with sea men.

Spelling matters, people.

What kind of stories do big boats tell little boats?

Ferry tales

Why do Norwegian boats have barcodes on them? (Old but gold)

To Scandinavyin

A Spanish man is showing his friend his boats

He tells his friend he has a boat named uno, dos, tres, cuatro, and seis.

His friend asks what happened to the fifth one

The Spanish man says: Cinco!

Started working from home recently building boats in my attic...

Sails are through the roof.

So this dude rubs a lamp and a genie pops out

The genie tells the man he will grant him a wish for setting him free. The man says "Ya know Gene, I love riding motorcycles. Love it more than life itself. I would love to travel across the entire world on my motorcycle, but I'm terrified of boats. Can you make a massive highway, that connects ...

There is 2 boats

One is filled with red paint

The other is filled with blue paint

They collide

What happens to the survivors?

They are marooned

Why are all boats issued with rubber toilet seats?

Because loo slips sink ships.

Americans like to fish by shooting guns at big groups of fish from their boats.

They call it "School Shootings".

Women are like boats

I'd rather pay for the occasional ride than go through the hassle of having my own.

TIL that all Norwegian military boats have barcodes on them.

So when they return to port they can Scandinavian.

Two Boats and a Helicopter

*Not my joke*

A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

"Better get in, Preacher. The wate...

I watched a documentary on how they make boats.

It was rivetting

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