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Boats Jokes

Why does the new Russian Navy have glass bottom boats?

So they can see the old Russian Navy.

Where do sick boats go?

To the dock-ter.

Why shouldn’t boats hit certain islands?

It takes atoll on them.

Why do divers fall backwards off of boats?

Because if they fell forward they'd bang their heads on the deck.

How do Boats like their drinks?

On the docks.

My great-grandfather sunk 7 U-boats during WW2

Some say that he was the most incompetent captain in the Kriegsmarine

My boss said he races boats

So I said, “Wow, you must be a fast swimmer!”

If there are 502 bricks in a plane and 1 falls off, how many are left?

>!501.!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.!<

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

>!You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.!<

So, the ...

The priest and the sinking ship

A ship is sinking and the passengers are rushing to rescue boats to leave the shipwreck. On the ship there is a priest who refuses to get on the boats.



The lifeguard says "get on the boat priest, we have to go".


The priest says "No, god will save me, give my seat to someone...

Why are portholes/windows in boats round?

So the water doesn’t hit the sailors square in the face!

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.

Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?

TIL: After Pearl Harbor, US warships fired upon friendly u boats heading back to port.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Why do people refer to boats as “she”

Because they’re full of seamen.

Americans like to fish by shooting guns at big groups of fish from their boats.

They call it "School Shootings".

Why do Norwegian boats have barcodes on them? (Old but gold)

To Scandinavyin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know where the phrase "You've got to be shitting me!" came from?

When General George Washington was crossing the Delaware it was cold, foggy and ice all around. They had several boats and only one light. Captain Peters was at the bow of the boat with this light when it struck some ice and he tumbled into the river. They searched and searched for him but never cou...

TIL For 15 years, the Swedes thought sounds from the sea were Russian submarines invading their territory. They regularly investigated, sending subs, boats and helicopters - at great expense - only to come up empty-handed.

Upon investigation by a biologist, the noise was discovered to be farts from fish.

It seems the Swedes were having herring problems.

Why do Nordic boats have barcodes on them?

So after they get back from war, they can Scandinavian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American and Japanese engineer meet at an industry conference.

During an industry conference an American Engineer and a Japanese Engineer are assigned the same hotel room. After a few drinks they become competitive and place a bet. Whoever can build the best paper boat would have their tab covered by the other.

They both ask for a piece of paper and make...

A Spanish man is showing his friend his boats

He tells his friend he has a boat named uno, dos, tres, cuatro, and seis.

His friend asks what happened to the fifth one

The Spanish man says: Cinco!

Why do North Korean navy boats have glass bottoms

So they can see their Air Force

How do boats reproduce if they are all girls?

They are covered in seamen.

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