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Dapper Jokes

There's a guy in my neighbourhood who I used to think was really weird. I'd always see him out walking his rabbit. The rabbit was always in a different outfit. One day a frock. One day a skirt. One day a suit-jacket combo. Then it multiplied into a flock of rabbits, all wearing really niche clothes.

Eventually, curiosity got the better of me and I approached him and asked "excuse me sir, I can't help but notice your entourage of dapper rabbits. Can I ask what you do?"

He replied "Oh I'm a hare stylist."

When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat

Is a warm toilet seat

What's dapper, disco and does dirty dishes?

The Squeegees

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A well-dressed man, complete with top hat and monocle, walks into a bar.

The bartender, who has seen it all, pours the dapper gentleman two fingers of their top-shelf 25-year-old scotch. Just as the man begins nursing the peaty, smoky booze, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister all walk into the bar, arguing about how to prove the existence of their respective Gods.

...

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What do you call a man masturbating in a suit?

A dapper fapper

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A rather scruffy-looking man came into a bank and said to the teller, “I wanna open a fucking checking account.”

“Certainly, sir,” answered the teller, “but there’s no need to use that kind of language.”
“Couldja move it along lady? I just wanna open a fucking checking account,” growled the would-be customer.

“I’ll be glad to be of service, sir,” said the teller, flushing slightly, “but I would appre...

The secret to wealth

A young man once asked a rich older man how he earned all his money. The dapper old fellow smoothed his tailored jacket and said, "Well young man, it was 1932, in the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to the last penny I had."

"I took that penny and I went and bought an apple. I spen...

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A drunk walks into a pub.

He goes up to the bar and sees a curious looking bottle bubbling away with mist emanating from the top. Slightly flummoxed he asks the landlord, “What’s this about then?”

The landlord replies, “Well, this is a mystic potion, a concoction of my very own in fact. Take a sip and it’ll magically ...

A good-looking woman

A good-looking woman, maybe in her 60s, waked into a bar and sat at the counter next to a dapper gentleman, also in his 60s.
"You remind me of my third husband," she softly remarked.
Startled, he asked, "How many husbands have you had?"
"Two," she said, as a smile crossed her face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The floating man

A man named Billy was drinking on a rooftop bar when a dapper fellow came up next to him and ordered a drink.
"Ill take the usual" the dapper fellow says, and the barkeep reaches under the bar and pours the man a shot. He takes it, walks over to the edge of the roof, and jumps.
Billy runs ov...

The Surgeon and the Plumber

A world-famous and very dignified surgeon called a plumber to fix the flooded bathroom in his office.

When the plumber arrived, he was carrying an extra set of used overalls. The dapper, impeccably groomed and expensively dressed doctor smirked in a condescending way and said: "Do you usually...

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