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Hanger Jokes

A husband and wife are going out for the evening...

Before going out they always put their cat out for the night.

An Uber arrives to pick up the couple and as they walk out of the house, the cat runs back inside.

The husband goes back into the house to chase the cat out, and the wife walks out to the Uber. She doesn’t want the driver to...

What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.

3 blonde women walk out of a building.

When they reach their car they realize that they forgot the keys in the car.

The first one said:"I'll go see if anyone has a metal coat hanger to pick the lock".

The second one objected: "If you do that people will think we are stealing the car".

The third one exclaimed:"Hurry u...

Two hats were on a hanger

One hat said to the other, "You hang on here, I'll go on ahead".

What is the difference between a priest and a wire coat hanger?

According to the church only one of them harms children.

Millenials are Killing the Coat Hanger Industry

more than half of them support legal abortions.

Wife: "Get me a coat hanger, I don't want the baby anymore."

Hubby: "Are you crazy? It's too late for that! May I remind you our child has already been *born*?"

Wife: "It's not too late to let it play with the wall socket."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How my Husband and I Terrified a Taxi Driver

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day, I walked in on my wife masturbating with a coat hanger.

"Are you bored, honey?" I said.

"I'm a bit horny..." she replied.

"Why don't you use a dildo?"

"What do you think I'm looking for?"

During the First World War, Switzerland was the coat hanger of the other fighting countries,

When war ended, Switzerland gave the coats back ...

But without the wallets

There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car...

The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"

The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."

The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"

The other one answered," No, p...

Two blondes are trying to unlock their car with a coat hanger.

One says, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top's down!"

When I was really young my mom would try to beat me with a hanger.

Then I was born.

Hate it when you’re looking through your room and can’t find a coat hanger

You have to go all the way to the doctors to get an abortion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My car is so shitty, one time I fixed it with a coat hanger.

Goes to show that those things can BRING life too.

Why did the blonde keep coat hangers under her seat?

In case she locks her keys in her car.

Did you hear about Marie Kondo’s latest book on organizing closets?

It’s called Hanger Management

Street Car Gallantry

Here's a street car conversation that may or may not have a moral. It at least furnishes food for reflection. A friend of ours overheard it on a Euclid car.

"Isn't it awful", said one fair strap hanger, "to have to stand up all the way home after shopping till your feet are sore?"

"Y...

Professional Help

A woman hurried to a pharmacy to pick up the medication. When she got back to the car, she found her keys locked inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some...

Another Blonde Joke

Two blondes stood by a car in which they had accidentally locked the key.

“We need to get in there,” says the first blonde. “Why don’t we use a coat hanger to slide the lock open?”

“No,” says the second. “People’d think we’re trying to steal the car.”

“I have a pair of scissors...

A Blond walks into a gas station...

and asks the employee: "I locked my keys in the car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
Ten minutes later a trucker comes in and can't stop laughing. So the employee asks him why he is laughing. The trucker says: "There is a Blond who tries ...

Another blonde joke

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door hersel...

A young lady is at a home decoration store, and picks out a large mirror with a brass hanger.

The helpful store clerk says, "M'am, you wanna screw for that mirror hanger?"

The girl replies, "No, but I'll blow you for that matching brass end table."

Two Blondes leave a bar and realize they’ve locked their keys in the car.

After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other “I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I’ll run inside and see if they have one!”

The other blonde says “Ok, well hurry because it looks like it’s going to rain and the to...

Car Keys

Tom and Barney got out and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key from the ignition.

Realizing their mistake, Tom asked, "Why don't we use a coat hanger to open it?"

"No, that won't work," answered Barney. "People will think we're trying to break in."

So Tom sug...

My friend got a job at the dry cleaners but he got stressed out because he always mixed up the orders and kept upsetting the customers.

So the boss sent him to do a course in hanger management.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Cliff hanger.

Cliff hanger who?

...

