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Get High Jokes

How do fish get high?

Seaweed

When I was young I used to sniff gasoline to get high…

These days we switched to cocaine to save some money.

I told my psychiatrist that I can only get high if I take THC gummies with my mom.

Apparently I have an edible complex.

How do ducks get high?

Quack Cocaine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Turns out you can't get high off Viagra.

Found that out the hard way.

A lizard in the jungle is trying to get high...

So he walks around looking for some pot. Suddenly he catches a whiff of some dank. So he follows the smell to a tree where he sees a monkey getting stoned.

He shouts "Hey monkey, you mind if I smoke some of your weed with you?"

Monkey says "sure come on up lizard I'll smoke you out"...

What drug do French people use to get high?

Oui’d

What do mermaids smoke when they want to get high?

Sea weed.

Why do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Because it contains the active ingredient THSea.

How do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Water bongs.

I just found an old website that teaches different ways you can get high.

It is the original trip advisor.

Top 10 household items you can use to get high!

1. Ladder

I like to get high at work

As a pilot, It really helps

Wanna get high in the Andes?

Alpaca bowl

How did the fish get high?

He’s got a connection for really good seaweed.

What did Fred Flintstone say when Barney asked if he wanted to get high?

Yeah, a dab will do.

One fine day dad told me he hopes I get high

Or was it high hopes for me? Anyhow here we are...

A car can’t get high

But can a bus?

Did you hear about the druggy who couldn't get high?

He was trying in vein.

What does the Big Bad Wolf do to get high?

He huffs and he puffs.

How do shellfish get high?

At a clam bake

What is it called when you get high and then eat ice cream?

Getting cold-stoned.

I thought of this while I was in the shower, so I ran downstairs and told my wife. We both laughed and she gave me a high five, and here we are.

How can a dog get high?

By snorting cocanine

Since most of us are stuck / bored in quarantine here are my top ways you can get high at home.

1. A ladder - This will get you the highest, no doubt.
2. A step stool - This won't get you as high but it is good for a quick, short high.
3. A Barstool - this one is a but more trippy and unsafe, but can work if you don't have safer ways to get high.

Two candles wanted to get high…

They lit up and got low instead.


Happy 4/20!

My wife said I should get high heels for her birthday.

I'm getting some weird looks as I walk down the street.

TIL Dolphins deliberately get high on the nerve toxins of puffer fish by chewing on them and passing it around

Talk about ‘puff puff pass’, amirite?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him.

Hey. How's it going?

Not good. I just found out I'm in hell.

I know we have a bad reputation but it's not that bad. It's actually quite fun down here. Did you ever drink when you were alive?

Of course.

Well, Mondays, you can drink as much as you ...

A few men are sitting in a submarine and decide to get high.

There they sit in the submarine, quiet and contemplative - a bunch of subdudes.

Did you hear about all the students who are using brake fluid to get high?

The teachers aren't too worried about it. The students can stop anytime.

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