Two blondes on the parking

Two blondes are shopping at the mall. When they are done they go out to their car, which happens to be an awesome leather interior convertible. When they get to the car, they realize they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stand there and think for a while.

Finally one gets ...

What brings out your inner kid?

A coat hanger.

What do you call a pro-choice music festival?

Bangers for Hangers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW My friend stopped over the other day

So I took the toilet paper off the hanger and left a dildo in its place.

If he thinks he's getting my TP he can go fuck himself !

A pregnant lady locks her keys inside her car by an abortion clinic.

Imagine the look on the receptionists face when the pregnant lady asks her for a coat hanger.

A guy bursts into a gas station laughing like crazy

Gas station manager asks him what's so funny.

Guy says "There's a blonde outside trying to open her car door with a coathanger through the window"

"I know, I gave her the coat hanger, she locked herself out of her car" says the gas station manager.

Guy stops, then bursts into ev...

His request approved, the news photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in t...

There is a new reality show where flat earthers try to travel to the edge of the world.

Unfortunately the finale is not a cliff hanger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People say that without college I'm nothin

Bitch please I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger


*Hooks onto clothing rack*

Putting the new dry cleaner shop next to the Planned Parenthood was probably a bad idea.

All those discarded wire hangers in the dumpster aren’t helping the cause.

Sales Surge

Wire hangers break the glass ceiling in sales today at ALABAMA Kmarts.

Logan Paul...

Certainly started this year off with an absolute hanger of a video!

Banger... I meant banger.

Two Politicians Lock Themselves Out of their Car...

Two Washington politicians had locked themselves out of their car, and unfortunately some important papers they needed for a meeting were inside. "Let's use a coat hanger to pull up the lock," suggested the first.

"Oh, no," argued the second. "Someone might see us and think we w...

What's the difference between an airplane and an abortion?

Only one doesn't fly after coming into contact with a hanger

Since you like Dad jokes. Here's one I laid on my wife while she was folding my infant daughters clothes.

Wife: Could you go and grab the baby hangers?

Me: They prefer to be called executioners.

What's the best way to bring out your inner child?

A coat hanger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy and his parents were getting ready for Thanks giving dinner.

He heard his parents arguing.
"You bitch!" his dad yelled.
"You bastard!" his mom yelled.
"What do bitch and bastard mean?" the little boy asked.
"Oh . . . a bitch is a woman, and a bastard is a man," his mom replied.
Later, the little boy walked in on his mom and dad messin...

Two blondes and a car

Two blondes come out of the mall after a couple hours of shopping, and when they get to their car they realize they locked the keys inside. Luckily, they had bought some clothes so they grabbed a wire hanger and began taking turns attempting to pick the lock. After a good 30 minutes, they still hadn...

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning.

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning. He gets contact from a group of brothers who vouch for the phenomenon as having had an effect on them.

"I'm a jazz saxophonist." The first brother says. "My mother played Charlie Parker for me while I was in the womb, and she could feel me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I drive an old car with shitty locks

and I locked my keys in it outside a mall. I've done this before, and know exactly what to do, so I went to the nearest store and asked if they had a coat hanger I could borrow. They don't find that amusing in Planned Parenthood centers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"The kid who didn't know what swear words are"

A young boy goes downstairs to the kitchen to find his parents fighting. The father call his mother a "Bitch". The little boy asks, "Daddy, Daddy what's a bitch?" The father's response, "Oh nothing, just a name I call your mother." The mother retaliates but calling the father a "Bastard". The boy as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Shit List (from the office fax machine 30 or so years ago)

**THE SHIT LIST**

GHOST SHIT:

You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

TEFLON COATED SHIT:

Comes out so slick, clean & easy you didn't even feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toile...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Exam for athletes

The following is a college entrance exam for athletes.

Time Limit: 3 Days.

Write Your Name: ________________________________________
(20 point bonus if spelled correctly).

1. What language is spoken in Germany?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire wi...

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